Have talked to Bernard about Memorizing stuff

8:26 p.m I was reading MayaR's chat with Bernard and I also re-read Bernard said people that do not blog efficiently are never a good supporter anyway and would change/detour to other little things. So I am 'forcing' myself although English is not my mother language, I am not as fluent as those Desteni bilingual chapss(like Marlen, Vicktor) I am going to write a bit. Writing bit by bit also a prove that I really care about this world this earth that I am here to contribute myself to make a difference. Yes, according to current plan it would take 20 years 6 years beginning to start in politics. But I am serious in getting things done it's just at this moment I am overwhelmed with lots of training and stuffs and I don't quite have time to fix the OS yet, due to viruses. For I-process I need to learn like Adobe after effects I mean, my most prioritized goal here is to get a grip on the software sales training and I am doing my best at it, then 'hopefully' I can get one or two sales on it.

I talked to Bernard about how he can assist us on memorizing things and he said the memory is how we think it is. It is true that I thought I was old, I never did well in school, it is like my life was programmed to never succeed and I fear and lack the confidence in I can be successful. Also the children learning software assist to me quite a lot. Even today I still remember the script word by word and I have only been working on it for 10 days It's amazing but of course I told my brother about it and his wife just said: well if you are not a big company and if it really works then the government would be using it already. Always skeptic and just trust brand name's credibility.

I was worrying a lot. Yes, worrying because I failed so many times in the past that many things don't work out on me, almost like whatever I planned very seldomly things will turn out good on me and I started to worry things at the beginning I would be very enthusiastic and then when it didn't turn out the way I want I would want to give up or start to worry is it the right track am I getting it right? It is so difficult that how I am going to do it? lots of worries and I though because with all sort of negative emotions I want to return to normal feel comfortable so what did I do? I complain and winning and speak it all out thought it is a release. Yes it was a release for a split moment then I didn't know I am just creating myself through my words. This worry this thing I can almost feel it inside me. It has becomes a habit an instinct that I see things as persimmistic. No I can't succeed it's not going to make it and I rather save my breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and think it is not going to succeed and I would rather save my breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give to actually do it and learn from my experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reply on my mind and think my mind is god and believing in it's prediction not realizing it is common sense and actually do it and learn how to adjust that is going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable as long as I worry then I am protecting myself and I have a bigger chance of succeed through worrying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think without worrying then I would just go crazy and do wild things that could cause me into lots of troubles even killing myself not realize that I should use common sense to guide me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use worry as an substitution for love and when I am worry then I feel safe and comfort just like being loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel not doing means I won't make mistakes and don't act is the safest act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I don't want to face failure and learn from my failure and adjust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think once I fail I will always keep failing and I will not change myself to adapt to my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself do not want to find out whether my plans work or not so I don't have a chance of needing to face failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not eager to change myself in facing my environment and failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am perfect and defending my ego and not willing to change myself.



Within seeing me starts worrying and winning I stop and breath and remind myself winning worrying will only make things worse and make my beingness worse through my words.

Within seeing me don't want to act want to save my breathe and not acting trusting my mind's calculation I stop and breathe and remind myself it is through actually doing that I can learn from real life-experience cases and learn through failure and I adjust my course.

Within seeing me don't want to change me or embarrassed for failure I stop and breathe and remind myself there is nothing that does not change Life is always changing the only thing that do not change is oneness and equality.

10:04 pm