When I was a little child I felt very excited in the Saturday morning I watched the power ranger like TV episodes. I felt excited like my blood is rushing up feeling hyper in watching the good looking main characters wearing attractive cool costumes and good looking girls, when at the climax of the characters change into 'little supermans' with super power and it is in the name of protecting earth defending peace to hit and fervently exert on hitting the ugly monster. I felt excited just by watching that. Subconsciously I wanted to be just like those characters I wanted to participate as them I worship them. I enjoy running and playing in the park but my father don't have time too tired and I cannot play have excitement and have fun. I though it was just excitement and Life should be looking for excitement because it felt good.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon self-love and haven't seen everything including my body is one and equal to as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanted to experience energy and thinking using a Japanese sword just like in the animations can give me the same high and excitement when I slit my belly open and it is just exciting as what I felt when I was watching the animations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanted to cut the tip of my tongue to get energy and excitements so that I am not bored and excited.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the tongue is sensitive and it would give me extreme ecstastic sex like experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself project my love outside of myself and do not want to face self or self-love and obsessed developed having violence as my excitement.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize violence even to my body is not excitement but a way to fuel my ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat my body just as flesh to generate energy for me for sex masturbation and pleasures and have totally disregard it as aware and love it as self as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look obsessed my passion in energy harvesting from sex masturbation and violence not realizing someone on earth had to pay for the high energy and I didn't see someone in the opposite side has to pay for my energy highness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think bullying ugly or evils or someone gives me a negative uncomfortable feelings are a sport that I feel excited and high that I can anytime in my thoughts participating in kicking them.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize everyone here are me and just expression within oneness and equality and have fun together.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have special powers and can become a superhero having/catching all attractions and wanted to be worshiped.
Within seeing I wanted to be an heroic icon I stop and breathe and remind myself everyone is me and I am just expressing here.
Within seeing I want to exert on bullying others to exert my frustration/angriness inside me, I stop and breathe and remind myself I am bullying kicking my future me that I am just creating exactly how I would be treated.
I just receive an email from Andrea that I got sponsorship from Desteni Farm to study DIP for 1 year. It is both very exciting and a bit concerned when I saw that surprising email. I was in SRA before of course I didn't do well back then and I didn't see how I could make my living or earn money through SRA. We were told this would happen but Bernard haven't given us the details. It is always like that -- you know the details when you need to know. I was resisting and thought it was not useful and I was facing my mom even would cut my internet that I decided I need to find ways to earn money. I went for the real estate and now I change it to sell Enhancing children's Reading ability software.
So I expect it would be tough for the following year, when I am close to totally devoting my time to train myself prepare for door knocking and sales presentations. At the same time, need to handle bloging or even vloging(I found most people might not have time to watch vlogs -- it is slow and takes more time than just reading blogs)
Now, I need to add DIP-1 course into the my juggling. Due to how it did in my last SRA experience, I am a bit concern how I can handle everything well. Right now I haven't even start door knocking yet and I would need rest periods after door knockings each day. Things are piling up. We will see how it goes this time. I still prefer have the points written down when I do vlogs I speak smoother. Also how do I draw people that are really interested in Desteni in supporting bringing forth heaven on earth, really understanding why they should support Desteni and DIP -- these are the people that I need to get their attention.
One good news is when everything goes as planned my mom should pay for my laptop for Sales presentation. This has been troubling me that I currently don't have any money or can't find any jobs to pay for the laptop, which I must have one to do the presentation. First I accidentally told my mom that the real estate license fee has increased 50%, it actually is they are charging some technical support fees per year not per month, I only found out later. So my mom thinks it has increased the fee from 90 to 140 per months that's quite a lot, then to save her money she's forced to agree with me to cut the real estate license fees(since it would save her 150 per month) and "forced" to bet on my software selling and hope I might be able to make a living in this path. She is still not optimistic at my software selling business at all but this is a "less expensive" path for her to take.
The warm voice helps too.
Ok, so some updates on my progress. I found I wrote too much realizations on how this world currently is and how to fix it, actually to my realization so far, it's actually quite simple: Everyone give up their superiority or want to be kings or queens or want to have super richness's priviledge and start consider everyone equally -- No matter you look sexually attracted or so called "ugly"(causing negative emotions inside you) male or female, "doctor, lawyer or businessmen" or "garbage dump/sewage workers, janitors, factory slaves" everyone is the same under the Equal Money System. Start Consider/Take Care/Work/Play/Enjoy everyone on earth together and most importantly Equally!
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