Self-Forgiveness on killings on video games and fear of cops

多謝大家留言支持, It has been for quite quite awhile, a long while ago almost a year ago before I pushed by Robert to pick up and write this blog again, ha, it's almost a dead blog.

What has happened this year? lots and lots of things happened. I have been doing the translation work in http://www.youtube.com/DesteniChineseTD. Using one year, I have translated close to 300 videos. Thank goodness most of the core videos I have translated them into chinese, got some 200 to 300 stead viewers, also setup a chinese forum for mostly at this moment are taiwaneses to gather up. Of course their response currently are not very active in participation.

Also studied the Desteni SRA course for a couple of months, it assist a lot because at least for my current level, I can use muscle communication to ask the physical about like my dreams about, give me hints give me answers. The SRA took me a lot of time and effort to do the exercise and know the materials because it is totally not as easy as I think. Really need to spend a few hours each day to do the 'SRA homeworks', and for the worse part I find the materials difficult to understand. To me they are not very detailed or sometimes lacking of examples which I find examples are very important in learning the materials. So right now because of money time and efforts I have stopped SRA for a month or so, 'hopefully' I can as Andrea said, re-join another group once I got stablized in the real-estate business which I would also write about in the next paragraph.

Money money and moeny. what I found out in the matrix - this current enslavement pyramid world, what I or you need is money. everyone needs money. like without money my mom fuicking even said will cut my internet line, I can't support myself to keep contact with Desteni. I have encountered some people said: Oh so you have changed? you destenians still have desires? It is not desires 欲望 or anything, it's the basic common sense, without money Desteni even can't exist I see that point after I joint desteni for awhile. so what can I do? I don't have a degree, currently too late go back to school and earn a degree or so(and I missed the chance to work for desteni education because I don't have a degree to apply for a NT visa) so how can I generate money? it would almost be a miracle happen on me to generate money in vancouver this lousy business area, while like 3 to 4 years ago when still is the white-light period, I have studied real-estate and wants to become a realtor, but they require you to pass an exam first. at first I was like, I was never good at studying and memorizing things, my Life was programed that way, so I gave up 2 years ago, after studying for 2 months and everything was still a cloud a mess inside my head, I just read but nothing is processed and I can't recalled them. However, these few months I realized: Oh shit! I can't go on like this. yes I support Desteni with chinese translation but I am not getting any money, even when they said I can go and train in SA for 2 months, I don't fuicking have the money to buy the ticket. and after a year's full time work, the DesetniChineseTD channel is already quite on track 上了軌道, as I said most of the core videos got translated I should consider how to earn money to support me, at least to keep my internet opened and maybe even some extra money to support desteni, so I decided to pick up the real-estate licensing course again, thanks Life I hadn't paid it, I got a 1990 version text book from a friend.

So I study it for two months, strange, this time, things are more smoothe the materials are more make sense when I read them this time. maybe I am reading through the physical? I am not sure, before I was squeezing my brain to try to 'memorize' them, I mean I know nothing about Desteni and all how these things work, I knew nothing, I though the brain cells are everything. I mean, how primitive we currently are, how less we know about this universe or even how our body works and everyday all sorts of people on radio TV you name it, claiming they can heal or are experts on what area and they are making a living earning lots of money! In fact they are the very naive and ignorant people propergating their theory. this world is totally in reverse. so I am on the road to take the real estate exam again, I mean I want to work for desteni, I want to work for desteni education, of course right now the more practical would be want to join the Desteni income plan, but even that I would need money I would need to get some income and re-join the SRA course as a prerequisite.

Oh man, writing this already cost me 2 hours, not to mention I have dreams every night and still haven't use Muscle communication to assist me write SF on last night's dreams. I don't have time to write at this moment, I need to study the real-estate exam, if I fail, I would need to wait at least three months before I can retake it.


Ok, here is some backgrounds for my dream. I dream I was inside a video game, I am a woman(very strange) an agent or something with a gun and have a female partner tied up, and got some nudity scene too(don't know why), then she got disappeared got moved somewhere, then I was stalking inside a room and a uniformed security guard was walking opposite site, and I have a split of a second want to shoot him. I kind of like project I have sort of feel the high excitement surge(split of excitement) if I go shoot him.

killing people inside video games(MC test out-> joilliness 愉快).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill people inside video games.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to experiencing killing inside a video game.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see shooting a gun to kill people inside a video game is cool not realizing what I accepted and allowed will be my nautre essence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself I want to kill people inside video games.
I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to feel 愉快 in killing people inside video games.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find my jolliness in killing people inside video games.
I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to think it is 愉快 to kill people inside video games and it's just virtual.
I forgive myself that I have accpted and allowed myself to want to feel killing is 愉快.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the nastiness of killing people inside video games.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel happy and excited when seeing people suffer and being killed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel excited when I see people suffer and executed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my spite on people by killing poople.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel elation when killing people.

Within seeing I want to enjoy the joliness of killing people inside video games I stop breathe and do not participate for everyone and everything in existence is oneness and equal.


this is a dream that I was talking to a cop, he was very friendly almost like a friend. I have a partner he is at the back of the van, we have many crates of guns and ammos, for some reason my partner is frustrated and he wants to show the cop the guns and ammos, I was quite frighten that he would do so and the cop might find out.

fear of cops (5 points) (MC word that will most assist me in writing SF: evil 邪惡 魔鬼, meek 謙恭)
I forgive myself that I have accpepted and allowed myself to fear cops.
I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to fear cops have guns that can kill me.
I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to fear being killed and not existed anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to be humble and obey cops or else I would get into troubles.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cops as gods.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bend myself fearing of cops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite cops are evil.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate cops are evil.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that a cop can harm me anyway he wants.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a evil person in front of a cop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might discover my deeds as evil in front of a cop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as evil in compare to a cop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to meek to a cop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me inferior and humble to a cop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I must meek and worship a cop.

Within seeing me wanted to meek a cop I stop and breathe and being normal and do not fear him.
Within seeing me feeling inferior and worrying i am evil in front of a cop I stop and breathe and do not fear of a cop.