Writing is what I found helpful

Have been chatting with Andrea. She said I am still justifying and on watching animation which I only recently found out it is actually the symbols that associate inside the mind to generate energy surges that keeps us aroused/excited -- that feeling is equivalent of the desire of raping. It is a difficult point to accept it and start realizing I need to give up watching animation.

I have always been wondering animation is just a some shapes with colors why would we/me got so obsessed about it? Why would I so obsessed this 'feeling' that I cannot explained? Now I know it and I need to stop myself not participating in watching it again.

I found out writing is very assisting me in my process. Although right now i need to spend quite some time need to "push" myself to keep on writing but once I got the topic and know what I should write about -- through writing I felt relief. Just like what the Desteni videos or Pen and Computer interview has explained it is writing the thoughts that are trapped inside me out and they won't stay inside my body and feeding my mind consciousness system. So whenever I push myself to write I would feel relief inside me, like my burdens have been alleviated.

It really feels like I am pulling the emotions that I am not even aware that is subconsciously stiring inside me that makes me feeling uncomfortable and unclear and I clean and release myself through writing them out. It is almost feel the same as writing self-forgiveness.

I will free half an hour each day and work on writing more out.