My Self-forgiveness book - 1

My Little Story:

I have been studying Desteni since July 2008 so it has been three years now, translating Desteni materials into Chinese for almost two years.
I know what should be done, self-forgiveness to cleanse myself and then afterwards self-corrective application in similar situation – don’t participate in the mind again and act what is best for all. Yet I missed the critical point of applying it. Sometimes I do it mainly for DIP course, other occasions are when I can’t get rid of my thoughts and they have become ghosts that haunted me, whenever I was cooking, bathing or even resting on the bed – these thoughts would just pop out and I apparently have no control and no way to get rid of them(of course, because my nature, my essence has not changed at all! These thoughts are plainly reflecting what I have inside of me).

Self-forgiveness and Me:

What I found the critical points about self-forgiveness is I really have to do it consistently, detail, self-honest to myself in seeing the point, no excuses for postponing doing self-forgiveness right away and most important to me(that I didn’t see that at the beginning) is it will take some time, months to actually “see” the difference. To me the most obvious is a few months later, the thoughts dissipate.

I used to have thoughts about scorching my face on the cooker’s hot coil, want to burst my head into pieces/with an axe, poke my eyes on an iron pole sticking on the ground, putting my hands onto an airplane’s running propellers when I saw a plane fly by, cutting my belly open with a Japanese sword etc. I am so glad that most of these thoughts are cleared now that they won’t pop out inside my mind because, as we all know, the more we have thoughts like that the most likely one is walking to “actually doing it” when we lose control. I mean I have tried all sort of other methods to stop the thoughts(later I would talk about my experience on pornography). What we know about psychology today is extremely primitive and as we all know very clearly – these methods won’t work!