Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Breathe and time, Child feeling

Have been practicing with breathe for awhile. something quite interesting. i short of feeling what i was like when i was a child. i counter my breathe backward. the actions and are the same set of four count breathe but i sort of put the beingness or feeling of the 'change' reverse. i observe the breathe carefully and there is sort of a 'time' sequence in the breathe, that this time 'walk'/tick during my four count breathe. it's not the motions that is reversed but the beingness/the tick of the time/clock/reactions inside the breathe that is reversed. what i got is, i sort of go back to what i felt when i was a child, 'time' become very slow and i sort of become fast inside. when i look at the clock at the computer - it's like the long lost feeling of: has the time passed yet? how come i felt time's going so slow? it was feeling quite. you know, like when you breathe even in four count breathe, you feel there is a linear time continnuem connecting the whole breathing process, and it's this linear continnum that i 'sort of' reverse. whenever i feel it's 'going along time' i reverse the direction of what it did and it was fun. feel like, live or being in a vacum of time.

When playing with the breathe, i also played with infinity/enternity. currently not have much to say about it. i have only practice it for couple of hours. but, for example, when i at this moment treating infinity is inside my breathe..there are vastness of some sorts. sort of what i am breathing is infinity itself.

But Self-Honesty as far as i know is the key. because what i am inside manifest the events outward. not quite the opposite. However, the thing is whenever i have self-honest it sort of my like/become personal-honest/ego-honest. i become ignoring my environment, sort of ignoring anything but myself ..is it normal? or should it be source-honest? push my self-honest inside my breathe and purify it? that's what i am considering.

Currently, really don't have much to say. but, it gives me the experience of breath really control/related to time. this time is how i experience myself inside illusion of time, which actually not real.

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