12:38 am. Reading takes less time than watching the whole youtube clip(I usually make it 30 mins) so I will stop making vlog for awhile and see how effective blogging can be in drawing people's attention. We are serious in bringing forth Equal Money Oneness and Equality to this world -- Our best if not only solution to this Massacre abusing and enslaving each other's World.
So I got a day off -- went to sleep early yesterday night. I slept like 9 hours not totally sleeping but also contemplating reviewing how I should do with my real estate license. Sometime I found that I want to do more reading software exercises to increase my pace on getting the scripts done and quicker in doing sales in the software but I was tried and I need to rest.
So I have stopped masturbation for 2-3 weeks by now at least. The feeling is like I am getting my memory back things begin to have imprints/impressions after I read them. It is after I walked pass the addiction of masturbation that I can appreciate the here-ness the present, the memory the stable and I thought the energy or sexual desires was totally everything I lived for -- they have subsided by now. My biggest problem on masturbation is not I cannot stop it, I stopped it for 7 months but the 'itch cycle' comes and when I go: Ok, I should be ok to do it once and when I did it I "couldn't stop" and keep asking for more that's my biggest problem that I need to face and resolve this.
Like right now I am pretty calm enjoying that I am totally stable and do not specifically have the desire to masturbate. Just present -- here with my body. Besides masturbation is a form of energy pass through my body that I apparently enjoyed but harming those that receive it including my body. Right now, according to my last couple of masturbations, whenever I masturbate my finders would react with/have I believe those are virus. Which also as I said, it's absolutely true that when I masturbated a lot in the past, my memories were extremely bad. I can confirm it with you here. Masturbation do not rejuvenate me/you, it only rejuvenates the mind. I would suggest not hide behind sleeping but rest awhile if you really need to re-charge instead of masturbating.
I am thinking how I am going to handle all these works here? I promised to do a lot of things including Desteni and re-study the SRA materials. I went into the mind projecting it would be difficult including writing the blog right now. I wanted a quick way out, wanted to sleep and recharge, I wanted to rest. I need a break. I feel painful for handle so many tasks, how am I going to handle 2 days of open houses(to learn how to work with resisting clients). I want to rest and don't have to face all these challenges most importantly is the pressure from my mom, nagging I am spending a lot of her money and not earning anything, I need to train myself and worry I won't get satisfying results in two months, I have already train myself on the scripts just reciting them took me around 25 days already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that I might not have satisfying improvements on my sales training to sell the software.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project how fast I would pick up learning to sell software based on how I did in the past 25 days instead of learning and adjusting myself all the time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I don't want to write my blog or do research for Desteni as I need to find ways to earn money as soon as possible.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize it is doing for what is best for all that I will find myself effective and feel honest and won't regret in my future on how I spent my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think oh I failed in the SRA before, I didn't understand the material and it would be still the same not realizing I have changed, I got my memory partialy back and I already showing improvements in reading and understanding the materials.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to dedicate my life and time on just doing it and not project any fears or predicting the outcomes based on my past.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the past is just a reference from the past and life is ever changing and the mind seldomly right in predicting the future.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to learn from how I translate and learn how to type the chines characters that no matter how detailed I planned it is I actually do it that matters and I adjust it accordingly to achieve the best results and progress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my fears of projecting it will be difficult but instead of doing it bit by bit and revise it according.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself enjoying I complaining and whining about how I experience the discomfortabilites and not willing to go out of my comfort zone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself just want to hide in my old comfort zone style of living and do not want to experience pain and instead of doing it bit by bit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mom's angriness and nagging on me for spending a lot of her money instead of directing the situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain it's so painful in doing all sort of estimation and I don't want to get it wrong in deciding what I should do with my real estate license.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain and whining about I cannot stand it I want my old comfort zone back not realizing it is only making my situation worse for the words create who I am instead of directing myself bit by bit.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize door knocking might be just a temporary run to start my selling and I project myself into it is so difficult and hard work and do not want to learn from it practice it do it effectively.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize pressure is my self-created because I don't want to make mistakes and fall but when fear of falling I have fallen already.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize I can only do my best to direct myself and it is not about not to fall but if/when I fall I forgive myself and climb and stand up again and correct myself.
As usual, a big release and now the time for self-corrective statements to change my essence.
Within seeing I want to whine again I stop and breathe reminding myself it won't solve my pain it only make my situation worse and I make myself angry I direct myself and learn and adjust in every moment.
Within seeing me want to stay in my comfort zone and trusting the mind's projection of how difficult it is, I stop and breathe and remind myself it is actually doing it that matters and truly works.
I direct myself I do things bit by bit and adjust and learn accordingly.