Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Went to Vancouver business network group

12:31 I wanted to give up but I haven't written for two days. I am pushing myself to re-create myself. Very tired not sure if it because I drove 2 hours back and froth to Aldergrove. Then went to the VBN meetup tonight. I felt pretty tired but I tell myself I can't use excuses like these I have to write something I have to recreate myself.

I have explained to two people about the general concept of equal money -- using simple examples that the backpack, cloths, cars these we can make them last for a hundred years we already have the technology. It is not here only because of greediness because I want to make a profit, the company wants to make a profit. So far it's ok, they seem to understand what I am talking about. I am sure when they hear it again, they could be interested in it.

I am very tried, I need to lie down and sleep/rest try to be with my physical. There are tons of pages for me to read. Funny some say my picture looks good my mom said I looks like mad/angry. I am not reading and absorbing fast, I need assistance and build faster reading skills.

Ok, need to rest. 12:43

Saturday, March 26, 2011

A very tough day

11:08 that I have been chatting with Bernard and he has been brutally straight in pointing out what I have been and it hurts and painful to face what I am. He pointed out I am extremely greedy, not willing to give, what else? Ah! Judging a lot, Manipulator -- (dictionary) exploits and control people to suit his own ends. It is so tough to say yes I am that I mean I didn't realize it myself. Most important is he said I am just hiding within trying to help Desteni but just use an excuse to make more money for myself. At this moment I still "hope" I am not that but Bernard is always right for what I have talked to him for two years so far.

So guys, I have to write self-forgiveness to clear myself and what I realize is it is not about pain or about do not want to see myself -- This side of myself. Also! a back-chat/thought auto-talker. The more I spew the more I need to do self-forgiveness until I learned breath and stop start directing myself in problems instead of speaking out worries. I mean I don't see/know how this world works, when I am worry I speak it out, I felt better, I felt relieved. However speaking it out doesn't really help with the situation that is true, I know that. Every word that I speak build part of me. I need to learn "directing myself" in problems.

Extremely greedy:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only care about my gain in but not willing to give to others.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize it is through my giving that I shall receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself always like a business/capitalist and calculate what I will gain and not willing to give more to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking giving more to others is a waste.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see myself is so stinginess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself use assisting Desteni financially to hide behind I want to have money buy tickets to SA farm and pay internet.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize giving is also helping others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think helping is bullshit and if I do no get anything in return I am not willing to start giving.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize giving to people that I find worthy that support oneness and equality is assisting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to have lots of fountain of money to spend not realizing the consequences and pay back of using money to enslave others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pain and I am hurting myself for giving my help, paying others, offer my help for free to others that in need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I gain I am happy and greedy want to have as much as possible but when I need to pay I am reluctant to pay a penny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in extreme greediness that I am not even aware.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I need someone's help I approach them as friendly as possible but once they are in troubles or no use to me again I turned my poker face to them, forget and don't care about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spike to the person that I need to pay for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself using I have to reserve my money for excuses and not even giving my help that doesn't not cost any money to others that in need of my help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn my cold shoulder to people that do not pay me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not willing to spend anything to anyone but wanted to absorb and learn as much as possible from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to spend any of my strength to help anyone or pay anyone to work for me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize helping others are actually helping myself for they are part of Life as me and I shouldn't feel stinginess about helping people.

Within seeing the pattern I don't want to give but just want to manipulate others for greediness I stop and breath and remind myself it is ok to give others and receive -- Others loot from me are just creating their own future.

Within seeing the pattern I fear I might be tricked or losing effort I stop and breath and remind myself I receive through give we are all from the same source even if people take advantage of me I would find out later.

Within seeing the pattern I want to be greedy in taking people's advantage I stop and breath and remind myself if I take advantage of others I am permitting others to take advantages of myself.

Fear of being rejected:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of being rejected not realizing I am creating my failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not eager to learn from failures and rejections.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to face failures and imagining and want keeping myself to be perfect not realizing I improve through learning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather not doing and postponing instead of directing myself in how to learn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because I feel so bad when rejected and I reluctant to face failures, rejects, disappointments instead of directing myself and learn gradually.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see I should put my attention on learning instead of avoiding failure.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the more I see the more I learn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I don't need to learn but I afraid of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only live in fear of failures and rejected and hence creating my own failures and rejection.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully directing myself to learn how to become a real estate agent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so so afraid of being rejected and failures that I always picture and project the failure and rejected pictures in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself so worry about being rejected and annoyed that I only live in fears of failure and rejections.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize fearing is the most wasting my time and effort on earth because I am not living or enjoying while I am fearing.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize I am not free and cannot be free if I am always living in fear and worries.

Within seeing my pattern of do not want to face being annoyed being rejected I stop and breath and remind myself if I don't learn I will never improve.

Within seeing my pattern of want to postponing I stop and breathe and remind myself the most efficient way is to direct myself in handling the situation and learn.

Friday, March 25, 2011

What should I write?

11:00 p.m. Just finish driving some mom's Christian friends who have had stroke, his blood was too thick and a clog got pumped into his head blocking the supply of oxygen and nutrients to the brain cell. He is eighty something when you get old it is a certain fact that things like this will happen onto you. When I was young I though "old" is such an far and distant like far away deep in the galaxy that I might not even visit it in the rest of my Life. Yes, it exists it is there but it's none of my business. When you get older like me then the more you see the more you realize what I would become. It is not a fear or worry it is a fact, so I am spending as every moment as the most meaningful as possible so I won't regret how I spend this Life. (sigh ) haven't write self-forgiveness on what Andrea told me write on. Have been busy each day that -- I am beginning to get tired of opening my emails. Whenever something pops out it means I need to use common sense to find a solution find a way to handle events that has happened.

Chatting with Bernard tomorrow, boy how desperate how so many questions I want to have Bernard's guidance. Business like real estate agents are full of problems and you need to solve every problems efficiently. You have to find the right directions else it would just waste a whole lot of efforts and if you learn through trial and error it would takes much longer period of time and wasting efforts on things that you shouldn't concentrate on.

To me in what I see is I know I am living in oneness and equality but it is not in my essence yet. I need to program myself into instinctively live and act within oneness and equality else after I die there wouldn't be time and space for me to "decide" or force myself into oneness and equality. My oneness and equality is still in the knowledge and information level not at my essence level yet. Bernard said if you die today there is nothing that they can do they can't help you, you have to face the test of desires, personal desires. Desires means you choose your self-interest instead of what is best for all -- including finding a companion. I mean holy god! How would I live without even a little bit of desire? desire is like vacation (currently it is) that even once in a while I would want to experience something you know. yes self-interest is causing disasters all over existence I got that totally agree. If sun, nature, earth have self-interest and as a matter of fact all these earth quakes natural disasters are showing humanity the consequences of when you don't give a damn about anything around you -- They don't give a damn about you. I mean like companion, I really want to experience with some personalities that I like. Is that too much to ask?

Breath by breath I am correcting myself building re-building myself but how do I face this making money dilemma? I am working working learning learning a bit worrying every day then week by week. Working bit by bit and I so much/desperate want to take a vacation, a few days off. I wanted to write something last night but I was resting lying on my bed and I fell asleep. I got no entertainment got no one to share with me -- Totally alone. I was enjoying with my physical (body) and trying to concentrate on/merge with my body. Chatting with Destonians and sleeping becomes my only relax and entertainments.

11:34 pm. Ok, talk to you soon.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

I am exhausted from injecting ink into cartridges

12:37pm, still haven't replied an email yet. I think I will reply him in the morning. I am very tired today -- Went to two gatherings, 1 hr and 2 hours come back injecting ink into my cartridges, too 2 hours encountered number of problems, dripped a few drops of blue ink on the carpet -- ink is too good that they immersed into the carpet too well it took me about three hours to clean it with water and I still got some light light blue spots in the carpet. It was a nightmare. There are tons of things that I need to do. Still have a toast-master gathering that I will go tomorrow. I just overwhelmed by everything every problems that I need to face, writing blogs, vlogs, I need spend time on snooping around in the toast masters groups, the blue tooth needs time, ink jet needs time, I am not even cooking at this moment. finding out who's willing to share and can be helpful to me, writing advertisements takes time. I am lacking directions and everything just rush at my face and I am on my own nobody in the matrix cares about me. Most people that I first met they are cautious and rejecting me it doesn't feel good when I keep doing working on things everyday but it's not paying off or showing progress.

Imagine I still haven't read all the chat logs in Bernard chatting with private forums. You can see how busy I am. Whenever and so far frequently there are many accidents then more hours need to taken out to handle that.

Am I in the wrong directions? Can I revise the direction better? Am I doing things that are not assisting me in generating leads? Even some destonians don't understand they keep saying doing photoshop by yourself is easy, internet is here google it, wordpress is easy do it yourself. It is not like that, my first priority is get familiar to the procedures, being skillful and generate leads -- go social they don't see it they can't understand. Everyone only has 10hrs each day to work things out.

I really felt the horrible exhausting survival in the system and capitalism don't care about you. I haven't even participate in the private forum I don't have nothing. How am I suppose to do it alone and make me successful in the matrix? It's a so big challenge for me. I am going to lie on my bed and rest -- the greatest moment that I enjoy each day.

Ok, 1:09, guys real estate agents are exhausting and demands a lot of trust -- at the beginning there is no certainty in everything, especially the leads.
Ok, till next moment.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I masturbate again

1:13, just finish sending email to a prospector. It is difficult to get a deal or get leads, everybody just want you suffocate you to death so they can have more clients, especially amongst the chinese cicrles. I mean they are just Robots and think in robots -- Always competition and never Oneness and Equality or Co-operation, or work for Best for all. It just doesn't exist within them.

I wonder why would I/we react to young people's naked vessels and get excited. I mean it is just flesh, just something red or white then I/we are aroused and certain color or factric or certain species of people then we got a negative feeling. This morning I was like got aroused because I saw some naked pictures and I was like well Sunette said even thinking or participate in the mind or energy is the same as masturbation rejuvenating the mind so what the hell, how about I masturbate for one time and see if I am controlled by masturbation. Totally forgot about the would get close to death experience through masturbation/Sex. People if your not Destonian you would see lots of people dying or having stroke just because of masturbation or sex. I am quite sure Bernard won't lie and it's going to happen.

So I was concentraing on the physical, forgot not to just concentrate on how I feel inside the head. You know, when you masturbate feeling is a major part. After the masturbation I already felt my memory has damaged/degraded to a certain degree. From now no, I definitely will not get horny as frequent as before -- it hurts my memory, if it's not Bernard I didn't know it at all. Basically I was boring and want to get some excitements some nice feelings and not using my Breath Orgasm to prospone my desire to masturbate. I mean I was just working everyday and there are tons of things that I need to prepare work with, arrange, problem sovling etc. My bed, the moment I can sleep on my bed really is the most bliss moment that I longed for everyday. I totally underestimate how a REALTOR® or a sales person need to be trained go through to even have a deal start.

Basically the good feeling part is only the building up before ejeculation. Then the mind feeling comes and it doesn't feeling good. The Breath Orgasm way is really once and for all style of handling desire for masturbation. I tried to not associate getting excited associating to feelings or just certain part of muscles, I tried to get excited just by rubbing my hands or my thights it didn't work at this moment. I am not excited or having an erection. I am still exploring but definitely masturbation has serious consequences that at this moment I still feel it is not worth it. Got to find a way to get excited, lol maybe a female companion or I am looking for ways to get excited not just by masturbation. I mean working working and working under pressure everyday is not the way -- I can't withstand it I haven't even started yet. I still haven't properly prospected yet.

Ok, 1:37am Talk soon.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Called a Prospector and I am embarrassed

1:27 am, As multi-tasking as usual busy busy busy and busy. Wanted to go to sleep but forcing myself to write -- trying to keep writing everyday. Folks I am listening an audio book while I am writing, you can imagine how many things I need to do. We Destonians all are.

I pushed myself to call a prospector again. I tried to talk to the wife but the husband pick up the phone so I have to asked: Are you Mr. buyer? I am Fred. Of course his attitude is defensive and a bit irritated just wanting to get rid of me. I got rash up to my head after I said thank you. I was all crumbled at the end -- I know the principles but knowing it and applying it are totally two different things. When you act when you participating, you don't have time to think. How can you think within tenth of one second!? Believe me the most enjoyable time is when I can lie on my bed, sometimes I just sleep a few hours early.

Fukushima Dai-ichi it's such a big event that all the matrix people are just watching it as an action movie -- only an extremely small amount of Destonians really cares how the nature is striking back at humanity. I mean really, please use common sense. If it has never happened before and all of a sudden it happens now, something has changed something is not right. If it happens now, then it can/will happen again. We are just giving you the answer: It will happen in the very near future, very soon. Use common sense, look how human shocked, excited(watching movie style) then forget the Australia flooding, European mega storm, Katrina, New Zealand earth quake, Indonesia earth quake, and Tokyo Mega Earthquake -- human are robots that don't learn and remember but lost in sex/masturbation energies and greediness referred as money. Money is not the source of Evil, Equal Money system can utilize money and give everyone every children animals millionaire style living and only need to work for 4 years -- then you can retired and for the rest of your Life all your basic necessities like housing, clean water, basic hygiene for each everyone! Anyone wants to stop the nuclear meltdown? Stop the disasters, stop the death, stop the sorrow and pain? If you really want to do it, you would participate and bring forth Equal Money system for the best gift for you your children and their children.

Google: Equal Money system. Desteni, and Participate.

2:01 pm. Talk later.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Have lunch with a director

11:52 pm, So writing again. I just have lunch with a director from Coquitlam. He is a interesting person, first of all he's like me that like to talk. We do agree that at this moment people are not co-operating very well. I explained it to him -- everyone's starting is just Greediness and they are just creating their own enemy/own nightmare. Those that do not consider the rest and striving to dominate the market. Those that at the bottom of the enslavement layer, agents are forced to give More referrals to make a living or try to steal clients from each other or please the clients and draw them to you. As I said, ever since then, everyone is keep plotting, attacking, defending all night long and nobody ever sleeps peacefully. Your either worried when someone is going to plot and successfully take your place or busy plotting how to get clients from others every night.

I confess that I was a bit excited when I ask what do you get if you successful become the president of the organization(of course we don't call it an organization), he said it is the right thing that he wants to do that he comes from a single/burdened family that he has four brothers and sisters and he said the only things that he can get gain is respect from others that when people will respect what you say. However, when I come home on a second thought, of course he did give me very useful suggestions(his approach is totally different, he doesn't do open houses, door-knockings, he doesn't give referrals) I don't know if it's the accent of my English is really limited that I only got like 60-70% of what he is speaking. On a second thought, is his motivation really about that? I mean I don't know at this moment I honesty don't know -- I can't tell. In the current capitalism enslavement system. Someone must be looking for money -- through some ways to obtain money.

So that's my little share of my experience. Still don't have a clear clue of how to generate leads but I am going as being as self-honest as possible and treating everyone as honest as possible. It is interesting that I can play the strategy online game with Oneness and Equality but I am worried in playing this real estate business by living Oneness and Equality. It would be really interesting if I successfully apply Oneness Equality into Real Estate business.

Ok, 12:50, talk later.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Angry again

I have an coffee appointment with a guy and I called him confirm right before I am about to go out, he surprised me saying: Wasn't we change it to Thursday? I mean I was angry right away because I know that is a lie. I asked him are you busy today? He said yes, so I was quite confirm that he doesn't want to see me. He kept saying very sorry and I just closed my phone while he was saying his sorry.

I don't want to participate in angry but I felt like I was being manipulated and swirling around and I felt angry right away. I was fully happy all week waiting to have an opportunity to know each other and you didn't want to meet at the beginning, and I thought you change to Thursday is just an cunning excuse to say: Oh sorry, that's why I am not prepared and not called you today.

Mind construct:

-->I found out Pete didn't want to meet with me at all.
-->-->I feel betrayed and my expectation to make friend with him.
-->-->-->How dare he swirl me around while I want to make friends with him and know him more.
-->-->-->Of course I have the right to be angry he is the one to blame and responsible for.
-->-->-->-->I don't feel comfortable with all this angriness and I need to exert right away.
-->-->-->-->-->If Pete don't is lying to me then I have the right to be straight to him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push people around fearing of if I reject others I would get a bad impressions and rather swirling people and lie to them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself being honest to others.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize whenever I swirl or lie to others I am lying to myself and manifest such experience for me to experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself because I don't like being angriness and whenever I am triggered I totally blame that person and automatically throw my tantrum to that person back.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize even if someone manipulate me I don't have to response in angriness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself using angriness as a legitimate reaction whenever I am being swirled around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to I have put my trust in Pete instead of trusting my common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Pete that I am better and honest to him and he pissed me off with swirling me around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Pete for getting me angry not realizing it is my angriness looking for excuses to exert.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my trust outside on Pete.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself using being straight to Pete as exerting my frustration on him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite Pete for how he lie to me and wanted to revenge.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to forgive myself and move on.

Within seeing I want to automatically exert my angriness onto anyone apparently causing me angry, I stop and breath reminds myself I need to redirect myself in any situation through common sense.

Within seeing I want to blame anyone for betraying my feelings to them I stop and breath and remind myself that was what I accepted and allowed in the past and there is no one to blame at anything -- I caused it in the past.

Writing myself to something that fit within Oneness and Equality

One thing that very obvious is I consider myself first before consider others first. It is not I don't care about them or what but the point of living in the matrix is you need to make a stand before you can even consider/offer any support to people around you.

I mean like all the people, realestate agents, my mom they do not give me room to treat them exactly how I want to be treated -- It is all about how can I get more money? All types of trading/exchanging especially as the agent I met toady said: Nobody cares whether you make it or not, you are on your own nobody cares. Why should I/they? Bernard said I have to make my own standard but at this moment I am not even standing up. I have no sphere of influence. I keep on revising my approach whenever I heard what they say, well everyone's approach is slightly different, I change from high to low and change my approach accordingly.

Living in equality with treating everything the same as me and I am working my way. I keep on reminding myself like although I am driving in my car it is not I am enjoying but through earn money making the world/earth ready for the children to come -- as an Equal Money world. I am one and equal to those two people sweeping in front of mcdonald it is just I worked in the enslavement bottom layer before and it is not working. It didn't assist me at all and I hurt my right knee and not even my mom care about it -- she is just another robot. To help Desteni I need to find ways to make money efficiently that's how I see it. Right now I need guidance on how to do things because in this REALTOR® business you really can spend tons of money and like me right now everything needs money but I don't have hints on how to acquire clients. How to co-operate. It is also obvious that people are so pre-programmed that the only way they see is greediness and competition -- there are ways to work in co-operation in treating others as you yet, most people just want to dominate everything -- Through dominating to climb the enslaving pyramid.

Equal Money is not about domination, Equal Money is about how everyone benefit from a system that consider everyone equally.

Ok, talk tomorrow

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Almost need to reinstall my OS

11:55 the F2 for rename was not working on my PC for a week now and I really need it to when I translate the videos. I tried two hours to reinstall the old one but the CD is not working -- some files failed to copy. So I did some research and re-download an xp and it takes a lot of time and effort -- my Sunday is gone. There are so many things that I need to do, I saw Bearnard said the girls at the farm do full time studying psychology and still do mind construct -- I mean oh my god, how can they do it? Like me even right now at this moment I am writing my blog and listening to some sales training audio program to train myself -- Trying to absorb as much as possible. I worry that I might lost my old OS and thank Life, my old OS stays and the F2 is fixed now.

Equal Money is not difficult to understand, it is people that do not want/care to see to read about what is Equal Money. I mean look when we say we can make products that last for a Life time people starts lighting up with projecting they can get more they can have boats cars, notebook PC all sort of things they can enjoy. Most of them at this moment don't fully understand the self-responsibility of being part of existence -- they want to have more through Equal Money system but at least it stimulates them and they go study because it promise them more! People are quite robots at this moment. Equal Money system is foundation of care -- you consider and care about everyone and everything on earth Equally and take turns for example swapping jobs. Everyone is equal -- Job is not solely for making money satisfy greediness anymore. Imagine within Equal Money system greediness just totally wiped out of this world, no more greediness anymore. Your Life is conscripted for 4 years labor and the rest of your Life's for Free! (lol to a certain extent it is free for say 60years), all your basics housing, food, clean water basic hygiene, bed (yes, I recently realize many people do not even have bed to sleep).

If you want more that is classified as non-necessities you find or the future government test you qualify your ability and assign a job for you to "earn" second type of money to buy non-necessities(you can say similar to luxuries).

Currently the only thing I can do is use Breath Orgasm and keep not masturbating "hopefully" can get better at memorizing and multi-tasking and see I can be more efficient in spending my days.

12:43 see you.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Applying Breath Orgasm

10:41 I was watching a "Heavy" style of henti animation to test out how I am doing. Before I was just suppressing and try not to react, this time I am better I only have very minor reactions on the pelvic area and I can use Breath Orgasm to resolve the urge the energy reacted inside me. I am quite satisfied, after a couple of slow and deep breath I am back to normal again -- and watching the animation is like I am not particularly interested or reacted to the pictures just like after I just have an orgasm.

Now whenever I have reactions/urge I just use Breath Orgasm and I am back to normal and I carry on my daily Life. A bonus, as Bernard said the more horny you are the more your memory fries and clearly(it is amazing I didn't expect I can last this long) I haven't masturbate close to 8 days by now and I am very stable and calm and I have increased my memory I remember things more vivid -- having an imprint of what I listen or what I read. I am more here with and participate with the physical.

At first I thought it is no fun without the energy shoot through my body but actually it is convenient and the body doesn't compromised just for a split of second energy shoot out. I mean you really need to see that even when you see a girl or a boy that you have "feelings" that feel comfortable it is all energy going through your mind interfering you. Including people that gives you negative feelings which are emotions that you don't like their facial expressions.

Breath Orgasm is great when you know how to do it. It assist you in multiple ways -- body doesn't need being sucked for energy(if you masturbate look at the mirror and you will notice, your like a dried grape), you are more one and equal to the physical, there is no afterwards guilt, no beings is energetically raped through you using pictures, STD virus won't manifest because the body is not compromised through you masturbating -- etc. I mean before I didn't know what to do about urge/desire to masturbate once the urge started I was just postponing and irritated and the only way to fulfill to fully satisfied is through masturbating it out. Now I can just breath it slowly and deeply out fast and convenient and after a couple of rounds -- I can see the irritation/urge actually is irritating disturbing my daily Life that I mostly compromising my body instead of really breath the with physical and resolve the urge to masturbate.

Breath Orgasm teaches me energetic masturbation is not something that I actually enjoy -- It won't last it has a price the physical pay for me, generate the energy and I undertake it later in my Life. Bernard said energy's true nature is destruction, well whenever I involve with lots of energy surging inside me I lose control go mad. Totally not like what I am now.

Breath Orgasm teaches me there is a way that you can remain clear stable and calm without jeopardising recharging and proliferating my mind, re-do my process for nothing. Not harming my body unnecessary. I am here I am stable and calm all the time. I lol don't have to wash myself afterwards. I got a better memory.

It is like instant noodle, I used to only know make and cook my meals traditionally and not know the serious consequences of masturbation, you know just like what the general public knows it is just a feeling. No it's not just that simple -- there are serious consequences. Breath Orgasm is like instant noodle, do I really miss something? Well, not exactly. I resolve my urge/desire to masturbate just like I resolve my hunger. Then I move on. The best thing about Breath Orgasm is the urge/desire don't comes back in a few hours. What I encounter in masturbation most most of the time is it didn't resolve my problem actually -- I was like drinking sea water, the more I drink the more I want keep drinking. Breath Orgasm is total calm stable and solve the urge and desire. Then I move on and continue what I want/need to do.

One thing to note is it is nothing like those energetic orgasmic experience at all -- Don't look for that or you would be just like me trapped in the mind and having no progress. It is a clear calm stable discharge not even discharge it feels like "resolve" and the urge is not there interfering your daily Life anymore.

Ok, 11:37 talk later.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Humanity is going to Die like birds and fishes -- That's how I see it

I am as usual overwhelmed walking as a real estate agent. I am trying to write something at least each day -- sort of writing myself to freedom and giving whoever find interesting to see how I am doing.

I mean I can't really do much in one day, yes there are lots of uncertainty about how to generate leads and farm -- As Bernard said: Nobody is going to give you leads for free. At this moment my mentor has not replied on my proposal of half the burden of referrals with me. I really need to see everything fresh everyday, in how I look to become a successful agent -- If I can't acquire money I can't possibly support Desteni in a few years.

As Bernard said in his video now the nature disasters and all sort of shits are already at our door step -- it is not likely humanity is going to consider everything, everyone as one and equal as you as me without suffering. I mean I look at people agents they currently just don't see what they are harming -- The animals, nature, earth, enslaving others, children. It is common sense to ask: Who make your Ipods Iphones how did it come to your hand just like chicken food beef. People don't care or ask how are they suffered in traumas in extreme suffering and then being killed -- All All All these they have to gone through only because of one thing -- Greediness. You don't need to be greedy there are more than enough on this earth to support each and everyone.

Another thing is competition waste energy and out system is totally not constructed based on best for all -- best for each and everyone. Like for example, I need to buy a bluetooth earphones for my phone so I can write notes while I talk to my mentor and while driving. I did research on the web for 5 hours looking for information educating myself. Whenever I need to buy something through web it is a nightmare that I need to education myself from sketch. It is totally nonsense, just because everyone wants to have as much money as possible -- making over 10 brands of earphones with similar functionalities but buyers like me need to do hours of research to maximized their benefits. You can make a durable swiss knife to solve all your problems in daily Life but it is not produced because your boss and your boss's owner wants to go to vacation every day but not wanting to do anything! Just because everyone is greedy!?

Why not live in a system(and you need to participate to bring in forth in earth -- If you don't participate nothing will happen) Equal Money that aim at building the strongest shoes for everyone, building the most durable notebooks -- Last for your Lifetime for everyone and everyone can Live in Millionaire style of Life.

It is possible. Goggle: Desteni, Google: Equal Money and find out more before it is too late. We already have earthquakes and floods everywhere. I mean people, things are not going to stay the same even if your a robot -- use your common sense. The world was quite normal when I first joint Desteni about 2 - 3 years ago. Things change, you are dying just like the birds and fishes. It is very frustrating that how the world goes how you would become when you would die all depends on your participation -- You decided. That's how I see it.

Ok, about half hour not bad because I have lots of stuffs to write about toady -- Not to mention my prospective clients give me the cold shoulder two days and it doesn't feel good. I learned it today.

Ok, Talk to you later.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Breathless as a Realtor

7:16pm. Haven't write for a long time now(I was just writing Self-forgiveness) when I was in high school I quite enjoy writing. So I was laughing periodically but the fact is the problems that I am facing is totally out of my expectations. I am now paying 50% of my commission for mentoring and things look more complicated than I anticipate -- it was not that simple, but my mentor said it is simple and he will show me. I still remember what Bernard said about his experiences on people opening schools. I am quite overwhelmed by this REALTOR® thing(it's the rule that we have to make it Capitalized and with the alt+0174 symbol).

Of course I worried a lot or expect a lot from acquiring a client. It is like I was working for three weeks now but there is no progress so far. Everyday there are tons of things that I need to handle. Maybe I didn't find an efficient way to look for answers like there are tons of things, right, now I need to google why the CMYK color on photoshop doesn't look the same look awful in my picture viewer program, it looks different even on picture and fax viewer(XP standard viewing program). This preoccupy you 3 hours, that preoccupy you 4 hours then your whole day is gone. (sight) not to mention doing vloging bloging and use the vocabulary builder(Desteni Education Software) I still haven't used it today -- I use it everyday.

I mean like most people maybe as what you are reading in front of the PC right now -- think selling houses are easy, I mean yes -- that was what I think. Whenever it involves a client asking you Why? Why should I buy this Why should I choose you all these Whys -- that means you have to pull everything out all the whys locations crime rate in the neighborhood land value amenities around(I still haven't touched this area yet) what else? price? repairs/maintenance -- you name it and it doesn't guarantee the buyer or seller will return have any actions. So you might not see but you can "feel" there are lots of things that involve. 7:38, I better go drink some tea, have some shrimps dinner and come back maybe come back and finish it a little bit later.

9:28. Ok, write a little bit more. I remember when I was a teenager in USA I want to go to a field I saw people I don't know should I use the word "playing" they were kiting they were playing kite, it was in Wisconsin autumn time I wasn't happy I mean how can you be happy living in a foster family -- people are not destonian they including myself the sole starting point of doing anything is greediness -- I want how can I get more money. Even today that I am working as a realtor facing all these questions of how do I make people agrees it is time to buy and sell for greediness and more money. Yes, Living Oneness and equality, living Equality but you can't just expect people to support you for equality. It doesn't work that way I need money and I need to pay Destonian to work for me. I don't know how Bernard made it -- all by himself doing business to make money and he did it. He is enthusiastic to everyone everything.

I always look for a short cut -- an efficient way to do things but that's also from the mind. What I learned so far is what is inside the mind is not real and not reliable -- tends to mislead and need to adjust the paths the handlings. Maybe I think too much and project too much about the clients - they haven't response yet then why should I worry too much. Because of fear of loss.

You really need to use common sense to see how we have screwed ourselves each of us painfully by greed. All those that are sitting at the tip of of the capitalistic enslavement pyramids that at the moment they don't care about anything but their money and keep their money rolling and how they can enjoy their Life. I saw a rich woman that totally just dress like upper class and driving a porche van. Disregarding everything thinking she is queen and all people on the street are just slaves. And I wanted to be like her that's why she was manifested? It is difficult to accept that I mean, I didn't see it. But I will program myself fit within oneness and equality -- no matter how long I am going to live on earth or do I exist after death.

I mean you can't see what I am facing at this moment. I don't even have time to take care of my laundry or cooking. I am like sitting 7hrs non-stop in front of my PC each day. Sleeping a few more hours are my entertainments.

Ok, talk later 10:15