Lost what I type in this blogger

Maybe there is something wrong I don't know what went wrong, some of my previous saved draft is gone. I have type quite some paragraphs about self-forgiveness on excitement, which is a really big topic since I and most people have defined ourselves as energetic excitements and I have like 20 primary pattern point on excitement and I ask what is the word that will most assist me in writing self forgiveness on excitement, since it is such a huge topic, muscle communication shows me elaborate.

Have finally push myself to make two vlogs about how I found desteni, I am getting better at this, not so scared and frightened, but there are really some works that I need to write the script out of what I am going to talk about that topic before I actually making the recording. this currently is quite time consuming since I really need to organize my words first. Last night when I make the second vlog, I didn't check the setting and it record the line in instead of from the webcam's mic, I didn't find out until I have finished the recording and I have to remake the whole thing again. At first I was really discouraged that I need to make the whole thing again, but surprisingly, the third one is better than the previous one. I talk more naturally more close to what I want to express.

Excitement (10 points) MC -> primary core pattern point -> Convivial 歡樂

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself addicted to banquet as excitement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use gathering and banquet to get wild into energetic excitement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get excited in wines and banquets.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define joy only in energetic excitements.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use energy as my only excitement.

Since I am working on my way to become a realtor I went to sears with my mom and found out I have gain a lot of weight, I need to buy 38waist pants. it's really causing me troubles since I am now 190 pounds not just it might hinder my impression as a realtor, it also causing me snort while sleeping and clamping in the chest area. I really need to do something about it. I used Muscle communication to ask is there a primary pattern point that can assist me in losing weight, it seems no at first or maybe I didn't ask it correcting, later I tested it out as lazy. really I have a lot of self-forgiveness to write on lazy. I always enjoy lazy, first it is a silent protest of you can do anything under my parent's control|suppression, secondly I used to have a very close friend that is extremely lazy(robin) that I should have copied it from him.

Obesity MC -> Lazy (2 points)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and enjoying lazy as recharging.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep to recharging myself as laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to left everything to my mom to take care of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself use lazy as a protest for I can't do anything under my parent's containment.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that lazy is not living.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that lazy is wasting my time on earth.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself that when I am lazy I am not expressing myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I enjoy expressing as a child long time ago.

Core primary pattern point MC -> clement 寛大
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clement and use clement as an excuse of not expressing myself and lazy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clement be gentle and not arguing with my mom and think I would rather lazy and save my breathe in not arguing with my mom.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use clement as comfortable but not realizing it is actually a laziness and feeling of energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use clement as my expression not realizing clement is a feeling for laziness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in clement as an bending of myself to my parents.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use clement to hide away from my problems thinking I don't need to face them.

Within seeing me want to use clement as lazy I stop and breathe do not participate the feeling of clement and express myself.

MC -> mousily 像老鼠
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think acting mousily can protect me and defending me from others that want to know my secrets.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable when I am mousily to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think if I act mousily I can protect my secrets.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act mousily so I can be smart.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act mousily so I am not in the spot light and I will not make a habit of enjoying showing myself under the spot light and if I become older and not attracted by the peer I would have a painful life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think acting mousily is keeping my head down and avoiding drawing conflict and attention from others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think acting mousily is a low profile way of catching attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to act mousily to catch a female's attention.

Word that will most assist me in writing self-forgiveness point on mousily (4 points) MC -> cordially 誠摯地 MC: Is it I am not cordially enough? yes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not sincere cordially treating people around me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can take advantages from people around me so I can enjoy my life with money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think treating people cordially will open a door inviting people around me to deceive and take advantage of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is stupid to treat people around me cordially since no body will pity on me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I cannot treat people around me cordially since I need to protect myself from losing advantages.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to too lazy and not even want to try treat people around me cordially to them.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that we are oneness and equally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too frighten to treat people around me cordially.

Within seeing me wanted to be mousily I breathe and stop and treat people around me cordially oneness equally.