Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Live love Self love Honesty love Darkness love Here

Being Unstable through as the mind has changed again. this time is Live love self love honesty love darkness love here. i have been assisted by Sunette this morning through chat and was helpful in clearing my veins before me so i can see the separation that i have been using myself as an expression instead of directly i. yes, there is no right or wrong else that would be polarity defined and perceived by us as an excuse of wanting to polarized 'right' and judging others for polarized wrong to manifest our right/feeling of right but no one would really like to walk a longer/even much longer path on our/as me as self's process[|o| want...illusion of choice again, i forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself of operate in wants and desires instead of live in Here]. there is still a common sensed based evaluating in everything in existence/currently at least around me in doing for the common good that revised our paths/is it actually A path. will stick will Live love Self love Honesty love Darkness love Here for a while and see/observe the difference and then further express me.

Love as one of the farm interviews said it is an illusion that has not manifested and he[i currently forgot which interview or who said that] suggested the word love, at least not after transcended should not be spoken out. however, i found that the notion/word push is encounter resistance inside me when i try to push myself or in words so i changed to love which is a self willingly/obsessed/fully totally aiming at as self movement because as far as i realize, whenever there is resistance involved what stands for resisting will perpetuate and will persist a quite handy indicator for me in the process as a guide. so, currently i am/have to 'venture' into the so called forbidden word love to assist. i presume at least when it is 'truly' employing on self not to a separated subject outside self is the way to use it.

Using the thoughts so to speak in reminding myself as self of love Self love honesty love Darkness love Here but not having much progress. i get used to it for a while and not 'feeling' the effectiveness - no matter how i keep saying it in me through the thoughts, not particularly aiming at the thoughts but through the thoughts as a vessel. i just find out it is the Live - living the thoughts out that has been missing and all the words/spells collapse and need to get used to it again. i keep saying live love life instead of live love self. currently i don't have a clue of what is more suitable because without right/wrong sometimes i try both and see. the nice thing about live is it reminds you as i of living instead of staying in through the mind. also work on vessel/experience through the breathe which really is the manifestation as far as i know truly should be at least better than in the mind as a common sense way.

Today went to garden that sell flowers with mom, she's fond of flowers. two things that i have observed today, when being exposed to the sun i keep loving self love honesty love here and the rays are not hurting, it still shines and i still web but i was like a child when i was small it won't 'hurt' and cause pain or uneasyness, it was just warm and a bit of sweat, while mom having all sort of sun glasses and hat like a picture of proclaiming she's fear of the sun. second is, when i look at the flowers, i am more clear in sensing why the happiness as energetic stimulations that surges inside us that cause us to treat them as beautiful. i have a moment considering telling to mom about this finding, first i feel no she might as well ignore me based on the translated articles that i gave her for reading and second, i haven't totally clear on the findings yet and i considered and not intervene her moments.

i forgive myself for accepted and allowed myself to fear of the sun and not treating/realize light is me as self and i love self my outerworld loves me as self.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharks, tigers, crocodiles, larva and fire based on the experience that are told by parents and education system based of injecting Fear into me to manifest fear and hence obey the society hiearchy.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for judging mom's reaction based on her experience and it has nothing to do with what i evaluating common sensely in acting but the act of judging based on past history of here and that would be mind evaluation.

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