I had studied chiromancy for 15 years, as an amateur palm reader, I can predict someone's past history or events with a 65% accuracy. So that's pretty accurate. I was lost as most people nowadays -- using whatever means possible to find money(not even earn, as long as I can get more money and enjoyments, that would be my only concern). Working on how to predict my own fate, how to improve my luck.
Before my father die, there is no "death" in my life. My life is just find ways to masturbate and enjoy myself. Ever since my father "die" when I was 32? or 33, death becomes something so close to me, so imminent. Almost like death "suddenly walk into my Life" and tremendous amount of fear of not existing any more arise inside me. So I start studying popular religion -- hoping to find answers for is there anything beyond death from our ancestor's documents. I read the whole bible(new + old testament) once. I prayed for god thank you him for providing me meals for one month. Nothing happens. I keep testing and nothing really change. Then I began to question these religions.
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I mean, the idea of no question permitted but god "has the best plane for you". He won't tell you what that plan for you is you just keep praying keep having faith in him(lol almost like sink with the ship faith) and things will turn out good. If it didn't turn out good then you are guaranteed to have your place in a heaven after death. Almost like someone gave you a $100,000,000 check and told me: No questions permitted but then you are permitted to cash this one million dollar after you die in your afterLife. It sounds like a 50-50 chance but if you use common sense, it is in fact less than 50% because the so called testaments are only a handful, not to mention no one has ever came back and tell us: Hey, god really exist! he cash me this check $100,000,000 and I put them into a bank in heaven. I am coming to tell you. I mean, the more I study Christianity, the more remind of me the movie Wizard of OZ. When the wizard project his green big head on the projector screen and instruct Dorothy and the lion and tin man do this and do that. When Dorothy began to question with common sense and the big green head just throw them with rage and told them how dare you question my commands!?
Buddhism is even worse! Basically they just emphasize on suppressing your sexual desire, being vegetarian don't eat meat, recite the Buddhism scriptures 500times a day and being a kind and generous person then you can cleanse your sins, end your atrocities your karma and find ultimate peace and happiness wonder nirvana land. I mean, every religion, at the end(of the day), have to give you a postdated check, agree? And they "always depict" a heaven or Eden at the end to keep you think: Great! This can solve all my problems/pain while I was on earth. It is worth enduring it and I will be reward "greatly"! after death! It's still worth investing(especially money) on these religious organizations. I mean, the more I investigate into it, the more (common sense)questions appear, more contradictions rises inside me and I started to question my belief and faith in all these Christianity or Buddhism. I concluded with: I am not satisfied. The more I read and study or listen, the more questions that doesn't make sense at all arise. Like, killing the animals and cooked them on the plate for us to eat and we thank god for creating the "cow" to scream in pain and drown in tears and die?? Not the cow?? Furthermore, Let's put aside the logical paradox of how can the all mighty god raise a rock that he cannot raise but why god created us that need to eat and sleep when god is all mighty and all capable?? Why the world is full of rapists, murderers and a handful of people will trillions of wealth?? Why the trillionaires live over 90 years old and most third world countries like African, children dying on the street or enslaved in factories camp before their 20th birthday??
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