Day 74 - Just talking about money, Physical & Consequences

Physical Reaction:

• adrenal glands high and excited.
• dizziness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the reaction of adrenal glands high and excited exist within and as me when talking about money. I commit myself to show others that money is a tool to assist everyone, not a tool for self-interest and enslaving others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself want to do nothing but get everything hence manifest the elite and the millionaires, instead of realizing I can't run away from consequences, always need to face my consequences after I die and there should be no class as everyone/everything is me. I commit myself to support and build the Equal Money Capitalism for the children to come so everyone including myself can enjoy myself within existence equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have dizziness inside me when I just talk about money exist within and as me. I commit myself to stay in breathe, stay calm and realize I always need to face consequences for my purchase/enslaving others there is nothing to be excited about. Money is not for self-interest enjoyment. I can't enjoy myself when everyone else is in agony.

Consequence:

• Because of desires and become a greedy person harming people.
• Become a person who do not take self-responsibility, only consume butt doesn't contribute.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just talk about money and because of desires and become a greedy person harming people. I commit myself  to stay in breath and think twice before spending always consider the consequence and always do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just talk about money and become a person who do not take self-responsibility, only consume but doesn't contribute. I commit myself to always remember everything is me and live give is what I would like to receive.

Day 73 - Just talking about Money, Backchat

Backchats:

• I don't care about anything, give me more and more money and I am excited.
• I can get more, I deserve it, I deserve more money.
• I want more money, it means more luxury I can enjoy in the upper class.
• I don't care how the world suffers as long as I have my interesting and comfortable Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchat of I don't care about anything, give me more money and I am excited existed within and as me. I commit myself to use my money to care for Desteni and build and Equal Money Capitalism to support everyone equally on earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchat of I can get more, I deserve it I deserve more money exist within and as me. I commit myself to enjoy myself with Equality in Existence and realize that everything is me and we live happily in Equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchat of I want more money, it means more luxury I can enjoy in the upper class. I commit myself to show others that the upper class is the painful road after death and enjoyment should be based on self-interest and enslaving others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchats of I don't care how the world suffers as long as I have my interesting and comfortable Life I am in heaven. I commit myself to appreciate the physical and realize pleasure do not come from money, consequences come from self-interest money spending. 

Day 72 - Just talking about how to make money, Fear/Imagination

 Chinese have a strong entrepreneurial spirit and powerful desire to succeed in business. If they fail at one thing they try something else. A history professor told Theroux, "the Chinese are interested only in two things in the world—power and money." Yang Yo, a singer who is sometimes called the Bob Dylan of China, told the International Herald Tribune, “Few people in China think about a simple life of following dreams, ideals and knowing who you are. The just sit around talking about how to make more money.”

Fear:

• I fear I will be starved and left off the street without money.
• I feel more save when surrounded by lots of money.
• I want to entertain myself and more joys.
• I see no consequences for my acts and I fear I will die, I have this only one life so I won't listen and become a conscious decent person, I just want as much money as possible.
• I fear dying so I better have lots of money and let other people starve/die and I don't care.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have fear of I fear I will be starved and left off on the street without money exists within and direct me. I commit myself to not fear of dying but using common sense and ask myself what I can do to prevent this to happen on me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more save when surrounded by lots of money, instead of realizing I am enslaving all others to work for me. I commit myself to use money as a tool to help Desteni and build Equal Money Capitalism so that everyone can be taken care of equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself want to enterain myself and more joys instead of I commit myself to consider everyone/everything for best for all as they are all me before I consider my entertainments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see no consequence for my acts and fear I will die, I have this only one life so I won't listen and become a conscious decent person, I just want as much money as possible and get richer and richer. I commit myself to never dream and place myself in the position of the riches as the riches need to face their consequences after they die and I don't want to live a life enslaving others as me and always facing consequences.


Imagination/Picture dimension:

• A picture of me surrounded by money.
• Inside an LV store where I can pick any handbags I want.
• Inside a store and looking at beautiful dresses imagining how I can be as beautiful/as attractive as the models.
• Driving all the luxury cars that I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a desire/picture of me surrounding /swarmed by money. I commit myself to spend money carefully with consequences and show others that we are all from the same source.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the picture of inside an LV store where I can pick/own any handbags I want to direct and dominate me. I commit myself to show others that desires only creates consequences/atrocities to ourselves and others and it is not worth to live in profit and consequences. It is about everyone is equal and prosper equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture of inside a store and looking at beautiful dresses imagining how I can have them all and can be as beautiful/attractive as a model exist inside me and direct me instead of me self-aware and directing myself according to Best for all. I commit myself to show others and myself that lost in energy/feelings have serious consequences of becoming/living energy instead of living physical and Life, which is stable and consistent.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have an image of driving all the luxury cars that I want exist within and as me hence I forgive myself for haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider everyone that need to suffer in atrocities to produce the cars/goods for me and trying to run away from the consequences of my acts. I commit myself to care/equally love everything as they are me, think twice before I buy/want anything, make sure they fit with best for all.

Day 71 - Corruption Consumerism, Physical Reaction/Consequence

Physical Reaction:

• higher blood pressure, Exciting

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have high blood pressure and fear of lost exist within and as me when I am taking bribes. I commit myself to let others know the serious consequences for taking bribes and corrupted.

Consequence:

• harming millions of people silently in taking bribes.
• nature becoming more mean and apathetic.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in corruption/taking bribes and harming millions of people silent in the background. I commit myself to expose and teach people that there is serious consequences for taking bribes as everything/everyone you harm is you.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in corruption and change my nature becoming more and more mean and apathetic such as the elite that cares about nothing but having more and more money. I commit myself to self-forgive my points that do not fit best for all and always do what is best for all.

Day 70 - Corruption & Consumerism - Backchat

Backchat:

• I only cares about myself since I only have this short life, I will do the best to enjoy myself until I die.
• Money is so attractive it means I can have a beautiful wife/husband I need more and more money.
• I love money and as long as I can get more money by bypassing the law I can get whatever I want and fuick the world.
• I want to buy buy and buy and enjoy, I need more money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the back chats of I only cares about myself since I only have this short life, I will do the best to enjoy myself until I die exist within and as me. I commit myself to care for everyone as everything are me and how I treat others are always how I  will be treated - consequence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself want to run away from consequences and create a system that we apparent don't see the consequences right away and trying to run away from it, instead of realizing I can't run away from consequences at all, that I was lying to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchat of money is so attractive it means I can have a beautiful wife/husband I need more and more money exist within and as me. I commit myself to learn and let other knows that money is only a tool to see how I can help others and make Equal Money system manifest on earth, money is a tool to make sure everyone is being taken care of equally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have backchats of I want to buy buy and buy and enjoy myself, I need more money exists within and as me, I commit myself to care for everyone as everyone/everything is me and I cannot don't care/sacrifice everyone as me that do not fit what is best for all.

Day 69 - Corruption for Consumerism

Source: http://factsanddetails.com/china.php?itemid=370&catid=9&subcatid=59

Among the worries that ordinary Chinese have are the high cost urban housing, education and future jobs for their children and inflation. Many complain about the conspicuous consumption of the nouveau riche and corruption among party officials. David Pierson wrote in the Los Angeles Times, “Chinese households are already famously frugal — and with good reason. A flimsy social safety net means tens of millions must save for their own education, healthcare and retirement. And while consumer spending has been rising along with China's prosperity, it has done so almost in spite of an economic model geared almost exclusively toward production rather than domestic consumption.”

Fear Dimension:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of dying and suffering and I would use corruption to achieve my greediness desires and harming others as me as long as I don't see the painful and ugly reality and people that are harmed by my corruption. I commit myself to show others that there is a serious direct consequence for corruption and harming others as yourself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard and not satisfied about being as physical/Life that I want to enjoy my self-interest instead of always going/doing what is best for all and recognizing that everyone is me, that I give as what I would like to receive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define energy/using corruption/money to reach a higher energy state as living fear of losing money/energy without realizing that this emptiness is caused by the facts that the mind/we are scattered in different pieces. That it is life is the ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction. I commit myself to learn how to enjoy Life and appreciate Life instead of living as energy.


Picture/Imagination Dimension:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture of shock and fear of me starving on the street without any support and suffer painfully before I die and controlling me directing me instead of me directing myself and build a world that everyone will be taken care of equally so I don't have to fear. I commit myself to build a world with Equal Money instead of living in fear of suffer in pain and dying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow a picture of politicians taking bribes/money dressing in suit and have luxuries inside a large room to exist within and as me. I commit myself to do not have desires for taking bribes and let others know/understand there are consequences for everyabuse/consume/purchase that we do through money.

Day 68 - Chinese Consumerism, Consequence Dimension

Physical reaction:

* High blood pressure

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have high blood pressure response exist within and as me when I look at the goods behind the shopping windows, instead of directing myself in every moment.

I commit myself to stay in breathe and not live in the projecting future of how I am going to enjoy it or how beautiful/handsome/attractive I'd look like.


Consequence when standing in front of Shops' Windows:

I forgive myself haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that my desires for consumerism is making everyone in the world suffer in pain. Whenever there is a price cut there is no miracle but someone(usually the workers's wages) must take the blow and someone/their family will get hurt or even starve to death.

I commit myself to consider and think for best for all before consuming as every purchase there is a consequence for me to take. I commit myself to willing to take the consequence for that purchase.

I forgive myself haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that everything is me and I do what is best for all instead of self-interest enjoyment while buying. Earning more money/Using money to buy is actually enslaving others to produce goods/do the works for me.

I commit myself to let others understand /realize, how we treat anything/others are exactly how we are treating ourselves because they are us.

Day 63 Chinese Culture and Religion – a Journey to Life: Chinese Consumerism Part 1

Source: http://www.climatespectator.com.au/commentary/consumerist-china-it-sustainable

Introduction:

This is an article about whether Chinese consumerism is sustainable. Most people think it is impossible for 1.3billion of Chinese to live like Western developed countries. To sustain capitalism/consumerism most Chinese need to stay as factory workers/slaves. Because if all this 1.3 billion of people upgrade their living equivalent as an developed countries living style as masters, we do not have enough people on earth to serve the Chinese as masters. Most of us Totally missed the point that we need so many slaves because of greediness and where good are deliberately made to breaks as soon as possible, for self-interest profit. If we continue to live in a capitalistic/consumerism way of living then yes, we won’t have enough people to serve the Chinese, but within an Equal Money system where everyone is being taken care of equally. No more unequal or self-interest profits is allowed/needed then everything will be made from the starting point of best for all. The profit system is based on the slaves that are needed and there is no way to sustain 1.3 billion Chinese to keep on consuming and the writer believes that the Chinese consumerism is not sustainable and bring no feasible solution to the readers.

As most people have totally missed the point - the products that we have these days do not tend to break sooner because of scientific break through, these goods are deliberately made this way so businessmen/corporations can have more and more lucrative profits as money is sucked from the consumers. People only care about how I can make more money in self-interest, instead of how we can make the product more durable. The technology is already here. The products are not made as durable as it can be, because of elitist self-interest where people do not care about and support each other. Without solving the root evil of greediness, without installing a new Equal Money system, humanity and the earth is on a self-destruct course and it won't be long until we destroy ourselves.

In China, as more and more people rise up in their living standards, the more our earth is running towards self-destruction, because the earth simply cannot sustain that many people to live like this. This is true under a capitalistic system where people/capitalists just consume, consume and consume. We are totally lost in greediness and the desire for more and more money. We are never satisfied and keep wanting more and more and this has become a sickness that not many people are aware of.

What I want to point out is we don't need to live like this where we need slaves. We all can live like millionaires with a house, with clean and healthy food and everyone can laugh and enjoy everyday. It is not a fairly tale, this can actually be lived/ implemented using an Equal Money system. We have the technologies to make the best cars that can last 100 or even 150 years, it is not here because everyone believe in Free markets and lying/cheating to each other by making the products most prone to breaking and this we sell to each other! That's why we all need to work so hard to serve those that have money above us. Earth doesn't have to be hell/capitalism, we don't have to keep consuming, to throw away, then consume again, throw away and repeat cycles like this. We can throw away at a minimal level and all live heaven on earth! We don't have to compete and fight to every last man's standing for survival.

Source: http://www.climatespectator.com.au/commentary/consumerist-china-it-sustainable

I will walk my self-forgiveness on the main points, taken from the article:

“Dodge the gridlock of new cars as you're crossing the recently constructed six-lane Tibet Rd onto Nanjing road proper. Quite suddenly, thousands of black haired people bustle around you humming like bees in this hive of neon stimulation. Families gaze in wonder at a blue illuminated aquarium window display in a department store. A giant screen blares advertisements 20 metres above your head. Young people in brightly coloured outfits sit in Starbucks, laughing over iced coffee and comparing bargains.”


Q: What are the families looking for?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed to feelings/energies/colors and desires to look beautiful or handsome in attracting the next sex victim. I commit myself to not directed by colors and energies.


I forgive myself haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that the greatest enjoyment is Life and physical.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for energy/stimulation/colors and think continuous stimulation is living,, I commit myself to live stability with/as physical and breathe/Life is living.

Next I will be looking at the components of a Character/Personality in the Mind, it consist of the dimensions of Fear, Thought, Imagination, Backchat/Internal Conversations, Reactions (emotions/feelings) and also a Behavioural System. So, we will as we continue within our Blog, now and then walk some Character/Personality examples and how to assist/support self from Character/Personality control, to self-aware living in the Physical.

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/character-dimensions-introduction-day.html

First I will walk examples of the Backchat Dimension: “This is where one would have conversations with oneself as a Personality in the Mind. Thus, Internal Conversations/Backchats would come up/manifest as words, sentences, short statements that can vary in length/intensity.”

Backchat:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have backchats like "oh how attractive I would be when I have that dress!" instead of I commit myself to live Equally with everything here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is embarrassing, I cannot survive and would have no friends if I wear old clothes. I would show that I am poor. I commit myself to only act and dress for best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my friends will leave me if I don't dress new clothes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare and judge others and backchat inside me saying: How ugly that person looks/dress like! when they do not dress align to celebrities, I commit myself to treat everyone's living style/dressing as an expressing here and they are all me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge/value people on the feelings that they can generate  through how they look and how they dress. I commit myself to see/value everything as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to back chat that I'd look/feel better through consuming and I didn't give a damn about existence or earth. I commit myself to show those that are willing to listen that consumerism/energy/feelings are not the key to life, breathe is Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the backchat of: I want it! I want it! I want it! and just want to fulfill my desires. I only care about how I can feel better instead of  I commit myself to learn/live what is best for all and give up specialty as everything/everyone is me.


Reactions when standing in front of Shops' Windows:

Excitement

Jealous

Hate

Excitement:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dive into the energetic feelings and desire for the goodies showing in the windows, having energetic emotions instead of I commit myself to stay here with the physical and satisfied in breath and look for fun within existence as me playing in different roles.

I forgive myself fro accepting and allowing myself to define excitement as experiencing new goods without considering best for all or how the workers need to be enslaved to produce goods for me to enjoy. I commit myself to not participate in the desires but only consider what is best for all and taking my self-responsibility as part of existence, as part of Life and treat everyone/everything as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build my excitement based on abusing Life and others instead of make as durable as possible products so that everyone can enjoy real heaven on earth. I commit myself to show those willing to listen that we are all from the same source as Life and we should give others as what we would like to receive as everyone is me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only look for energy and keep using shopping to fulfill my desires and energy experience instead of realizing that energy is not real and it is not Life. and hence I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to feelings. I commit myself to live as physical as Life and not addicted to feelings and energies.

Reactions when standing in front of Shops' Windows:

Excitement

Jealous

Hate

Jealous:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of those that have the money and can buy all the goodies from stores. I commit myself to stand for oneness and equality and show others that everything that we do/don't do have consequences that we need to face after we die.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself with others that have all the money to buy all these goodies in stores, while disregarding Life is being abused continuously on Earth. I commit myself to show others that we can all live in heaven taking our self-responsibility and give as what we would like to receive.

Hate:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for having lots of money to spend on purchasing goods showing behind the shopping windows and it is unfair for me to have no money to spend and I am not happy with that. I commit myself to learn/show others that everything I do or not do have consequences and without self-refrained desires is not real and will only destroy myself causing pain and sufferings in the future.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put all my angriness into hate and jealous of people that can have lots of money to buy stuffs instead of realizing there are consequences of every act of how I treat others/anything in this world/existence. I commit myself to be satisfied with the physical and don't let my desires/energy run lose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be envious of rich people and always want to take over their money/place, instead of always take care/consider everyone/everything equally. I commit myself to put in what I have/can contribute to make heaven on earth for everyone/children to come.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think have millions of dollars and having the right to buy whatever I want and just throw things away is happiness. I commit myself to realize money is just a tool and enslaving others through money as "buying" has serious consequences as everything is me. How I treat others is how I will be treated in the future.

In the next Blog I will walk the Imagination, Thought and Fear Dimensions. 

Day 62 - Chinese Culture and Religion - a Journey to Life, Introduction

Why I would write a blog for Chinese cultures, Religions and Societal Practices? I feel that many Chinese or most of us currently are totally lost in the dream of living according to an American Life style, which is totally built based on money and enslaving other third world countries, including China. However, we don't care and as long as we can get our piece of pie in the upper elite class, as long as we can have our little heaven, we don't care. Just like the Jews that are very smart in doing business (which are based on deceits and lies), we don't care about anyone else in the world.

I want to find out why and change myself through self-forgiveness, while at the same time using this blog to create awareness about the current self-destructing human nature in consumerism. Hopefully someone who still has a conscious inside them will stand up for Life, join Desteni and myself and walk this process together.

I also want to change my past, self-forgive myself for being superstitious in worshiping religions (and want to get a reward after I die or continue to exist), I used to worship because of fear of death, want to find a way continue to exists after I die – Also many Chinese are lost in the religious domains convinced by all sort of rumors and stories that we don't totally understand or not totally true. 

My Whining and Jealousy

Whining:

I whine a lot. Whenever I see something that is too much to ask/no way I can do it in my mind then I would whine and want to get help/rather quit and save time and effort. I also have no confidence in me of capable of handling these tasks. I too trust my mind in processing/calculating/estimating the outcome instead of common sense. I believe my calculations are absolutely right and can help me avoid wasting time and effort in doing achieving things. I also use whining to try to get help or negotiate to lower the workload. Like in sales, after a few encounters I felt it was so difficult! I couldn’t do it, no way people are going to part their money to buy our product. At first I think it is just a way to exert my frustration and complain something that is told to do something unachievable, now I know I am try to give up. So I was complaining and thinking complaining can quell my emotions and I would feel better. I also think it is justice/righteous that I should complain/whine because it is not fair for me to handle/try to achieve tasks that are too much for me to handle. I would rather save my breathe and do something else that I will succeed.

Like going door knocking in sales, I think it is a waste of time since there is no trust amongst the client and me that it is very likely that they will not buy from me. I told myself(back chats): No, I don’t want to do door knocking. I knew they are not going to buy from me at the beginning, why bother to go through all the troubles/turmoil and waste my time and effort!? I just have this trust in my mind/ego that how I access my problems instead of using common sense like, I will improve my skills when I do more presentation and meet/see more people. What I fear is they do not buy, having me dressed up nicely and do all sort of work and presentations and at the end they don’t buy. Not just I need to wash my shirts/pants at the end of the day and I got no income at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself whenever I feel/see the things are so so difficult and not fun then I use whining to try to manipulate others to victimize me and help me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to whine/complain/nag and think it would help me to make me feel better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust in my mind to access the situation instead of seeing it in common sense way, using common sense to guide me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use backchats as nagging to defend my ego/mind that I am always right and confirm it is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize that actually nothing is predictable not even the mind and everyone’s response is different.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can’t do it, I can’t do sales or door knocking because I can’t convince/manipulate people to have trust and like me and buy from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining as an excuse of not working/trying in sales instead of realizing without trying I can never improve my skills.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is righteous/justice to whine when I am being assigned an too difficult tasks that I cannot handle instead of looking in a fun way to try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself at what I can achieve and using whining to give up instead of always expanding myself and trying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit/hang on to my ego/mind and complain/whine instead of realizing nothing is predictable in existence.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to try play with sales and see it in a fun game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when my father was being absurd in commanding me to do things, I was so small that the only thing I can do is whine and hopefully he can change his mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining to manipulate people/my father because else I would need to do the works like living in hell.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself thinking whining/nagging can gain/manipulate other people’s sympathy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to give up and trust my mind before even trying.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to adjust my course using common sense and learn from my hard work mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people don’t trust/like me and won’t buy from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to people don’t trust/like me and won’t buy from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rather save my breathe, whine and not trying than no fear and learn it the fun way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining to self-pity and use that as an excuse to exert my blame and frustration instead of realizing I am simply angry at myself and I shouldn’t use whining as an excuse to exert and blame on others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not willing to work hard to learn.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchats and whining to blame/manipulate others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining as a protest instead of thinking a common sense way to improve myself or how to tackle the situation in a more effective way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to acquire other’s sympathy, support and comfort and support my later give up so I whine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of facing me being failed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to being failed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself because it feels extremely bad when I fail so I stop trying instead of realize trying is educating myself/me learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to don’t want to learn how to stand up again because I have failed so many times in the past instead of realizing maybe I failed continuously because I didn’t learn from my mistakes.

When and as I see myself as staring to whine, I stop and breathe. I realize whining is not helping me in anyway in solving the problem. I realize if there is a problem that I need to find an effective way to solve it. I realize whining is the prelude of me giving up. I commit  myself to stop whining, don’t use whining to manipulate others for support/sympathy, stand up inside myself and find an effective way to tackle the problem.

I flag the point of when I start backchating: It’s too difficult for me. I stop and breathe and not participating in the mind.

I flag the point of backchating: I can’t do it. I stop and breathe and look for ways common sensely in how to tackle the problem effectively.

I flag the point when I start frustrating, I stop and breathe and remind myself it is me that is angry at myself, it has nothing to do with other people involved or the problem itself. I don’t participate in the mind and stay in breathe.

Jealousy:

I remember I develop jealousy ever since I was a small child, that when my brother has a beautiful wife I have a feeling of jealous. I felt I want to have a wife like her and he doesn’t deserve it. When I was in school when I see some of the rich classmates have all sort of toys, at first I was desperately admire and want to please them in return to play some of their video games and toys. Later it sometimes become jealousy. When I was in US studying, I was jealous of Caucasian’s(especially blonds) look, that I was suppressing it inside me that why they have such a nice look and I don’t. Jealous to people that are attractive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel superior, inferior, compare, self-judging causing jealousy exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have nasty thoughts, gossips and spitefulness wanting to kill/destroy others that are more handsome/beautiful than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous to my brother’s wife instead of realizing that everyone is me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with people that are more beautiful than I do and want to win.

I forgive myself haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize image and colors are just energy/feelings and everyone is actually me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by jealousy and support the mind instead of living equality in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my brother doesn’t deserve a “beautiful” wife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself try to manipulate my classmates for toys and video games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of classmates that have lots of money and toys instead of realizing there is a consequence for enslaving others with money for self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful and having nasty thoughts of destroying Caucasian’s that look more attractive than I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and being as jealousy, spitefulness and nasty thoughts against others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is justice for me to have nasty thoughts and jealousy to people around me instead of realizing everything has justice it just takes time because how they treat others are actually how they treat themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous to boys/men that win the hearts of the girls I like instead of living what is best for all and realize they are all me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use jealousy, spitefulness and nasty thoughts to balance myself out thinking no one can see my thoughts instead of living equality and always doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself for haven’t accepted and allowed myself to compare and spite others that look more handsome/beautiful than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in separation and live jealous, spitefulness gossip and hate on others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act like my aunt and my grandmother to spite and think spiting can harm others or make me feel more comfortable and lost in separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think jealousy is a natural act.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite others and throw tantrum instead of realizing everything is actually me and I need to always do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the girl that I like I already possess her and having a relationship with her that when she ends up with another boy then I become jealous and spiting him, instead of living for best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare and self-judge these boys and feeling inferior and superior about them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself live and directed by inferior to the boys whose girls I am fond of like but at the same time want to be superior to and spite them.

When and as I see myself starting to compare, self-judging, feeling inferior and superior about a boy/men whose girl I like is fond of, I stop and breathe. I realize everything is me and it is not wise to jealous of myself. I realize I should always do what is best for all not just what I like. I realize I am learning to become Life.

When and as I see myself starting to feel jealous and spiteful to the boys/men, I stop and breathe. I realize everything is me and I shouldn’t be jealous of myself. I realize jealousy is the nastiest act and I have to face the consequence of living with/facing myself.

I commit myself to stop being jealous, spiteful and nasty to everything in existence.

I commit myself to stop comparing and self-judging other boys/men.

I commit myself to live for what is best for all.

I commit myself to experience/explore/have fun with what is everything is me equally.

I commit myself to learn from what the boys/men that are showing me that I can improve myself on.

I flag the point when I start having nasty thoughts, I stop and breathe and remind myself breathe and don’t participate in the mind, don’t feed the mind with nasty thoughts and jealousy. It is not about possessing someone or having relationships, it is about what is best for all.

I flag the point when I start being spiteful or gossip to the boys/men. I stop and breathe and remind myself don’t spite and everything is me.

怎樣有效練習新的 Masturbation方法

三四年前看了 Desteni "實際(practicality)"教導新的 Masturbation, 今天又和 Andrea談起. 她建議我把這些都寫在博上, 好讓其他人都可以參考.

首先要停止 Masturbation是很需要自我意志和技巧的. 最主要是留在身体裏的能量得不到釋放, 困在身体裏. 所以我發現, 實際的呼吸是很有效的幫助當癮發作時是很有效的來帶動這些体內的能量. 透過深呼與吸會感到一種沉下去的感覺, 而這樣幾下就回復穩定下來. 然後不要去想這些思想就會解決了難纏的 Masturbation癮.

還有就是看 "實際" 的http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-urGzHO3uN8 視訊. 還有 DesteniChineseTD裏面也有關於新自我表現的 Masturbation視訊. 在現階段, 對我來說, 以自我表現形式而不是能量性的 Mastrubation是有點困難理解/掌握的. 因為沒有能量就好像喝沒有味精的湯. 是另一種感覺/感受. 而起初一直用双手互相磨擦是沒有什麼異樣的感覺的.

Andrea 亦建議我嘗試擁抱自己然後看有什麼 Backchat 反應. 我對擁抱自己的感覺是温暖, 完滿和舒服. 然後把這種感覺應用在双手和身体其他部份的磨擦. 我對擁抱自己的 backchat是假如我媽或其他人看見我, 會對我有什麼看法嗎? 會使我更困難走我的進程嗎? 別人會以為我是同性戀或自戀嗎?


當一呼一吸的時候, 体內的能量會隨着呼吸而流動. 因此不會大量的積聚在体內.


我宽恕自己接受容許自己被別人和我媽對我的看左右我的進程, 而不是以全体最大得益而做決定.


我宽恕自己接受容許自己害怕被別人看見擁抱我自己, 以為我是怪胎/異類.


我宽恕自己接受容許自己覺得只有低等不吸引/孤獨的人才會擁抱自己. 


我宽恕自己接受容許自己接受 Masturbation是理所當然, 然而擁抱自己郤是尷尬的, 而不是盡一切力量停止自慰.


我宽恕自己接受容許自己害怕擁抱自己會因此失去尋找伴侶的機會, 而不是視所有一切都是我自己.


新的 Masturbation 系列有詳細說明怎樣運用 Masturbation 成為一種不用圖像來剌激的以我所知打開物質與物質融合的一種方法.

到現時為止就是覺得一種比較着重在物質性的感覺多於能量性的感受. 而正在鑽研物質性的感受與物質的快感. 把物質的一体平等感覺變成一種興奮.

2012 - Participating in Education Expo.

I thought about writing this in Chinese but I want Cam and other TechnoTutor folks can read my sharing here. Besides, I haven't write in English for a long long time now. I heard from Cam that writing everything out(emotions, fears etc.) can help release and direct myself in the future when I face similar situation again. So here I am writing out all my experiences inside me during the 2 days Journey being part of the team in the  TechnoTutor booth.

At first I thought it will be fun and great I can sharpen my skills and meet lots of people. Having a lot of fun or stuffs to look at, it will be a fabulous experience. However when I get there it's totally not what I expected. People are just rushing around and looking mainly for books. They don't have time to chit chat with me. Avery told us have to have fun because they can sense us inside and I have difficulties in putting my fun personality suit on. I mean I don't find fun there. I was there to practice my skills however half of the people I say hi to ignore me, others say hi back. Only 1 in 10 are willing to stay and look at what I am presenting. I judge myself: according to my current skill and English ability, how I am going to arouse their interest in our product? There is no way! I am wasting my effort. However, I haven't realized this is learning. Learning requires time and effort.

So I force myself to walk on the aisle practicing my smile like an idiot. I confess that I feel good afterwards when I have improved my smiling. But it was embarrassing and pointless to me to approach other booths and pretend that I am interested in their product. I have backchats like: That would be cheating! I am using them to promote my products. That would be lying or I feel like I am hurting another me. When they find out I am using them. I didn't realize if the point is for best for all then it is ok, they should have forgive me. I also have a lot of worries like if they find out the truth of I am using them. I better hide or not approaching them to avoid they find out my truth of using them for sales. I became reluctant to move forward or even try learning. I only feel good when I see myself improved or when I got happy feedback.

I know I can't just let this golden opportunity pass by so I force myself to approach a few counters. Forcing me to talk to them. Ask about the products. Pretending that I am interested in their products. I feel guilt inside me of not wanting their products but faking my interest in theirs. Always have this I am lying haunting me at my back. I don't know how to handle this guilt of I am using them, even for Best for all.

Till now, I do feel better after writing my fear, worries and guilt out. I have written stuffs inside me before and I do feel Tremendous Amount of release afterwards. Like they just disappear/vaporized. Funny that writing these things out feel like doing self-forgiveness. I feel relax(Yes, we can't just say relax or force ourselves to relax and then suddenly our body will feel better. No, I found that I need to self-forgive myself properly to really feel relax and pleasure). I feel like I am ready for a fresh start.


SF:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be perfect inside all the people in the education expo's eyes.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to realize when I starting point is best for all, it is ok even for manipulation.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to practice and live self-honesty as acting for Best for all instead of just being honest to myself and I don't care how others are suffering and dying because of no money on earth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my honesty guilt direct me instead of being self-honest.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to realize it is not hurting anyone by me but for Best for all even hurting another is ok and acceptable since I am doing for Best for all, I can take the consequence of that.

I forgive myself haven't allowed myself to realize it is not about lying but packaging myself to be acceptable/presentable to others in the booths.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish and don't want the consequence of manipulation and feeling guilt and rather someone take the consequence instead of realizing I should always do what is best for all, even including manipulation.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dominated by my honest guilt instead of learn from my mistakes and change myself being effective in doing what is best for all.

Voip 與平等富裕! 所有服務與產品都是 "免費"的可能嗎?

連續三天在跟家裏的 Voip拼摶. 買了個 linksys 的 SPA3102(我常常都拼錯它的型號). 其實跟買手機的情形是一樣的. 這個品牌有這樣的優點, 那個有這些優點但全都各自有缺點而且不會耐用. 我也不想每兩三年就丟棄一大堆電子產品, 我也不想購買, 但沒有辨法. 在現時的資本/個人利潤主義的世界裏, 我也需要省錢, 我也需要 "生存".

Voip 本來是一個只有在資本主義的環境下才會出現的東西. 就只是為了省電話費. 我們温哥華一個月要付 $28加元的家用電話線. 我們已經是幾年後等技術較成熟時才考慮轉用. 首先, 在平等富裕金錢系統下, 所有人都會有一條電話線(包括手機). 然後會用為全体最大利益, 最優良的質料和科技(因為所有專利都不再存在, 所有真正的科研都是為全体人類及存在裏一切而研究, 不再分你我他或彼此). 然後所有現時需要付費的功能都變成免費. 所有維護都是所有人共同承擔. 因為這是為支援所有人類, 是一項必需的服務.

其次像我每次購買任何東西, 都因為怕被廠商欺騙而連續做一個星期的工課, 查看個品牌的產品是最 "相宜". 這樣的浪費每一個人的時間和精神的工課, 在平等富裕金錢裏都不再需要. 就像我這次已經讀了很多網上的報告, 還是搞出這麼大的麻煩出來. 是製造商 Linksys 的 ATA處理回音的軟件出了問題, 而夠完善. 而它們就只一直繼續賣. 還推搪說是用家不會調較. 事實是現在的大企業都畜意的令產品不完善, 而迫使我們消費者每幾年就需要換掉. 在平富金錢裏, 這些都不再需要擔心. 所有產品出現問題, 每一個人都會得到免費最好, 最完善的更新和補救. 因為, 我們是不分彼此都是真正的 "一家人". 我們人類在存在裏是一体的. 共同彼此承擔和享樂和責任. 其中一個捱餓/受傷就是全人類捱餓/受傷. 一個小孩享的樂/食物/住屋就是所有小孩全人類都平等享有的樂/食物/住屋 - 這就是平等富裕金錢!

在平等富裕金錢下, 我們完全不需要擔心會否買貴了, 或需要做大量的研究才能夠下決定買那一個品牌的產品. 如果真的不幸壞了會免費得到更換或修理. 也不需要害怕會花太多錢在不必要的價格上, 因為錢不再是生存的必須品 - 不再是個人貪婪的工具體, 而是一個導向我們走往天堂在地球的工具. 不再害怕其他人是不可信頼, 不再害怕鄰居是可怕和互相利用的, 一切都是平等互相幫助逹至實際天堂在地球, 為全体最大得益為出發點. 讓每一個小孩子都能夠不需要擔心金錢, 成年人工作 4-6年就可以免費得到所有最精密/優良的產品, 更多的時間與大自然和家庭起, 探訪鄰居, 一起把工作變成有越的娛樂. 真正的路不需要拾遺, 夜更不需要閉户的天堂在地球! 小孩子可以真正天真快樂地成長!

電影歸途列車! 中華民族渴望幾千年的好日子究竟在那裏?! (2)

每個人都沉醉在幻想自已怎樣可以讓此生透過越多的商品, 嘗試滿足無責任殆盡一切的購物欲/多重自我表現/性/快感. 而這些是我們大部份人如果不是 Desteni是不會亦不知道怎樣找這些資料來學習的. 在看得到的檻房裏的人是會想盡辨法脫離的, 這些精英們都十分清楚, 而是給閉上眼一直沉醉在自已的幻想心智腦海裏的人, 連自已被困在四邊形的牆(就如現時的科舉/八股制, 或醫生/律師彩池裏)也不自知的, 才是最容易被預編程的羊群.

最深刻的一句就是, 在第三集: 你不能沒有改變個人的層面, 就能夠改變社會(系統). 而這就是我過往一直忽略了的. 也是為什麼 Bernard說需要耐性, 像對病人一樣. 我過往就是一直潛意識上想跳過個人改變的層面而推動社會的改變. 我發覺這是不行的, 行不通的. Bernard說是透過每一個人的想法改變才會和平地帶出改變. 帶出個人和社會/政治層面是相輔相成的. 除此以外一切其他方法都只會導至暴力(像佔領華爾街, 六七十年代的反越戰暴動). 而歴史不斷証明給我們的祖父母, 父母, 我們自已, 甚至我們的兒女看 -- 一切不守法的抗爭都注定失敗的. 只有透過政治/參政(政綱/提倡的新法令 -- 如我們的平等富裕金錢法)才能夠帶出改變. 看看, 我們每個人都一直在投票, 從三國時代的諸候制, 帝皇群臣制, 軍阀蟻民制, 到現時部份國家的民主制, 我們一直在投票/支援着不同的政府/理念. 而我們支援/投給的叫做 "平等富裕金錢". 沒有得到大多數人的投票/支援, 精英是沒有可能得到實質權力的. 盡管他們正籌備七八年後的大戰, 我們每個人都是他們冷漠/冷血的反映, 我們過往的容許和接受才是罪魁禍首, 而每一個人都想坐在他們掌權無盡財富的位置. 把責任全怨責在精英們身上是自我不誠實, 沒有承認/領悟到所有一切都是我. 我們本是一体的, 耶穌的名言: (不要)只看見別人眼中有刺，卻不想想自己眼中有樑木.

製造商品的痛苦代價. 我們會一件用的手機/商品/衣服全都需要透過奴役其他沒有錢的人的血汗/慘痛經歷來建成的. 沒有奴隸根本沒有人會在工廠裏每天奴役 8-10個小時. 所以我們對身邊一切的慘況/他們的憤怒是要直接/間接負上自我責任的. 所以在購買任何商品前, 你們同意為了這個世界和自己將來的報應, 我們是需要衡量我是否需要這件產品, 和承受死後面對這些工人為生產這件貨品所受的痛苦? 我的決定/行為是否符合平等生命的守則?

2012 電影歸途列車 - 1

昨晚開始有感冒了, 但因為病毒其實是在協助我們把身体裏面的系統連根拔起(uprooting)的. 所以沒有吃藥. 現時這個世界的藥, 特別是西藥都是為了賺錢而增強你体內的系統, 包括心智系統(mind)而製成的. 我還記得當我是小孩的時候,那時藥還是很貴的. 所以我們不嚴重的病是不會服藥的. 每次病完後都會感覺換然一身的感覺. 這是真的. 所以這已是我第三次不吃藥, 就只是休息和放鬆身体讓感冒菌做它們的工作.

已有一段時間沒有寫 blog了. 很多時候我都在想, 現在真的沒有多少個人在看我十寫的 blog, 我真的值得花時間來寫嗎? Bernard說 patience, 叫我要有耐性. 在這麼急的時期, 只有七年多八年的時間. 而所有人都 "滿意"現時的資本奴隸系統. 我已經不停做了將要四年了. 還是這渺渺可數的數個人在參與. 十的次方在開頭真的是這樣的嗎?

歸途列車是一套完全令我看了以後, 開始明白在內地的農民面對着怎樣的搾壓, 低下工人怎樣為錢而拼命為生存為兒女, 希望在資本賭塲裏終有一天奇蹟能夠降臨自已的兒女身上, 考取好成績, 搖身一變成為大醫生, 大律師, 大老板. 好讓他們和自已能夠脫離苦海. 我覺得一般人就是缺乏用常識(common sense)來看事物.讀書已經變成了每天買的廉價彩票. 而不是找出一個所有人都得到平等照顧, 平等教育, 平等工作和娛樂的社會 -- 這就是每個人只需工作四至六年就一生的住屋, 飲食, 基本衛生/醫療, 交通都得到保證. 或許有人會問你憑什麼來保證?? 我會說, 你存在銀行的錢他們又憑什麼對你保證?? 是包裝? 外表? 你每四年投票選一次的總統對你的保證/承諾有那一條不是反臉不認帳?? 只不過在經濟好的時候大家就 "忘記了", 消條時就拿他們來消氣. 一邊罵一邊說自已無奈.

首先, 如 Bernard說, 一百個貧人裏面有一兩個可以擠身上流的大醫生, 大律師社會. 這不叫做成功故事, 這是 "貧人透過讀書中了彩票而大事宣揚". 然後, 常識就是, 那剩下來的 98個人又怎樣了? 這就是資本競爭主義的精粹 - 放棄全体最大得益而全体供養 5%的巨富, 精英(elite). 置其餘 95%的人死活不顧, 讓他們自生自滅/餓死. 只拼命說: 老天𤕖眷顧我, 保估我一家將來有好日子過(升級). 那其他人的好日子呢? 我們現在的世界是一個兩極對立的系統, 因為你一家升了級那因而要代替你家的貧賤級的那幾個人又怎樣了?

然後實際在背後操縱一切的精英, 真的會讓大多數人升級嗎?? 這根本是不可能的事. 在一班讀八股文/醫科/法律的學生中有可能一半以上的人都變成醫生/律師嗎? 事實證明不會. 真正成功的就只有幾個.

歸途列車還讓我看到我們活在的民主只是一個假象, 只是一個讓精英對群眾更容易被引導投出預定結果的投票綿羊. 這其實是另一套 Bernard 叫我們務必要看和明白的紀錄片: BBC 的 The Century of the Self (BBC 探求自我的世纪). 字幕可以在這裏 http://www.9sub.com/sub/88238/1下載(中第一二, 英字全四集). 只要把視訊和字幕檔用相同的名字命名(但請保留 .srt)放在同一個欄裏播就可以了. 重點在第三和四集, 解釋政治組織/精英怎樣利用表面上是民主, 而事實是透過廣告誘發每一個人, 透過購買來完成不同形式的自我表現/体驗(能量性快樂). 有滑水表現, 有時裝的表現, 有動感紅色跑車的表現, 有金色手機的表現. 而民主在潛意識裏除了把注意力分散在林林種種五光十色的商品上, 還把投票權變成了投給誰最能哄騙你可以給你更多錢/購買力的演講.