My Whining and Jealousy

Whining:

I whine a lot. Whenever I see something that is too much to ask/no way I can do it in my mind then I would whine and want to get help/rather quit and save time and effort. I also have no confidence in me of capable of handling these tasks. I too trust my mind in processing/calculating/estimating the outcome instead of common sense. I believe my calculations are absolutely right and can help me avoid wasting time and effort in doing achieving things. I also use whining to try to get help or negotiate to lower the workload. Like in sales, after a few encounters I felt it was so difficult! I couldn’t do it, no way people are going to part their money to buy our product. At first I think it is just a way to exert my frustration and complain something that is told to do something unachievable, now I know I am try to give up. So I was complaining and thinking complaining can quell my emotions and I would feel better. I also think it is justice/righteous that I should complain/whine because it is not fair for me to handle/try to achieve tasks that are too much for me to handle. I would rather save my breathe and do something else that I will succeed.

Like going door knocking in sales, I think it is a waste of time since there is no trust amongst the client and me that it is very likely that they will not buy from me. I told myself(back chats): No, I don’t want to do door knocking. I knew they are not going to buy from me at the beginning, why bother to go through all the troubles/turmoil and waste my time and effort!? I just have this trust in my mind/ego that how I access my problems instead of using common sense like, I will improve my skills when I do more presentation and meet/see more people. What I fear is they do not buy, having me dressed up nicely and do all sort of work and presentations and at the end they don’t buy. Not just I need to wash my shirts/pants at the end of the day and I got no income at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself whenever I feel/see the things are so so difficult and not fun then I use whining to try to manipulate others to victimize me and help me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to whine/complain/nag and think it would help me to make me feel better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust in my mind to access the situation instead of seeing it in common sense way, using common sense to guide me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use backchats as nagging to defend my ego/mind that I am always right and confirm it is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize that actually nothing is predictable not even the mind and everyone’s response is different.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I can’t do it, I can’t do sales or door knocking because I can’t convince/manipulate people to have trust and like me and buy from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining as an excuse of not working/trying in sales instead of realizing without trying I can never improve my skills.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is righteous/justice to whine when I am being assigned an too difficult tasks that I cannot handle instead of looking in a fun way to try.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself at what I can achieve and using whining to give up instead of always expanding myself and trying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit/hang on to my ego/mind and complain/whine instead of realizing nothing is predictable in existence.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to try play with sales and see it in a fun game.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when my father was being absurd in commanding me to do things, I was so small that the only thing I can do is whine and hopefully he can change his mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining to manipulate people/my father because else I would need to do the works like living in hell.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself thinking whining/nagging can gain/manipulate other people’s sympathy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to give up and trust my mind before even trying.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to adjust my course using common sense and learn from my hard work mistakes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that people don’t trust/like me and won’t buy from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to people don’t trust/like me and won’t buy from me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rather save my breathe, whine and not trying than no fear and learn it the fun way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining to self-pity and use that as an excuse to exert my blame and frustration instead of realizing I am simply angry at myself and I shouldn’t use whining as an excuse to exert and blame on others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not willing to work hard to learn.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in backchats and whining to blame/manipulate others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use whining as a protest instead of thinking a common sense way to improve myself or how to tackle the situation in a more effective way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting to acquire other’s sympathy, support and comfort and support my later give up so I whine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear of facing me being failed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to being failed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself because it feels extremely bad when I fail so I stop trying instead of realize trying is educating myself/me learning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to don’t want to learn how to stand up again because I have failed so many times in the past instead of realizing maybe I failed continuously because I didn’t learn from my mistakes.

When and as I see myself as staring to whine, I stop and breathe. I realize whining is not helping me in anyway in solving the problem. I realize if there is a problem that I need to find an effective way to solve it. I realize whining is the prelude of me giving up. I commit  myself to stop whining, don’t use whining to manipulate others for support/sympathy, stand up inside myself and find an effective way to tackle the problem.

I flag the point of when I start backchating: It’s too difficult for me. I stop and breathe and not participating in the mind.

I flag the point of backchating: I can’t do it. I stop and breathe and look for ways common sensely in how to tackle the problem effectively.

I flag the point when I start frustrating, I stop and breathe and remind myself it is me that is angry at myself, it has nothing to do with other people involved or the problem itself. I don’t participate in the mind and stay in breathe.

Jealousy:

I remember I develop jealousy ever since I was a small child, that when my brother has a beautiful wife I have a feeling of jealous. I felt I want to have a wife like her and he doesn’t deserve it. When I was in school when I see some of the rich classmates have all sort of toys, at first I was desperately admire and want to please them in return to play some of their video games and toys. Later it sometimes become jealousy. When I was in US studying, I was jealous of Caucasian’s(especially blonds) look, that I was suppressing it inside me that why they have such a nice look and I don’t. Jealous to people that are attractive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel superior, inferior, compare, self-judging causing jealousy exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have nasty thoughts, gossips and spitefulness wanting to kill/destroy others that are more handsome/beautiful than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous to my brother’s wife instead of realizing that everyone is me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with people that are more beautiful than I do and want to win.

I forgive myself haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize image and colors are just energy/feelings and everyone is actually me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by jealousy and support the mind instead of living equality in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my brother doesn’t deserve a “beautiful” wife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself try to manipulate my classmates for toys and video games.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of classmates that have lots of money and toys instead of realizing there is a consequence for enslaving others with money for self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be spiteful and having nasty thoughts of destroying Caucasian’s that look more attractive than I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and being as jealousy, spitefulness and nasty thoughts against others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it is justice for me to have nasty thoughts and jealousy to people around me instead of realizing everything has justice it just takes time because how they treat others are actually how they treat themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous to boys/men that win the hearts of the girls I like instead of living what is best for all and realize they are all me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use jealousy, spitefulness and nasty thoughts to balance myself out thinking no one can see my thoughts instead of living equality and always doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself for haven’t accepted and allowed myself to compare and spite others that look more handsome/beautiful than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in separation and live jealous, spitefulness gossip and hate on others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act like my aunt and my grandmother to spite and think spiting can harm others or make me feel more comfortable and lost in separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think jealousy is a natural act.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite others and throw tantrum instead of realizing everything is actually me and I need to always do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think the girl that I like I already possess her and having a relationship with her that when she ends up with another boy then I become jealous and spiting him, instead of living for best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare and self-judge these boys and feeling inferior and superior about them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself live and directed by inferior to the boys whose girls I am fond of like but at the same time want to be superior to and spite them.

When and as I see myself starting to compare, self-judging, feeling inferior and superior about a boy/men whose girl I like is fond of, I stop and breathe. I realize everything is me and it is not wise to jealous of myself. I realize I should always do what is best for all not just what I like. I realize I am learning to become Life.

When and as I see myself starting to feel jealous and spiteful to the boys/men, I stop and breathe. I realize everything is me and I shouldn’t be jealous of myself. I realize jealousy is the nastiest act and I have to face the consequence of living with/facing myself.

I commit myself to stop being jealous, spiteful and nasty to everything in existence.

I commit myself to stop comparing and self-judging other boys/men.

I commit myself to live for what is best for all.

I commit myself to experience/explore/have fun with what is everything is me equally.

I commit myself to learn from what the boys/men that are showing me that I can improve myself on.

I flag the point when I start having nasty thoughts, I stop and breathe and remind myself breathe and don’t participate in the mind, don’t feed the mind with nasty thoughts and jealousy. It is not about possessing someone or having relationships, it is about what is best for all.

I flag the point when I start being spiteful or gossip to the boys/men. I stop and breathe and remind myself don’t spite and everything is me.