I was limited and I didn't know

Kelly told me that I was allowing limitation inside me and at first I don't understand what limitation means. I look at myself and think: No? I was always looking for freedom looking for enjoying myself then how am/can I limit myself? What limitations am I limiting myself?

Later after several chats I becoming to understand what limitation means and indeed I was "limited" in many ways - Like sex/masturbation and fear these two are my major limitations. Also like resistant to change to do self-forgiveness(this has already improved now, months ago I was just like the new comers that are not willing to write self-forgiveness although I know I should - This is also a form of "limitation"). Maybe I so get used to limitation that I don't aware that I am limiting myself. Like for example I used to masturbate within 4-5days without pictures but that's still an addiction of energetic masturbation and it's difficult to stop myself. What I am doing now is (lol at least it has been continue for 4? days and I don't feel the uneasiness). In every moment I remind myself I am not limited by anything - Including the energetic feeling of masturbation, no matter how good it "feel" if I am limiting myself only to experience that then I am limited and very soon I would be addicted and can't stop myself. So not limiting myself is quite effective on me (of course lol I would need to write self-forgiveness to forgive what I have accepted and allowed and don't do it again) to stop my addiction. Because what is addiction? Addiction(on masturbation) is I am addicted mostly to energy feelings and that feeling is "so good" that I can't stop keep pursuing keep wanting more - I thought I was having my "freedom" but actually I was "enslaved" through limiting myself only to experience such feelings. Most human on earth on sex and masturbation problems are like mine. The most "horrible enslavement" is when you don't even aware that you are inside a prison and you thought you were enjoying yourself lol and you cannot see the limitations. How can I be limiting myself or inside a energetic prison while I am feeling so good in every moment!?

Another thing is sleeping. I used to "fight" - through the mind of course - try not to sleep so many hours used to eight hours+. Same here I remind myself that I am not limiting myself by sleeping. When I look back at it now I was enjoying the "sleeping feeling" that I don't want to get up or try to through the mind to get up. It didn't work when I just wake up I would had a very hard time in getting up or tend to fall back to sleep while I was listening to the radio. These two or three days I just remind myself that I am not limiting myself only to sleeping. I am not fighting but I am not limiting myself to anything. I realize that no matter how good it 'feels' if I am allowing myself to be subjected to/controlled/limited then I am limited and I am not living isn't it? I am not free isn't it? I mean this is common sense. So the point it's not about suppressing not having sex or masturbate or not sleep (lol that's not possible at this moment) but - In my terms - Not being limited by any of them. Almost my biggest realization (through Kelly of course I didn't see it myself) ever - That I was being controlled/enslaved through limitation.

One thing I found "strange" is when I told myself I am not limited by anything - I found it harder to smile lol like I resistant to energy. I don't know if smiles need energy. Like I laugh a lot in the past but now I am just being calm and quiet. Like I lack the motivation to laugh there is not much worth laughing for. Can I still laugh still masturbate still being enthusiastic without limiting myself? I am a bit not sure but even worrying is limiting myself. Participating and subjecting in the mind or energy feelings these are all limitations. If I subject myself to boring and have to masturbate then I am also limiting myself to such "routines/feelings" only.

Without limiting myself I can experience all of them. I realize it's not about can't do it anymore but how to see such activities/feelings. I am looking forward to masturbate later and I can walk away from the feeling the urge to keep masturbating again non-stopped.

I need to find out what Back-Chat means. few nights ago my mom was throwing her tantrum on me throwing things on the table. I was reacting to her acts and I tends to find angriness inside me. I was cutting on the board and had a though of chopping her (only a split moment) when she was throwing her tantrum on the table. I watched quite some videos Sunette explaining what is angriness and I still haven't locate my source of angriness. I mean I shouldn't have reacted to her acts and voices it was me participating in my mind that reacts. I didn't direct the situation calmly because there was energetic angriness surging inside me. Haven't had breakfast yet but let me write some self-forgiveness on this point.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to direct my situation with my mom when she's exerting her tantrum on me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that it was my angriness inside me that cause me to react.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of chopping another being unnecessary just for exerting my angriness to make me feel better/more comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically react by having thoughts of chopping my mom to make her shut up and stop throwing tantrum apparently affecting and stimulating me not realizing I need to direct the situation and handle my angriness both at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not want to see/face my mom throwing tantrum on me by chop her and remove her out of my sight not realizing if I do not solve the problems in me circumstances would just repeat and repeat again.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize it is me angry at myself that cause the angriness suppressed inside me and I wasn't aware I wasn't standing up for moments in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limited myself only experience and participate in the energy surge when I mom throw her sharp voice and banging on the table.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am holding a butcher knife and I had the power to do whatever I can to stop my mom from irritating me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize I have to take self-responsibility to myself and others including my mom when I am using a butcher knife to not to harm anyone under any situations.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to walk away when my mom throw her tantrum on me and just testing how long I can withstand her tantrum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a statement I can't stand my mom's tantrum and sharp voice anymore but not realizing it is I can't withstand my angriness to myself that has been accumulated inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project that if I chop/remove my mom then my angriness would be gone not realizing if don't locate the source self-forgive myself and don't do it again same situations would keep occurring again and again.

Within seeing the pattern of want to chop or hurt anyone to release my angriness I breath and stop and remind myself deliberately hurting someone for angriness is not acceptable within oneness and equality.

Within seeing the pattern of I feel extremely raged I stop and breath and remind myself Au Oh, I am angry about myself and have accumulated large amount of angriness inside me that I need to direct myself.

Within seeing the pattern wanting to blame it is my mom/someone that is exerting their angriness on me and cause me to react, I stop and breath and realize they cannot affect me. It is me participating in the mind. They are just exerting their angriness about themselves.

As usual, after writing self-forgiveness I feel a bit clear in my solar plexus area. Like something are released are cleared.

Word: Freedom

I don't want to be confined/locked down into a place/room. I felt I am totally confined with nothing and no one to talk to. I enjoy company and like to talk with people. I want freedom in doing whatever I like and having all sorts of stimulations satisfying my eyes/visuals. I want to just close my door and having as much pornography to masturbate and thinking that is my ultimate enjoyment and freedom. I define freedom as don't need to worry about food and shelters and can by myself walking on the street and looking at the shops' displays. I don't like being scold, suppressed and controlled by my parents while they exert their angriness noto me. My freedom is I can 'choose'. As long as I can choose then I feel freedom in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself afraid of self and don't want to face self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself whenever I am forced/locked down to a place I want to run away with masturbation and energy to stimulate me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be intimate to self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself define freedom as doing whatever I like as free choice but not realizing everything is in polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for my free choice but ignoring what others on earth need to be suffered just because of my free choice.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize it is not free choice but doing what is best for all since everyone is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have more free choices by climbing the enslavement pyramid and enslaving others through a piece of paper called money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally lost and limited by material goods sexual figures' pictures and keep wanting more not realizing they are all feeling/energy based.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself defined freedom and limited by having infinite numbers of animation sexual pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself using freedom as an excuse that actually I fuicked the rest of the world I fuicked the rest of animals and earth in pursuing my little energy heaven and I don't care the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to afraid of doing what is best for all because I know it will mean I need to sacrifice/compensate my free choice.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize there is no free choice while all others are me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for freedom in goods stimulants inside the windows and desire for having them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize freedom is taking care of everything and everyone is ok no matter in what position you take within existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and exert my hate onto whoever I can throw on to make myself feeling exerted and feeling stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I do not handle my frustrations but blaming my children and thinking it is their faults.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel I am a free king when i am suppressing anyone I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to angriness inside me instead of not limiting myself only as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom as my-choices but not look at what is best for all and contribute to best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to act within what is best for all.

Ecstasy

Within seeing the pattern of wanting to have my free-choice I stop and breath reminding myself acting on best for all is also for best for me.

Within seeing the pattern of wanting for energetic personal freedom I stop and breathe reminding myself I am not limited by energetic feeling only.

Redefining Words

Masturbation

I see masturbation as an activity that I enjoyed and I only cared about myself. I want more more and more of this feeling. I just want more and more. I obsessed into the feeling of masturbation and I without masturbation I would feel boring. Like I need the feeling either with someone around a companion or I would go masturbate. Just want to get that 'feeling' as long as possible. I want to live in that split moment of ecstasy forever. I disregard everything in my Life and just concentrate on one masturbation point and participate in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and subject under controlled of sex system and do not stand up within myself and take my control back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I haven't treat the physical as one and equal to and as me but just enjoy the split moment of ecstasy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself just want to Live in ecstasy that ignoring my whole Life and not living within oneness equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addicted and submit myself totally to ecstasy and do not live myself once I masturbate I do not stand up and too weak to walk myself out of the feeling of masturbation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to addicted into once I participate in the mind for masturbation I felt too good and ignore everything and just want more energy/feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate as an entertainment whenever I was boring or alone instead of doing things constructive.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that masturbation is only one form of living and the world is way more than just limiting myself in masturbation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in limitation being limited/less than sex system and masturbation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only live in the moment of ecstasy and limit myself into that moment only.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to determine to stand up and not being limited by masturbation after I masturbate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to masturbation feeling and become it's slave and not living me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed and fear of losing the masturbation feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the physicals that produce energy for masturbation.

Within seeing the pattern of I want more and more masturbation feelings I stop and breath and remind myself that I am not limited by sex system and masturbation feelings.

Within seeing the pattern of I do not want to stop and keep asking more on the masturbation feelings I stop and breath and remind myself I am not limited by sex feelings when I only keep on asking more and more I am a statement of I am limited by sex system.

Within seeing the pattern of I feel too good on the masturbation's feelings I stop and breath and remind myself that whenever I feel too good and too weak to stand up I am subject to less than and limited by sex masturbation system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take weakness as tender.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say I am too weak in standing up not limited by my limitations like fears, pain sex and masturbation.

I am perfect I don't want to face myself accepting myself that I have even one flaw in me. It takes a lot of effort to accept that I have limited myself in a fake perfect self that it's only perfect in my own eyes and the truth is not so. I do not accept this using shifting changing topics and divert myself so I 'don't see the point'. The same thing keep happen on me again and again and I just keep asking why. It is embarrassing(which is not eager to change myself) and shame and I just avoid it not facing myself, when I see it today I am totally limited by my ego and I hide inside my own shell and not changing. Whenever someone point my shortfalls I don't want to listen and I shift topics. I got to the realization point that I cannot continue like that and I won't change and everything around me won't change and I am limited by all these shortfalls. I felt angry for being pointed out I am wrong I got defects inside me. Thinking maybe they are wrong they don't understand me but it is I am limiting myself into something that I obsessed into and not giving up and change myself not being limited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift attention to manipulate myself and hoping others would forgot in what they see my shortfalls inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge how dare other people judge me and point out I have defects in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed into a fake image of I am perfect and deceive myself in not facing my defects and change myself through seeing my defects for when I see it I would have to change myself slowly but surely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and others through changing topics but not explore and realize what I must change through self-forgiveness into someone that fit within oneness and equality and Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel competence in my fake perfect image pretending I am perfect in every way and it's people's misunderstanding not realizing that I am deceiving and hurting myself in my future and compounding my consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashame when other people point out my flaws and urge me to look at it and I just ignore them and switch attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to steer away from my shame emotion and do not face my self my shortfalls through switching myself's attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that it is others' misunderstanding me they don't understand me that make a false statement about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is not worth my time and effort to even consider the points what others have comment about me and I judge that they are wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only being limited by my ego and I just defend and live my ego and nothing else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think my ego is perfect and holy yet I am not experiencing anything else but not eager to change my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am perfect already and don't need any change of myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize I keep switching topics means I deceive myself and steer away from my points means everything will just keep reappearing again in my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and irritated when I am being pointed out for shortfalls and I don't like being pointed out I have shortfalls inside me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to truly face when people pointing out my shortfalls and accept it could be inside me and embrace the point and self-forgive on the points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself obsessed into my ego my fake perfect imagine image instead of giving up my ego and my points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited only by my ego points.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give up anything.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to let go and give up my points when they do not fit into oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by not giving up and I haven't changed anything inside me outside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to steer away my focus on guilt because it doesn't feel good on guilt about my shortfalls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself do not want to face being ashamed of my guilt emotions and shifting topics instead of expand change self-forgive myself once and for all and not limited by my predefinitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I can avoid emotions through steering away my focal point not realizing I cannot steer away from karma/consequences.

Within seeing the pattern want to shift attention I stop and breathe and remind myself I don't want to be limited by not changing myself.

Within seeing the pattern of getting irritated and angry I stop and breathe and remind myself I do not limited by angry and irritation and limited by not changing me.

Within seeing the pattern of want to steer away from guilt I stop and breathe and remind myself it is to stop the guilt through clearing the points and stop generating guilt in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself limited only by energy and not realize being limited is being enslaved no matter how good it feels or look like.

Limitation

Resentment

Fears

Anger Primary Pattern Point

On ID/Change the most important primary pattern point for my angryness: Dictionary.

E, 373-415, 373-394, 376 L - Easy

On Y/N is it because I don't take things Easy - Y

Most efficient way to handle my primary pattern point: writing, Mind construct

Angry about Valentin.

Ranting Raving:

I felt I was over paid and Valentin is slow in response. The overpaid is not a main issue I think I over paid like $30 at most but it's he is not responding me that cause me frustrated. I was late in sending my photo to him but when I send him something or amendments or ask him questions - he talks back to me at least 6-7 days and postponing my design right now I check the record it beings at January and it's closing to the end of February. I see it as both of our faults I am not blaming him totally. I sometimes even wonder is the designing work actually not as easy as what I think? However from what I see/compare to Joe's works at least Joe takes care of my eye bag's problem and I didn't see Valentin has done anything to fix on his version. What I felt annoyed at most is he has a tendency to ignore my emails or he is that busy that I would get a response in 6-10 days. I mean I ask him to work because he accept to charge me when I got my first deal and he is a Destonian. I also know Joe's very busy and he has ignored me for a week too but when I asked him is he going to finish my flyer he did response back and explain to me. When Valentin keep on only response me in 7-10 day the more I felt sky rocket high because at the same time I am paying licensing fees each day the realestate market is hot and I don't have the flyers and business card to do cold canvasing even when I am prepared and it looks like Valentin is going to delay more.

Mind construct:

I felt I was overpaid and Valentin is slow in response.

->He is not responding me.

->->I am frustrated.

->When I send him instructions it takes him at least 6-7days to responsond.

->->I am not blaming him totally but he is also responsible for the delay.

->Valentin's photo re-touch is not as attentive as Joe.

->I ask him to do the design only because he is a Destonian and he allows me to pay him when I got my first deal.

->I felt annoyed when he has a tendency to reply me in 6-10days.

->->I don't have the flyers and business card to do cold-canvasing.

->->->Looks like he is going to delay further.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Valentin ignoring me and slow in response not realizing it is what I did and accepted and allowed in that past that is causing such events to happen on me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that ignoring people can delay and causing extreme annoyance in people.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility and take care of what I am responsible and do my part work as a team.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am working as a team with other people in real life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider others and putting myself into their positions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only care about my Life and don't consider taking everything as a whole and do what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to direct the situation and handle properly instead of blaming Valentin as the cause of my anger and frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for pulling myself into the pit of becoming a realtor and go through endeavour after endeavour and I cannot rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Joe and Valentin for I am paying them and I expect them to work for me or support me legitimately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I only have one person and can't handle all of these stuffs that require to become a successful realtor.

The primary pattern point that I still need to be more specific: 2 points

Kelly has been assisting. Humanity are just cloning their personalities

8:57am I wanted to write a blog for days but I really don't have time to do write it. There are tons of things and everything has to be precise and detailed and follow up. Like just an open house already cost me many efforts in studying the background of the area sold records all sort of things like that - I originally wanted to scrap myself through last night to finish this blog but I feel too tired that I need some rest and sleep at 10pm that I haven't had any good rest in these two weeks.

I have arguments with Wu Wei and in what I see the problem is he won't change himself and keep insisting on his opinions is right and this has already proven on his replies to Chinese forum member's reply and of course to me he enjoys being straight and using authorities as a moderator(he won't admit it). It is not just me Yang Xi and maybe few members that I have talked to(but Yang is the most opposing his attitude and managements means) agrees too.

8:10pm so realtor is like this, especially when I need to setup everything arrange take care and prepare everything from scratch. Takes a lot of time to fathom and communicate.

Kelly has been giving me advice all along - I really enjoy her companion. She gives me a view from a third-person's view point. Not much of strategic point of view lol I would be more to the strategic points the planning stuffs. But sometimes I just miss some very simple points she's been quite simplistic that she see things sometimes I do admit she look things quite simple and direct. Like I was thinking why and how can I make my website searchable in google - within five minutes, she just search how to register in google then comes up with a link that can register my URL for google's bot to crawl that's quite direct and simple. I mean sometimes I am just too concentrated in planning and revising every paths that I am going to take, don't want to make mistakes and want to be successful want to be perfect yet, even if I had whole day to do/revise it - my body can't sustain the workload. I need to rest every few hours - there are so much things that you can do and I only have two hands. Look at this for a few hours look at that for a few hours then I have lost my whole day and Kelly sometimes do have good suggestions and can assist me. Like sometimes I would show destonians how my flyers look like to get a viewer's opinions.

I mean as Bernard said: We are swapping each other's shoes including the chicken that I eat, the vegetables that I eat, the restaurant waiters cooks that I enslaved through because I have 'money', the electricity through fossil coal, enslaving earth's blood as gasoline I mean the list goes on the keyboard that I am typing Until we stop this! and recreate 'something' a universe maybe that put Equality into the equation(like everyone take turns). I mean really, if you are willing to use your common sense look around us - there is No Equality No take turns in everything! in our world or in our Capitalistic Enslavement pyramid! Where is our equality in treating everything as ourselves. No! there is nothing! human just consume and consume and consume lost in energy pictorial sex and entertaining our mind gatchets until they die and they copy their personalities to their children and just repeat everything again and again.

If you use common sense you would see We definitely have to Stop it now! how? through Equal Money system that a little step for man ever the first time in history of man having big evolution on the obsoleting the enslavement pyramid and truly really take care of Each and Everyone on earth including humans animals nature and earth etc. Even if interdimension nature animal kingdoms don't stop us - mankind won't even self-sustain through capitalism for long maybe 10 to 20 years at most. It might sound bluffing but seriously! use your common sense look at how trillions of cars are produced each year, how trillions of garbages we throw at the dump field. Don't misunderstand - This is not the key point! not living green and the world would be fine. The key point is to terminate everyone's greediness through Equal Money system and everyone's basic needs are taken care of - Then we would have time to train teach and assist everyone in self-forgiveness which is as Bernard said - All you got to do is (just) self-forgiveness. Purify your core essence and through corrective application don't do it again and make a New-you that can be trusted as part of Life and program yourself your essence into something you would satisfied and proud of yourself that support Life and treat everyone everything in Equality. Definitely not something like what most humans are today.

Ok, 8:52 still haven't had dinner yet and there are so many tasks I want to do - always like: Can I do/handle things better? Am I in good hands?

I try to see whether I can make 2 vlogs after dinner. Talk again soon.

Overwhelming these few weeks! I want to take a vacation trip!

It's 9:05am got up at 7 and have been sticking to my PC for 2 hours still haven't had breakfast yet. I mean all these weeks are like that and I have to do either bloging vloging reading and the rest of time are totally devoted into the realestate business. Arranging this, emailing that, checking who replying what - thinking what else can I do to motivate people around me to get the job done - All these cost lots of effort. I asked Kelly how could she handle all these(she's working, taking political courses, doing chores, doing Desteni her process stuffs) she said she just sleep for 5-6hrs I mean I am getting better now like 7hrs but I am extremely exhausted. Last night I was sitting in my mom's bed she's next to me I was lying upright and I felt asleep even when I was in upright position - You can imagine how tired I was both physically and psychologically.

I MC tested out the best method to handle my sleepiness is: Physical corrections on subconsciousness resistance. I still don't know much about what it means - is it about corrective application? Kelly suggests me writing them all out all about how I view see and believed that I need more than 8hours of sleep. I did write something that about a year ago because nobody wants to spend their time "wasted" just for sleeping and self-forgiveness on the points.

I so much want to go on a vacation - not those luxurious type but just like drive couple of hours to somewhere else, appreciate the scene a bit. I don't know whether it would assist me or not but currently there are overwhelmingly so much for me to learn for me arrange for me to taken care of and also my own process - of course it's bringing Equal Money on earth as the first priority because without Equal Money tons of millions of people children can't have Heaven on Earth! and we definitely Can live like that we don't have to compete and killing each others and mass massacre of each others massacre extremely abusing all the animals hurting everything! beyond pain just because of Greediness! I mean look at how greediness has caused us that we just take take take consume consume and consume! There is no supporting each other, there is no considering you he she it everything we are oneness and I am you and you are me. There is not even a slightly single bit of thinking - for whatever I do and don't do there are serious Consequences that I need to face here on earth and afterdeath! No, they don't do that. What they think of consequences are how I can run away or exploit the law and as long as I don't won't go to Jail I will do as mean as greediness as evil as I can! Isn't that we totally live in a psycho institution! It is time we stop this madness! I don't want to live like this anymore I don't want to come back on earth and go on like this - that's why I am contributing I am participating I am donating I am doing everything I can(yes, but frankly I am exhausted just by preparing myself walking my realtor path) I mean I can even see it Common Sensely(I want to know how Bernard handle situations like this both his process and both earn as much money as possible to support Desteni) I am willing to sacrifice my own process my own time to earn money donate for Desteni because! this Beyond Pain Atrocities of something called Earth that we currently live in has to be stopped! Somewhere! Some group of people have to sacrifice to secure our future through politics! One man One Vote! and running politics need tons of money - someone got to earn the money. Just like Desteni farm - someone that is Bernard has to earn the money being a multi-millionaire to support and pay and run for the Farm to give the visitors place to sleep to give them food! Else who's going to pay for that? Definitely not my christian mom - to me she's doomed she even threaten to cut my internet line.

From inside of me I can't resist to raise the question or a desire: If we are already suffering so painfully(I know it become chaotic when heaven's masters "government" all of a sudden collapse and it just collapse way too quick - everything everyone runs into grabing power being selfish don't give a damn about any consequences I mean god - we are all from the same source we are all the same and we ended up like this!?) wouldn't it better for the nature disasters the collapse of the systems(because there is a majority of people that are not listening to Desteni's messages I see it as because they are so comfortable living in their comfortable zone and they don't care - I don't know if it helps them to "awake" by giving them suffering but definitely they won't change or give a damn if they continuously living in their cozy bed with food clean water cars video games chasing for relationships!) then let it collapse faster! let the virus and germs to do their jobs and clean people out, even if it includes myself! because it's for the new world for Heaven on Earth! it's for the current children and for their children and for the children to come(it's just easier for you to understand I mean if I wrote for the stones to come you might not know what I am talking about) The big deadline the massive cleanings are just for everyone including those that "do not listener" 's own good! It is for everyone's Best and Common good - You don't participate in you don't support Desteni you don't participate acknowledge - We are all part of Life We are all equal to each other We are supporting Each other everything! All Humanity Animals Nature Earth then you Don't Deserve Continue Living on Earth! You should be killed by the Germs and Virus. I mean look at most people the majority - Oh it's interesting(their mind say) Arsenic bacteria! Could we improve our human genes and snatch that into for our own use? Can we snatch that for profit? I mean we are not even at the Elites are at the background controlling every technologies to make for their own profit. Just look at how many new stuffs have been invented - Have we ever improved our living? Yes and No. Yes if you are at the tip of the enslavement pyramid enslaving everyone with the uncountable money that you can pull out from your pocket. No is the 95% of majority still live like Hell or day dreaming of how to snatch money out from other people's pocket "legally" or run away from the law responsibilities as quick as possible! Technology is not the key - Eliminate Greediness through Equal Money is the key.

9:55 see, even writing blog cost a lot of time. I mean man, (sigh) can I handle SRA when I got the money for re-join.

Ok, talk to you soon.

So what does the Realestate course show me?

So, 12:34pm totally rested just doing some review yesterday - revisiting what I have learned in the class that I totally change what I previously see what a relator is. Whenever your holding on a large chunk of money like we realtors or sellers lol sometimes buyers - then there are people including lawyers that aim at you as a target using all sort of excuses and exploiting all pitfalls in the law system to aim at one thing - greediness more and more money for self-greediness.

I have observed the whole class is almost exactly like what society or schools that we are facing each day - everyone's just striving to be the best jackals, snakes striving to be kings lol or queens. Using all sorts of strategies to achieve what they intended to achieve - at this moment not much are a team player and even for those that use as a team player approach - their starting point is still for self-interest self-greediness. I mean how many people have their starting point as want to earn money and donate to make sure these donations work for Best for all Best for Earth Best for humans animals nature earth everything! Probably at this moment just me. Of course, if I can setup a Desteni Club or committee or something that's what I have inside me at this moment. Of course of course, cannot just think cannot just say have to consolidate my foundation as a realtor first - help myself stand still first then I have the ability to assist others.

I was extremely anxious about how the hack I am going to survive in this realtor business because while you have almost the majority of the colleagues around you are self-centered self-interested self-greediness overwhelming you how can you make a stand? you know, it's a co-operating world a co-operating business. So I posted it on the forum and thank to the farm guys they do reply to me - Sunette and Andrea reply to me. Sunette said Bernard suggest that realtor is a cool occupation for me to work within myself - mustn't judge the business based on the people currently participating in but set my own standards. I mean that totally give me the insights that maybe I can use my sphere of influence to change, get close and co-operate with those that are willing to listen to Desteni's messages - before the virus and the germs come clean the humans up. Of course at least from now I seeing it, quite a few maybe don't give a fuick then so be them, they pay for their consequences - a quick dies of viruses and face the consequence after death. Maybe also the 2nd death I am not quite sure. When you don't support and participate in Oneness and Equality - your efficiently making a declaration a statement that: Prove to me by removing me make me death, that's Common Sense. I am only interested in people that totally understand support and participate in Desteni's messages in Oneness Equality in Equal Money in Cleaning ourselves and acknowledge that we are all the same from the same source as Life.

Talked to Andrea this morning that found out the reason why I am getting frequent change(Y) on Anxiety is because I doubt myself I doubt MC so I will be writing some self-forgiveness on that.

Doubt in myself and doubt in MC:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think doubting myself is self protecting because I would have less conflict with others.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand up in conflicts and make a statement for oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself lacking confidence in what I am seeing in what I should guide myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live in doubting myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust my common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking repeatedly doubting myself is security.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself haven't live and do my best in common sensely directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking the more I fear of making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to become the manifestation of doubting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself seeing confident in myself is a sin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a snake in the real world and always looking to strike others and live in the dim side of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a custom that I doubt myself to double check.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think most of my decisions are wrong and I don't deserve any confidence to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live self-doubt and do not trust myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility and face the consequences of when I am wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself want to keep on doubting myself to get a perfect performance.

On Y/N do I need to be more specific on the point self-doubt? N