Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I am physical

Have been practicing practicing i am physical today, quite interesting so to speak. it was calm, and not emotional for the whole time, very here like a back to home finally 'beingness'. starts 'feeling' a beingness in the breathe.

Talked to someone in pathway about looking for a job for the internet and for the due course. the staff Dave, talked to him a bit..also involve a little bit about what course i am taking. i mentioned there is a website about everything, and he said the economy 'hopefully' will recover, i used the money based on national debt he agrees with this, but when talk to it's a projection of the future enslavement that is equals to 'debt'. he said two times he didn't see why that is enslavement. to what i see is, he is denying 'enslaving others' and use didn't see to justify his acts instead of acknowledge and realize and face the 'enslaving' others. i mean, for myself, i see there is enslavement without the national debt model, i see enslavement when i go to a restaurant, i see enslavement when those that work the most like farmers, labors but in the name of 'dumb down through education and in the name of knowledge and information, and hidden technology'..inequality exist in the distribution of 'money'. backed by individual self-interest and not consider the common good in existence.

As have talked to kelme, have seen my brother and mother been programming my brother's one and a half year old daughter. in the name of 'protecting' her, my mom gave her an empty pen and told her: here is your pen to draw. when she asked for soy sauce, my brother 'deceive' her by pretending dipping it in front of her and said: it's dipped. when she asked for something: my brother and his wife said: what do you say when you want something? thank you father. who are you asking? you need to ask who? father, father please give me my spoon.(obedience), manipulation and throwing anger to her. do this do this, else, you won't get what you 'ask for'. like i was, forced to 'survive' and bend not because of what i was told to do but i adopt the 'skill' that my parents mainly father doing and 'programmed' myself to use it for my 'own advantage' and when i've grown up to certain extent i kept silent in the 'outside' of me. and have not stand up myself, presuming there is no point of arguing, i need to survive. i mean either way i missed the point of self-stand up and self-direct and only concentrated on 'fight back' and angry.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that it's simplicity in common sense that is the way of handling things but i delve into the complexity of reasons and mind consciousness system, try to use reasons to defend my act on 'enslaving others' and as long as my world is fine, i got a steady income i kept self-dishonest and support the inequality money system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be deceiving others in names of 'for their own good' but just for self-interest as act of through others perform to them as self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to control and manipulate others, using 'i am teaching you' obey me fear me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bend and not self-direct the situation.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to live in simplicity as physical.

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