Realize more through Translating Desteni Articles and Longest List of Self-Forgiveness

When i was Translating the Desteni Articles, i really pushed me to review and go through every points in the Article as Clearly as Possible before i can use my words to Re-Construct the sentences into Chinese. it was frustrated and painful. i stayed in my Breathe, it was better than when i was translating the FAQ, |o| which really feel like decrypting something out of space(i didn't know if Jack did that intentionally |o|) but the difference is you know you can do it. i did learn something from the task that things that i thought i realized/clear with it turns out i was not totally clear/i get a further imprint on the materials which is when i look it back is amazing 'cause i cannot obtain this just through reading them, no matter how many times i have read them in Hong Kong. so the Translating really helps me and others for the translated version will be there whenever someone read it, it is there.

We were having lunch with my brother's family. sitting next to us is some businessmen family that totally ignore others around them and talking loudly about their richy/how smart their family's children are like deliberately shouting to the rest of the restaurant 'Look at me, look at how richy and how lucky we are, look at me, i can do and speak whatever i want because i got more much more money than you, i won't be happy enough just to hide myself here i need to show you people that i can totally Ignoring you can you do the same to me? ' before, i would be unhappy but now, especially when i have read Heath Ledger's chats on consequence of being Emotional(which in another words == you are Powering up whatever you are aiming at in your head. eg. Let's be pity[emotional] and pray for world hunger, no matter what your initiative or your position, Energy and/for world hunger and world hunger will manifest, this was the example in one of the Desteni Video but i didn't get what i means before, just like Matix, with the answers but u have and only have the keys, you don't know which/where to look for the Locks which keys are for which)

To live a life that i can Express and Operate without/with as less energy/energetic surge inside me involved as possible and i am enjoying as much as before or even more. which i just Common Sensed that it means i become happy without energetic surge inside/being the cause. i laugh but with no energetic surge rise inside me. i can even mas****ate without pictures and no energetic surge invovled. i can be grateful to the food that i eat every couple hours but with no energy/emotion involved. is that what Bernard's talking about of crying inside but no tears for days? to live in this world but not of this world - live in/operate by life but not of energy/emotion. i wonder.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to totally ingore others around me and speaking loudly to promote how lucky and rich i am.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience pain as a substitute of mast****tion.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to pursuit of excitement and ecstatic feeling of just like shown in the movies that slashing people into their body by a japanese sword.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the ecstatic surge of torturing people.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy living in my mind that i enjoy violent and bloody movies and unconsciously projecting myself into the scenes and enjoy my senses, emotions and feelings while they are emotionally charged.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use scenes of other people/animals' torture scenes as a stimulant to simulate my fear of danger/fear of death as a drug and get hysteria inside, through this i get emotional charged just like mast****tion/s**.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without energetic surge inside me, flow through me i would be bored and it will be meaningless and unjoyful losing purpose to live like that.

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that Here should be my purpose and i am not willing to change in me for that.

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that energy itself is polarization of the mind and support the mind, when seeing everyone/everything as one self it is a form of abusing self, when i experience high someone has to experience down.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the Reflection in the outer world to make my inner self excited inside which is i enjoy watching female postures/animation characters with expression of lust/energetic surge inside them in other words they are high inside to make/reflect to make my energetic surge inside even bigger.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel whenever i am/my body is tired or when i am frustrated i used to exert it through mast****tion but now since i cannot/realize the consequence i stopped so i turn to having thoughts of producing pain in my body to experience the similar energetic surge inside me.

Feeling my Breathe - could it be False alarm and Laughing

Quite some things that are worth mentioned. the Most Recently Departed section is finally translated and a little relief. tomorrow being the revise and maybe with a couple of translation on Bernard's articles and see how fast i can translate. it took me little bit over a month, if i recall it right 'cause when you work day by day, you last track of time and when you begin the work. it has been some time since i have begin translating and since i finish the FAQ, at first when using the writing board it was horrible and relatively slow which produce like 1/2 A4 page/a little it more if i stick with it straightly per day at most, which also Forced/Adapt to learn Chinese typing which at first was even way much more slower than using a writing board but i know, and was painful at first too, if i stick with it and getting familiar to the Common Words it will save Effort in compare to actually writing it out('cause no matter how many times you have written it/how simple the strokes are involved you still Every time Need to Write it out - Literally and as long as you type the right codes you get the corresponding word, not like the writing board only 50% of the words can be successfully discerned, why 50%? if you ask, it's because you hang gets very tired after couple of writings and will start Drawing instead of Writing - something i haven't concerned before i bought the board). i did see the Progress and quite Surprised with the speed for i can type right now, i have been avoiding Chinese typing for over 10 years now, for i did afraid of the Intricacy of it whenever i thought of it, it gave me the headache.

The Crossed Over series have a lot of ra**ings and s** involved, i don't like the readers to Energetically aro**ed/Being Extreme Emotional and hence creating more stuffs that i currently don't realize but for what i realized so far is Horrible enough. Like Heath Ledger said in Desteni's chats, if your emotional and maybe thought you are being pitying the animal during abused which you are a Sign of Human, your Energetic Surge inside you is actually being diverted to support all sorts and forms of Abuses in this World! (and he said he's known only/less than 1% of how this existence really runs) this is one of the Notes that i will ask/remind them to read before they continue. i effort to be a Responsible Poster to the articles that i translated. i could face every bit/things that i do/ things that i do not do |o|. keep working on Self-Forgiveness.

We are collectively responsible for everything that manifest in this world. before i was, it is difficult to Accept that i am responsible for all these ra**s, and s**ual crimes on earth, all ugly things that you can name it. it is not easy to prove, as i am just using my inner core to Evaluate whether it is the truth. however, i have another Insight/Realization today, i can also be happy that since i am responsible i can be part of Alternate/Change/Correct it yes, i would lose the ability to Blame but i Acquire/get back the Power to Change it! isn't it amazing? of course you need to know/realize how to change it - which so far as i realize is Stopping ourselves.

Back to the Breathe. i am not totally sure yet, because false alarm has happened before, it seems i can feel my breathe. the difference is, it is not tight/that tight when i was holding the breathe moments, feel cold in breathe which if i recall it right happen before but not as consistent as this time. i wasn't/not required as concentrated as before to count the Breathe. of course i was in my mind with all sorts of Images while i translate the Crossed Over Series, with ra**ing and s**ual images, together with the images of the covers that i saw couple of days ago. which getting me hay wired got distracted but the Breathe sequences were still on and not interrupted. the Breathe also can be slow down a bit which was not quite capable of before.

When i was looking for the Crossed Over Beging's video about his road on Mast****tion, i stumbled on a Chinese talk show host who is Pre-Programmed to be Talent |o| he's smart and write lyrics for songs which are also famous lo*e songs in the early 90s. watched couple of his clips on utube (there goes my 1 to 1.5 hrs), one thing his friend said was quite interesting, he said how come your lyrics was so Great and now your working are so Sh*t? |o| if they believe and know what has happened since 2005. i found out besides of s** and mas*****te, i realize i do very much like to laugh! not specifically to making people look dumb |o| which sometimes i did laugh too if they haven't shown signs of annoying on TV, laughing at ideas/Opinions which are energies. i am a bit surprised, for if i need to choose between s** and laughing, if i cannot have both, i will choose laughs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursuit of Happyness which is the Polarized Expression of Unhappyness hence unhappyness have to exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to delve into the Laughing of ideas/Opinions which are energies and of this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed into polarized Goodness and Excitement instead of simply being Here.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to experience the Joy of Here and with Self.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that if i experience the happiness/laughing, someone/myself need to experience the Opposite of unhappiness/sadness for balancing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on Pictorial mind thinking instead of Common Sense and the Breathe to Operate my daily live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself when my mind is tired i feel frustrated and annoyed and wanted to exert my Accumulated Emotions out on my thoughts including harming myself.

Writing with My Self

Have reading some pages of Bernard's e-book virus free mind, have furthered realize of things like several type of ships and the most important one is the relationship with self. in his example, when we hate our relationship with self because of too much luggage(my realization as expectations/projections) it becomes too much for us to handle. it seems he's speaking common sense here, yet i cannot put in my own words of how exactly it make sense.

what is writing with self? a moment that i just write with my self and no past and no future related/connected and concentrate on Here and the breathe. i still haven't achieved the feelings/ideas flowing out from me inside. what i am doing now is just disconnecting the past and the future for a moment and see what comes up for me to write. it is kind of empty actually |o|. it feels like there is something expanding or floating inside me when are disconnected from the past and future. actually since it is amalgamation of everything, it shouldn't be disconnect which implys of separation, it should be the mergeing of past, present and future into one and you are it. pulling my past, present and future together into one(just like a blender, mixing them all up into one or like a hole in the sink draining the past and the future into one point here, or simply no past no future just Here.), will see what will it be like.

my es**scy system demon has been awaked by the adult s** animation covers and i through it want to read some each day. well it did get me excited for a moment(especially for the first few days for i have been hiding/avoiding to keep contact with these materials for a year) and i merge with the energy and able to dissipate it relatively quick in compare to the past of no way out but to accumulate and compound until exert it through msat******* and energy dissipated to heaven and that's not it, i want more and more and more. however, it is the opposite, the more you do it, the less energetic impulse is dissipated and you almost feel nothing and being Extreme Mechanical/Robotic and you will look for more serve stimulations which becomes a Paradox |o|. it is the reactions, which implys not self-directing, and escastic desires caused by femalic images and postures that is problematic.

Bring your past and future with you into the present which becomes Here. i like the idea of that.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react and enjoy the energetic surge of eascatic desire when seeing femanic image/expression of also showing energetic serge inside of them.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to always remember that i am sound expression and all these reactions of desire of s** requires a body to participate which is not real and i am obsessed/reacting to something that is fake/raptalian made.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself to the es**tic experience and pursuit of 'going wild' experience instead of appreciate the stability experience here which i cannot/difficult to experience after death.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that if i define my sole purpose of pursuit es**tic experience, i am also Enslave and Limited by the es**tic experience that i can' t live without it hence i cannot be free.

I am self-directive.

Standing up as Common Sense in the Holding Moments of Breathe

I have been practicing the 4 count breathe for over 6 months now. currently, when i am typing, reading / even bathing i am able to sustain it. what i cannot continue are when i speak. also, when your are Processing or Solving things out, the performance of my whole body turned down which i am not performing at peak. when exercising/ for instance, climbing a mountain i got short of breathe and not able to keep the holding close to 4 second. i was wondering, was it because i am relying on 'thinking' which is a polarized looping inside my mind to solve things, instead of using Common Sense to solve things out. what i feel like is, i can't use the old me to achieve the same thing right? i am breathing differently which the holding moments now, 'thinking' become difficult yet, it feels like my Common Sense doesn't quite affected by the Holding Moments/When not Breathing. for example, to 'think' and write while keeping the rhythm of 4 count breathe is difficult and my whole body will be like stiffed/stuck and i don't know what to write. however, if i rely on my Common Sense to write, it seems Common Sense is not affected when i hold my breathe. interesting indeed and i am currently Applying this in this writing.

In simple terms, Common Sense is Direct/sort of Instant and no Looping for answers/contents. that's how i have experienced so far. i mean, read the posts from Bernard. you can 'feel' that in his words he is Employing Common Sense instead of 'thinking' to write his words out. you can actually 'feel' it among the words, but i haven't noticed it until lately. i mean it kind of make sense, because when you cut the total amounts of air exchanged between nature and your body to half, your whole functions' performance dropped and if the holding moments can stop the mind. then it would be contradict to try to sustain performance through the mind through thinking but at the same time practicing holding moments in breathe which would results in being Here and prohibiting the mind. to me Applying Common Sense would be an Alternative.

it would be difficult for me to find things to write in the past, maybe i was in Mind Mode, will write more and see how the Apply of Common Sense works with 4 count breathe.

Facing my reactions to Sex Animation Covers

ed Writing a Blog is kind of difficult, that i Force myself to write it. it is already better than writing by yourself because you Perceive that someone might be watching it(although not very likely). when writing by yourself you are like writing/speaking to a wall. with no response because you know there is no chance for anyone to read it and the idea of stupid will come up. which theoretically if we are Sound Expressions, all sorts of feelings like like/dislike, want/reluctant to do are not suppose to exist inside us. even desire itself is Refraction inside us that Interfere with us. yet, i enjoy/obsessed in desires mainly in opposite sex, really need to find a way when you are fully charged inside and the mind wants to upgrade. the energetic release is the moment that most of us want to extend and staying there forever. i just watched some Desteni member's tree interview saying wine is a mixture of Anger, Guilt the rest i forgot and it really make sense like that is it, that is what wine really is and the feeling/thing that i was pursuing in the past. i wonder if i realize/understand how s**/masturb*** is constructed of will i find the same relieve as i found of the wine and so that i can give up? at least through an opposite sex's image and sound.

Stumble on a BT web with japanese adult animation links with covers on, correctly speaking i have Avoided them for an year by now. however, i know that i was burying it inside me and stopping because of the consequences of creating rapist all over the world. with my limited knowing of how energy and thoughts that are generated and will manifest in others to 'full fill' balancing the equilibrium. so i try to see how which i did through my mind being reactive to the covers. not very but still reactive and the mind has been 'offed' for a whole year. it is really the covers that catch the attentions and it's(i hesitate in typing to deal with it) a point that i need to transcend. many questions, many 'try' to see it in different angle for the same object. when i watch for male animation characters i am totally opposed and not feeling 'interested' and like to go on, the same happens to a girl watching a female characters posting all sorts of sedusive postings and tied ups. she wouldn't react to it at all just like me watching male characters (eg. kissing) which i found not attractive at all but girls/women will found as reactive as when i watching female postings. it is like one of the man said in the Recently Crossed Over series, saying one night stand is not as Fantastic as you think, same is the desire of s** and masturb*** which totally shut down after you energetic surge is released(to the dimension) and you (maybe through the mind) keep wanting more and more which is obsessed. it is funny that the dimensional beings are doing everything to look for stability yet we here on earth are looking (mainly) through s** and masturb**** to look for instability/energetic excitement which is reverse.

When watching the covers today, i stay in my breathe and stay with it. i react to them but not going deeper in the fantasies. later on, i become one with the energetic surge inside me (as Bernard said in his post, if i recall it correctly) until it is no more energetic surge inside. to realize/transced when facing it head on is more difficult than just avoid it |o|. during that i ask a lot of why, why did i react to these postures? why did i react to water reflection on certain part of body but not on other parts? they should be interpreted just as bunch of cells/ figures. why would i react to shy/unwillingly when tied up? i watched videos from a guy's Confession of dying of Aids which he starts with masturb****tion and gradually become someone obsessed in chil**** s**ual fantasies and Aids got him. that's the road that Will Lead to i realize and believe in that. maybe i want to know why so i can transced/keep certain part of it if not all so i don't have to give it up forever? Bernard has mentioned s** and masturb****tion should be an expression that is not as reactive to something and have to do it which can be self-stopped anytime.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to be Self-Directive but yielding myself as Reactive to the S**ual desire for Energetic Surge up as directed by the mind.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to amalgamate with the Energetic Surge inside me until it is not Energetic flowing inside me anymore, instead i obsessed the feeling of Energetic flow inside me.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realized i am sound expression in nature and all these sorts of 'reactions' inside me are pre-programmed and not real.

Have watched some Game Shows Making fun of Guests Involved

That is a famous Game show on TV in Hong Kong. why i wanted to watch it because it is hilarious. i know when throwing Cream like thing on people's face, i am not suppose to laugh, yet i laugh. why? i currently haven't realized why yet. is it because the guest are Smiling(because thousands/millions of people watching them through the camera and they can increase their popularity, so they pretend they are enjoying?), is it because they seem to don't mind/enjoying themselves too so it is ok for me to laugh at their actions. is it because the Energetic surge through hilarious laughing that i feel relaxed afterwards that makes me want to watch them? i feel tired and bored and want stimulation and being with self is viewed as meaningless and wasting my time. what is the fun of being with myself? i never question why did i fight against and so uncomfortable of being alone with myself, i just don't like that feeling.

Bernard said give up and flow freely inside me. also said he has s**, work, do business, play etc. it seems it is not what we/he do but he said he is self-honestly expressing. i tried 'Give Up' last night, suddenly sort of realize i was trying to 'bring' everything that i have experienced with me together and working to achieve somewhere more Realized. not seeing what Give Up means or what to give up, or i should say i was holding on with everything inside me to process. i haven't considered me giving up my obsessed of feeling through the mind. last night, i was 'simulating' give up in my mind(?) and feel what it is like. not quite sure if it's because i didn't have dinner last night and dizzy, i feel comfortable and release. maybe i am not giving up is one of the reasons why i cannot trace back the causes of my thoughts in doing Self-Forgiveness.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to yield to Energetic Surge inside me through acts of making fun on other people.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to laugh at people that do hilarious acts.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to pursuit of fame and money which is the enjoyment through enslaving others.

i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to discover the joy/happiness of being with myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is meaningless and a waste of time and unplaesent to just being with myself.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to have fun and always looking for ways to Stimulate myself, instead of seeing Breathing can be/is fun.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give yield to feeling of bored right away, instead of Common Sensing it out the cause of it and handle it effectively.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my predefined self, personalities, my mind etc.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea of Give Up in me and i might go crazy and do 'Give Up my life' things to harm my body/go crazy and jump off and kill myself excetra.

Give up is a way of Cleaning what is inside the sickness of my beingness.

Breathing and being with Self is/can be fun.

Finally Joint the Private Forum in Deteni and our Money System

After almost 9 months, finally got invited into the Private Forum in Desteni. got quite Tired this week 'cause of reading the New Stuffs in Private Forum(chat logs - which are very Interesting when involve Bernard and various Dimension Beigns, Bernard's posts, posts/info. that i have missed.), keeping track of the Public Forum, continuing the Translation thing, and watching some 'entertaining TV programs' from the internet. one really need to keep track of what period of time is for what task each day, else, the time just disapper quickly. i still enjoy and view it as meaningful in translating, not mechanical but i did yawn a lot(which is a indication that my mind wants to shut me down) and my body just sored.

To see results, i am wondering if i am too concentrated on Knowing instead of Applying. i have read quite a lot but i don't really realized/understand a lot. it is getting Better through days though, sometimes, i watch videos that catch my eyes again. i do not like being alone - without a purpose. i feel emabrrase (which is a sign of want to stay in the line of other systems) if other people hear my loud Self-Forgiveness statements. i reluctant to face/being with myself. i reluctant to accept that i am also responsible for all the Evils/other me's Artrocities that exist in this World.

The current Self-Interested Money System is a mess. we collectively responsible for creating it, of course there are much more that i/we don't understand/realize at this moment. the inter-dimension knows more. we pursuit for InEquality, Energetic Experience(S*x, Excitement), climbing the Hiearchy of Other's Enslavement, blind to the Consequences of our Acts using Laws and Justifications, cheats, cons, murders, in what i view/realized so far is mainly because peopel don't see/feel their Actions'/what they don't Acts' Consequneces Right Away. what is not experienced Here is not real, and people are willing to obsessed in an unreal world, currently experiencing through their minds. what most people enslaved for 6days each week for? what is money for? exchange of S*x/ M*sturbation/a share of the Glamorous World's Energetic Excitement/Stimulation Pie, or Alcohol - Systematic Proliferating Joy that we experience it through the mind, and want more and better each time. during my last flue, i didn't take any medication, the healing procee is painful, but afterwards, i feel More Free inside. i am feeling i am More in Control and Natural. however, how many popele out there will take my advice? my mom's sort of viewing me as obsessed/crazy but of course, i am not processing according to her judgments(i am responsible for her reactions though and how she's treating me though |o|).

It is like the Music Chair/Russian Revolver, the whole mass willing to join the game of Purshiting to the Top of Hiearchy for Enslaving others/Nature/Animals. as long as my Life is ok i will want more from others. Self-Interested and none of Equality factor is considered. you study hard and you stuffed with Systematic Knowledge, you bcome a lawyer/doctor/politican then welcome to the club of Enslaving Others. not many people know these are Pre-Programmed. science and inventions which lead of Power and Control is being worshiped by people forming groups, then to organizations then to countries. very very Few consider Consequences of their Enjoyments, money become quivalent to Amount of Luxuaries that you can Enjoy, S*x and Power of Enslaving others that don't have money. i presume inside people's hearts, they ask, why (or maybe why shouldn't we) should i suffer to cut back my Elegant Style of Living so less child will be suffered in Africa? they/some of them tend to believe in Regligion, some believe in Channeling, these won't seriously affect what they Already Possessed/Having's Life Style. however, they treat you as insane for Pointing out there are Consequences for their Current Life Styles and it's is a form of Enslaving the others.

i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to using knowing as an excuse and not paritcipate in Applying Self-Forgiveness and Writting myself to Freedom.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rather live in the mind/system serving to have a Purpose instead of Facing mySelf and Expressing and Live in Here.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself, my own body.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to value other's value on me more than how i value my directions.

i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed in money which is enslavement of others, animals or nature.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing limiting myself with boundaries and what evaluated by the mind as impossible to achieve.