After almost 9 months, finally got invited into the Private Forum in Desteni. got quite Tired this week 'cause of reading the New Stuffs in Private Forum(chat logs - which are very Interesting when involve Bernard and various Dimension Beigns, Bernard's posts, posts/info. that i have missed.), keeping track of the Public Forum, continuing the Translation thing, and watching some 'entertaining TV programs' from the internet. one really need to keep track of what period of time is for what task each day, else, the time just disapper quickly. i still enjoy and view it as meaningful in translating, not mechanical but i did yawn a lot(which is a indication that my mind wants to shut me down) and my body just sored.
To see results, i am wondering if i am too concentrated on Knowing instead of Applying. i have read quite a lot but i don't really realized/understand a lot. it is getting Better through days though, sometimes, i watch videos that catch my eyes again. i do not like being alone - without a purpose. i feel emabrrase (which is a sign of want to stay in the line of other systems) if other people hear my loud Self-Forgiveness statements. i reluctant to face/being with myself. i reluctant to accept that i am also responsible for all the Evils/other me's Artrocities that exist in this World.
The current Self-Interested Money System is a mess. we collectively responsible for creating it, of course there are much more that i/we don't understand/realize at this moment. the inter-dimension knows more. we pursuit for InEquality, Energetic Experience(S*x, Excitement), climbing the Hiearchy of Other's Enslavement, blind to the Consequences of our Acts using Laws and Justifications, cheats, cons, murders, in what i view/realized so far is mainly because peopel don't see/feel their Actions'/what they don't Acts' Consequneces Right Away. what is not experienced Here is not real, and people are willing to obsessed in an unreal world, currently experiencing through their minds. what most people enslaved for 6days each week for? what is money for? exchange of S*x/ M*sturbation/a share of the Glamorous World's Energetic Excitement/Stimulation Pie, or Alcohol - Systematic Proliferating Joy that we experience it through the mind, and want more and better each time. during my last flue, i didn't take any medication, the healing procee is painful, but afterwards, i feel More Free inside. i am feeling i am More in Control and Natural. however, how many popele out there will take my advice? my mom's sort of viewing me as obsessed/crazy but of course, i am not processing according to her judgments(i am responsible for her reactions though and how she's treating me though |o|).
It is like the Music Chair/Russian Revolver, the whole mass willing to join the game of Purshiting to the Top of Hiearchy for Enslaving others/Nature/Animals. as long as my Life is ok i will want more from others. Self-Interested and none of Equality factor is considered. you study hard and you stuffed with Systematic Knowledge, you bcome a lawyer/doctor/politican then welcome to the club of Enslaving Others. not many people know these are Pre-Programmed. science and inventions which lead of Power and Control is being worshiped by people forming groups, then to organizations then to countries. very very Few consider Consequences of their Enjoyments, money become quivalent to Amount of Luxuaries that you can Enjoy, S*x and Power of Enslaving others that don't have money. i presume inside people's hearts, they ask, why (or maybe why shouldn't we) should i suffer to cut back my Elegant Style of Living so less child will be suffered in Africa? they/some of them tend to believe in Regligion, some believe in Channeling, these won't seriously affect what they Already Possessed/Having's Life Style. however, they treat you as insane for Pointing out there are Consequences for their Current Life Styles and it's is a form of Enslaving the others.
i forgive myself that i have accpeted and allowed myself to using knowing as an excuse and not paritcipate in Applying Self-Forgiveness and Writting myself to Freedom.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rather live in the mind/system serving to have a Purpose instead of Facing mySelf and Expressing and Live in Here.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to dislike myself, my own body.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to value other's value on me more than how i value my directions.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed in money which is enslavement of others, animals or nature.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing limiting myself with boundaries and what evaluated by the mind as impossible to achieve.
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