Saturday, June 13, 2009

it is through Giving that i Receive

I was playing the video game, i like to apply in through playing video games that observe/evaluate what to apply next. because in playing video games, the heart beats all sorts of emotions that raise up inside me and is a 'test' of whether i am clear of emotions and feelings. Bernard's words of 'it is all equilibrium, Life is fair you cannot receive anything that you don't give'. it has not passed my logic 'yet' of how it is that way - i mean cannot reason it out at this moment but i am 'giving' myself out in every moment - my core essence buy this. i have tried to possess Here and Life and everything - tried to Being them/through as a stage of Beingness of these that i am working on achieving but holding on to myself's integrity and not releasing myself. through pondering Bernard's words, i sort of Realize if i don't give myself to Life and Here then i won't be that - they won't allow me for some sorts. it is sort of like - i was assisting people to realize/understand the materials and reflected as i realize more - 'quite some realizations in compare to how i was doing in the past few months[when i was just reading the materials - trying to absorb so to speak]' this would be totally new model of application - giving yourself for things that would like to achieve - even include oneness in equality. Evaluate thoroughly/completely and Give to things that support oneness and equality as all life. this is a almost total in reverse of handling things - like in the past when i write i keep holding of myself in the chest and ponder/wait for what points come up - here now is giving myself to the words, i mean else, that wouldn't be possible to become living words would it? without giving up what you like to have - not from a personal dominating purpose though |o|. it is like a kiss scenario - you give up to that and that as you reflected to you as he/she/it gives it up to 'you'. |o| the mirror world is totally reflected in the opposite way - no wonder[as when i was a child delve into my mind and thoughts try to break/realize why the mirror is reverse in left and right and why the magnets have endless source of 'energy/force' that repel endlessly - this, science, universe's nova/breathe taking images do not matter as i was so obsessed as before, i still find them interesting to 'watch' but they are not myths or fantasize me as before.]

So give up is not 'really' a give up within equilibrium. as i realize here now that Bernard's mentioned before - give is a gift to yourself - yet we/as i as myself was so obsessed in what i 'see' in such a short continuum i mean, we can't even remember what we 'see' or happen yesterday/the day before[here i mean without the assistance from the crystal memorized inside out body through the mind, as far as i know]. for example, here now i don't have any further to write, i give myself 'up' to Here and wait and see. look back at Osho's article of 'I the living the word' he is constantly giving himself up while writing - could be to the words but definitely not holding him back while writing this at the current realization of me is clear on this. yet, i totally didn't see that, although it seems 'simple' and not too difficult to realize but i was in the consciousness of 'i' and thoughts - i means mind and consciousness don't consider give up inside only more and more and personal-centered. and like self-forgiveness if i didn't give up myself through self-forgiveness, SF won't be given to me. similar to self-honesty and life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself not seeing through common sense and self but through consciousness of 'eye as i' and reasons worship possession instead of giving up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate and make fun of other people's genetic and personalities descended and geological diversity and evaluating them through my mind worship/fond of those that stimulate me correctly and dislike/discriminate those that stimulate me the wrong way that i don't like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to push people out of my circle of life that are not my taste/like to reflect and want to get close to people that i like not realizing oneness and equality doesn't based on energetic stimulation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to worship research and science of eye observations and mind thinking instead of self - trusting myself.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to give myself up to something myself value - as oneness and equality.

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