Friday, June 29, 2012

怎樣有效練習新的 Masturbation方法

三四年前看了 Desteni "實際(practicality)"教導新的 Masturbation, 今天又和 Andrea談起. 她建議我把這些都寫在博上, 好讓其他人都可以參考.

首先要停止 Masturbation是很需要自我意志和技巧的. 最主要是留在身体裏的能量得不到釋放, 困在身体裏. 所以我發現, 實際的呼吸是很有效的幫助當癮發作時是很有效的來帶動這些体內的能量. 透過深呼與吸會感到一種沉下去的感覺, 而這樣幾下就回復穩定下來. 然後不要去想這些思想就會解決了難纏的 Masturbation癮.

還有就是看 "實際" 的 視訊. 還有 DesteniChineseTD裏面也有關於新自我表現的 Masturbation視訊. 在現階段, 對我來說, 以自我表現形式而不是能量性的 Mastrubation是有點困難理解/掌握的. 因為沒有能量就好像喝沒有味精的湯. 是另一種感覺/感受. 而起初一直用双手互相磨擦是沒有什麼異樣的感覺的.

Andrea 亦建議我嘗試擁抱自己然後看有什麼 Backchat 反應. 我對擁抱自己的感覺是温暖, 完滿和舒服. 然後把這種感覺應用在双手和身体其他部份的磨擦. 我對擁抱自己的 backchat是假如我媽或其他人看見我, 會對我有什麼看法嗎? 會使我更困難走我的進程嗎? 別人會以為我是同性戀或自戀嗎?

當一呼一吸的時候, 体內的能量會隨着呼吸而流動. 因此不會大量的積聚在体內.

我宽恕自己接受容許自己被別人和我媽對我的看左右我的進程, 而不是以全体最大得益而做決定.

我宽恕自己接受容許自己害怕被別人看見擁抱我自己, 以為我是怪胎/異類.


我宽恕自己接受容許自己接受 Masturbation是理所當然, 然而擁抱自己郤是尷尬的, 而不是盡一切力量停止自慰.

我宽恕自己接受容許自己害怕擁抱自己會因此失去尋找伴侶的機會, 而不是視所有一切都是我自己.

新的 Masturbation 系列有詳細說明怎樣運用 Masturbation 成為一種不用圖像來剌激的以我所知打開物質與物質融合的一種方法.

到現時為止就是覺得一種比較着重在物質性的感覺多於能量性的感受. 而正在鑽研物質性的感受與物質的快感. 把物質的一体平等感覺變成一種興奮.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

2012 - Participating in Education Expo.

I thought about writing this in Chinese but I want Cam and other TechnoTutor folks can read my sharing here. Besides, I haven't write in English for a long long time now. I heard from Cam that writing everything out(emotions, fears etc.) can help release and direct myself in the future when I face similar situation again. So here I am writing out all my experiences inside me during the 2 days Journey being part of the team in the  TechnoTutor booth.

At first I thought it will be fun and great I can sharpen my skills and meet lots of people. Having a lot of fun or stuffs to look at, it will be a fabulous experience. However when I get there it's totally not what I expected. People are just rushing around and looking mainly for books. They don't have time to chit chat with me. Avery told us have to have fun because they can sense us inside and I have difficulties in putting my fun personality suit on. I mean I don't find fun there. I was there to practice my skills however half of the people I say hi to ignore me, others say hi back. Only 1 in 10 are willing to stay and look at what I am presenting. I judge myself: according to my current skill and English ability, how I am going to arouse their interest in our product? There is no way! I am wasting my effort. However, I haven't realized this is learning. Learning requires time and effort.

So I force myself to walk on the aisle practicing my smile like an idiot. I confess that I feel good afterwards when I have improved my smiling. But it was embarrassing and pointless to me to approach other booths and pretend that I am interested in their product. I have backchats like: That would be cheating! I am using them to promote my products. That would be lying or I feel like I am hurting another me. When they find out I am using them. I didn't realize if the point is for best for all then it is ok, they should have forgive me. I also have a lot of worries like if they find out the truth of I am using them. I better hide or not approaching them to avoid they find out my truth of using them for sales. I became reluctant to move forward or even try learning. I only feel good when I see myself improved or when I got happy feedback.

I know I can't just let this golden opportunity pass by so I force myself to approach a few counters. Forcing me to talk to them. Ask about the products. Pretending that I am interested in their products. I feel guilt inside me of not wanting their products but faking my interest in theirs. Always have this I am lying haunting me at my back. I don't know how to handle this guilt of I am using them, even for Best for all.

Till now, I do feel better after writing my fear, worries and guilt out. I have written stuffs inside me before and I do feel Tremendous Amount of release afterwards. Like they just disappear/vaporized. Funny that writing these things out feel like doing self-forgiveness. I feel relax(Yes, we can't just say relax or force ourselves to relax and then suddenly our body will feel better. No, I found that I need to self-forgive myself properly to really feel relax and pleasure). I feel like I am ready for a fresh start.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be perfect inside all the people in the education expo's eyes.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to realize when I starting point is best for all, it is ok even for manipulation.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to practice and live self-honesty as acting for Best for all instead of just being honest to myself and I don't care how others are suffering and dying because of no money on earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my honesty guilt direct me instead of being self-honest.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to realize it is not hurting anyone by me but for Best for all even hurting another is ok and acceptable since I am doing for Best for all, I can take the consequence of that.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to realize it is not about lying but packaging myself to be acceptable/presentable to others in the booths.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish and don't want the consequence of manipulation and feeling guilt and rather someone take the consequence instead of realizing I should always do what is best for all, even including manipulation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dominated by my honest guilt instead of learn from my mistakes and change myself being effective in doing what is best for all.