Ever since I was small, I watch people hugging,
kissing, entering relationships depicted on
movies. And I didn’t know about mind or systems or energy like that. At first
it was a curiosity like: oh it looks interesting, what would it “feel“ like if
I engage with a girl and experience a relationship/Love like that? Would it be
fun? At that time was more curious about what it felt like hugging or kissing.
When I grow up to teenager, there was this immense desire/energy merging with mind/systems that I found I was drifting more and more away from my innocence and I was more and more reacting to a girl’s body and shape of face (as feelings/energy inside me) and I began to lost into it and pursuing for more and more of this type of feelings. I mean, not to mention that the movies depicted tons of scenery(kissing, hugging), morning/evening/night, banquet, dancing, romantic background music to make it looks such a wonderful medicine for loneness. And when I grow older, I was afraid of loneness and find being with others are more fun.
When I got older in my 20-30s. Partly because of
masturbation and I felt I want to experience sex and with a teenage girl and
think that would make my experience of my life more enrich and fulfilled. I
interpreted love as a feeling, a highness with a girl instead of seeing love in
a practical action of treating everything as me equally. I think love is a warm
feeling, a happiness, a mutual caring(however it was only a switching every
moment’s attention onto a teenage girl only without caring what is happening
around my world), a keep on feeding me with this feeling/energy as long as I
can see you or hold you in my arms desire.
So when I look at myself, I also want to experience kissing hugging, Participate in the Mind and react to teenage girls’ body, Do not want to be alone, want to with others, Kissing and hugging will make me a higher/fulfilled experience and Desire for sex, warm feelings. And I found the Desire for sex, warm feelings is the most imminent and I will be working on this.
I want to feel Cozy/Content feeling, excitable. And I can summarize in one word - sex. That I project myself watching Two blonde naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter.
So when I see Caucasians couple kissing/hugging in
movie, seeing young teenage girls’ thighs I'd feel excited and stimulated by energy inside of me. So I forgive myself on details for having the thought of desire to experiencing hugging.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to experience kissing and hugging as a higher experience instead of realizing it is actually I am hugging and kissing with myself.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am not complete until I can have a beautiful teenage girl and hug and kiss her instead of realizing it was just a feeling and energy and only exists in the mind and everything is me.
- I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to hug and kiss based on what is best for all.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself want to have a perfect relationship with a prefect young teenage girl instead of pursuing oneness and equality.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself only pursue for energies through want to have sex with Caucasian teenager, instead of staying here in breathe and see what I can do for best for all.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my desire for sex and an Caucasian teenage girl’s body, my self-interest, instead of what is best for all.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw my attention only to hugging and kissing of a Caucasian teenage girl.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dream of my life experience will be better and more fulfilled by kissing or hugging a Caucasian teenage girl instead of realizing I am simply here and enjoying myself not defined by high or low energies.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my happiness in high energies feelings instead of the enjoying my breathe as Oneness and Equality.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire for warm feelings instead of realizing it is actually a desire for energy and highness.
- I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see everything as me and the only relationship exists is self.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desires to kiss and hug a Caucasian girl/actress in a movie.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly want to have sex with the actress in the movies.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself want to experience the same kissing and hugging as I see in the movies.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the actress is smiling at me and I tune in to that type of love feelings in reality instead of staying here in my breathe.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define kissing and hugging as the ultimate experience of love instead of experiencing oneness and equality.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect seeing Caucasians couple kissing/hugging in movie to love.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love within Caucasians couples kissing/hugging in movies.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from love and from image of Caucasians couples kissing/hugging through defining love within the image of Caucasians couples kissing/hugging in movies.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love and sex to the image of young teenage girls’ thighs.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love and sex within the image of young teenage girls’ thighs.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the love and sex and from the image of young teenage girls’ thighs through separating myself from love and sex and from the image of young teenage girls’ thighs.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the image of an a Caucasian teenage girl’s thigh as feelings instead of do not participate in the mind and stay in breathe in here with my physical body.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the image of a Caucasian teenager’s thigh to ecstasy and sex.
- I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize I don’t need excitement but only life to enjoy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire for sex and feelings instead of staying in breathe here and enjoying life.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to get excited and do not want to be alone and face myself so that I can change myself.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect desire of sex and energy to love.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to being alone.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear and energy instead of self-directing myself.
- I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to realize I can never run away from myself and stay in the current instead of facing myself and change myself fit within Equality.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in separation and thinking I can manipulate and enslave others service for me but it actually it is I am enslaving myself.
Obviously after the self-forgiveness, I need to Remind myself of how to correct myself else that wouldn't be real and effective self-forgivenenss. And according to my desire to be hugged, I realize Energy and Sex is not the solution or ultimate
experience. The real joy is in Oneness and Equality, the joy is enjoy as Life always doing what is
best for all so I don’t need to worry about karma, we are all alone, it’s just the mind make up
relationships to pretend we are not alone but it actually was separation.
So for my desire for Cozy/Content feeling, High energy, down to the core I am actually because of fear of facing myself. Because I desire for energy and want a mate.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as cozy feelings instead of enjoying equality in breath.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the cozy feeling as hugging a teenage girl’s body.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love to the feeling of cozy feelings.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love within cozy feeling.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from the word love from cozy feelings through defining love within cozy feelings.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love to the energy/feelings.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love within high energy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from love and from high energy through defining love within high energy.
And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself on the core reason of why I am hanging on that thought.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect desires for positive energy feelings to cozy feelings and high energy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and directed by the desire for positive energy feelings.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define desire for positive energy feelings and do not want to face myself within cozy feeling and high energy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from cozy feelings, high energy and desire for desire for positive energy feelings and do not want to face myself within positive energy feelings and do not want o face myself through defining cozy feelings and high energy.
- I forgive myself to be subjected to desires for positive energy feelings and do not want to face myself instead of standing up and support equality as Equality is the real joy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I will be empty and dying without energy, sex or feelings instead of realizing and staying in breathe as innocent as expression of life.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself and see the points that I need to self-forgive.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to facing myself instead of realizing I am everywhere.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lost and pretend in relationships believing in separation instead of realizing we are all alone.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide away in energy/feelings believing I am living and temporary forgetting that we are all from the same source, instead of living self-honesty for best for all.
[Fear of facing myself]
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to fulfill myself complete by having the one instead of realizing that everyone and everything is me.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the mind and thinking I cannot live without a separate relationship.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of silence and self instead of realizing I am all alone and it’s only the mind pretending relationships/separation exist.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to silence and self instead of realizing everything is in fact me.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need energy in every moment instead of realizing what I need is best for all and Life.
- I forgive myself haven’t allowed myself to always remember and realize that we are all alone and everyone/everything is just me.
For fearing of facing myself, I realize I cannot run away from alone, loneliness only
exists in mind systems. We are all alone all along. So when I realize I begin to fear facing myself and want to divert my attention somewhere, I flag the point remind myself why run away from self for
comfortable only for awhile. I change myself once and for all so I become
a better me fit within Oneness and Equality and don’t need to be ashamed
or hide from self.
So when I am about to fear facing myself again, when I begin to want a feeling of a female or
mate I stop and breathe and remind myself I am everywhere. There is no
others but us. I am living with myself everywhere. When I feeling nervous about being alone I stop
and breathe and remind myself everything is me, all I need is always doing
what is best for all and Life.
For I want to feel Cozy/Content feeling, it's summarized as one word - Sex. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to charge the word sex with a positive value. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to judge the word sex as good/positive/right instead of realizing
everything is me and if I charge polarity someone as me has to take the
negative pole/side. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to separate myself from the word sex through judging the word sex
as good/positive/right.
To Redefine the word, I look up in the dictionary for the current definition of sex.
1. Either of the two major forms of individuals
that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or
male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures
2. The sum of the structural, functional, and
behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction
marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females
3. Sexually motivated phenomena or behaviour
And I found playing with the sound of Sex it sounds like Same in Act, Satisfy. In general the word sex would mean An act of a male and female acting/getting together generating energy/feelings or for reproduction.
When I sound the word sex, I tend to have a picture of Two Caucasian blonde naked and foreplaying with
each other inside a house during winter inside my mind. And I ask myself and look at it deeply, I found it represents Satisfaction, Excitement, Ecstasy.
So I now redefine the word sex would mean a male and female getting together in intimacy involving intercourse or masturbation for reproduction or pleasure. So for the thought of two Caucasian blonde naked,
And for what it underneath represents as Satisfaction, Excitement, Ecstasy,
* I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to give my power away to energy/feelings, excitement and ecstasy.
Now I found I connect to this two blonds' thoughts is based on energy, so for the self-forgiveness on connecting energy to this picture:
|
2.2.2.2 Self-Forgiveness
2.2.2.2.1 Self-Forgiveness on
positive/negative value for word:
Write out SF on the positive / negative charge of word
in centre-circle.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word sex with a positive value.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word sex as good/positive/right instead of realizing everything is me and if I charge polarity someone as me has to take the negative pole/side.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word sex through judging the word sex as good/positive/right.
2.2.2.2.2 Self-Forgiveness on
each point in the word-web:
Write out SF on each word being associated with the
word in the middle of the word web.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word sex to a blonde teenager naked on bed.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word sex within a blonde teenager naked on bed.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from sex and from a blonde teenager naked on bed through defining sex within a blonde teenager naked on bed.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the sex to two adult hugging each other and foreplaying.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word sex within two adult hugging each other and foreplaying.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word sex and from two adult hugging each other and foreplaying through defining the word sex within two adult hugging each other and foreplaying .
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word sex to two blonde teenager naked kissing.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word sex within two blonde teenager naked kissing.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself separate myself from the word sex and from two blonde teenager naked kissing through defining the word sex within two blonde teenager naked kissing.
1.2.2.3 Re-Define
the Word in the Centre-Circle
1.2.2.3.1 Gathering information:
1.2.2.3.1.1
Establishing self’s allocation point:
1.2.2.3.1.2
Dictionary Definition:
[Added]
1. Either of the two major forms of individuals
that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or
male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures
2. The sum of the structural, functional, and
behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction
marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females
3. Sexually motivated phenomena or behaviour
- Either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures.
- The sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females.
1.2.2.3.1.3
Sounding the word:
Same in Act, Satisfy.
1.2.2.3.2 Investigate the information of the word
that has been gathered
Does the definition within the
different aspects that you have gathered as information of the word, carry a
polarity charge (is it made ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’)?
This can be determined by looking at:
a. Your own personal experience with
this word
b. How you have interpreted the word
as ‘good’/’positive’ or ‘bad’/’negative’
c. What associations do you have with
the word?
d. Do you feel better or worse when
you are using or experiencing this word?
1.2.2.3.3 New definition
1.2.2.3.3.1
Creative writing:
1.2.2.3.3.2
Writing the definition:
- A act of a male and female(both me) self-expressing/creating themselves for self-expressing or reproducing purpose.
Consider the following 5 points when
writing out your final definition (see pp. 24-26 in the PDF)
1. The
physical living expression
2. Principles
3. System
words based in polarities
4. Assigning
a positive charge
5. Assigning
a limited definition to a word
1.2.2.3.4 Checking the definition
1.2.2.3.4.1
Is there a polarity in the definition that I have assigned to the word?
Answer: No
1.2.2.3.4.2
Can I stand by this definition of the word eternally?
Answer: Yes.
2.2.3 The Pictures Work-Sheet
(Done for each Picture
written down in the summary list (1.2.3))
Transfer the name of 1 picture identified on the
summary page here
Below you can present the picture by drawing the
picture or by placing words in specific positions within the box provided – or
descriptively write out the picture to form the picture with words.
2.2.3.1 Drawing/writing out a
picture-representation:
[Added]
- Two Caucasian blonde naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter.
2.2.3.2 What the picture as a
whole represents:
Summarize what the picture represents within self.
- Satisfaction, Excitement, Ecstasy.
2.2.3.3 Self-Forgiveness
2.2.3.3.1 Self-Forgiveness on
the picture:
Write Self-Forgiveness on the picture (1.2.3.1)
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect/define sex within the picture of two blonde teenagers naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate and feel excited through picturing two blonde teenagers naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture/desire of two blonde teenagers naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter exists within and as me.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this picture to the desire for sex or warm feelings.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the picture of two blonde teenagers naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter to satisfaction, excitement and ecstasy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define satisfaction, excitement and ecstasy within the picture of two blonde teenagers naked and foreplaying with each other inside a house during winter.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word satisfaction, excitement and ecstasy through defining satisfaction, excitement and ecstasy within a picture.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power to a picture of a blonde teenager instead of realizing that it is just an energy feeling.
2.2.3.3.2 Self-Forgiveness on what
the picture represents:
Write Self-Forgiveness on what the picture represents
(1.2.3.2)
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to energy/feelings, excitement and ecstasy.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place and connect my self-interest satisfaction through viewing two blonde teenagers foreplaying and stimulating myself on the energy and feelings instead of content with I am/we are Oneness and Equal.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect Caucasian’s white skin and blond hair as stimulations for me to feel excited instead of realizing that everything is actually me and express ourselves here.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only live ecstasy and pursuing to have sex with a blond teenager instead of really looking inside of me and see why I was stimulated for blonde pictures and it’s actually darkness that is content and what that being’s beingness has nothing to do with how she looks.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place special values into the pictures of blone teenagers instead of realizing every form is just an expression and everything is me expressing here.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursuit and depend on through animation/blonde teenagers/pornography to reach my ecstasy instead of realizing ecstasy is just energy and I am self-expressing in every moment and I am content with expressing myself.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect excitement to the pictures of two blonde girls foreplaying inside a house during winter.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from excitement and blonde teenagers through defining excitements within the visual images of blonde teenagers.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to animation pornography instead of self-expressing myself within Oneness and Equality as the truth of us.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my satisfaction only on what/how I can get the most feelings/energies through visual images like naked blonde teenagers instead of realizing my satisfaction should be darkness and also taking self-responsibility and living in Oneness and Equality.
2.2.3.3.3 Self-Forgiveness on
connection to the thought:
Write Self-Forgiveness on the connection to the
thought in 1.1.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect excitements to visual stimulations of blonds and thinking blond teenagers can give me extreme ecstasy instead of realizing that there are all how my mind think and it’s not real.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself secretly in my backchat want to have sex with blonde girls and found the naked image entertaining /interesting instead of seeing everything is me.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanted to hide away in ecstasy and feelings/energies instead of taking myself self-responsibility and face myself, not hiding anymore, take the courage to self-forgive myself and don’t live in separation anymore.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard existence and physical but only pursuing the feelings of looking at a naked blonde teenager to stimulate me through the mind instead of accepting everything around me is me.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think if I have sex with a blonde teenager then I will have the greatest excitement/happiness/feelings/energy instead of realizing all thoughts/feelings and emotions are of the mind and it’s not real. It is actually I was obsessed to the feelings when I look at a blonde teenager.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and belief if I can’t have sex with a blonde teenager then my life is not culminated and satisfied instead of realizing the blonds are me and I was just enjoying sucking energy out from the physical body.
So above is a portion of my Thought Construct where we are taught skilfuly using the techniques to help us locate the core of our thoughts and why we are hanging on to these thoughts/ideas. This is very critical as I have tried self-forgiveness on my own and I just can't get rid of the thoughts. They just come back. After I joint DIP I am more effective in clearing my thoughts/nature as they don't come back after a few weeks. I know I have gone deep enough and have forgiven the core points. And it took me way longer, that is if I am "lucky" in able to find the source of why I am hanging on these thoughts, it would be way way much longer and less effective when I was doing self-forgiveness on my own.
