How I am doing this week

8:35pm, pushing myself to do some writings. I have been keep working and keep working on the Technotutor presentation and everyday is full of stuffs that I need to work things out. I am not sure if I am diligent but I feel like man! the problems that I am facing is like an ice berg, how am I going to do it? How do I approach it? I tried door knocking and my knees was hurt and I couldn't handle it at all. I was just doing it for one and half hour and my body already feel bad. I need to direct myself so how can I direct myself efficiently.

Best for all -- a point that I have missed and reluctant to do it somehow because it imply that there would be no more self-interest or self-enjoyment(lol I/we need to see about this point), no more self-interested sex or masturbation or energetic feelings but once I heard Bernard said: after you die it would be ultimate test of whether you can give up desires(self-interest) and doing everything based on best for all else you are not re-birthed yet. Then all of a sudden I understand one thing, all these self-forgiveness what I am doing here my process is just one thing -- to reprogram myself into one thing that is doing everything for best for all, since everyone everything are me. That is what I need to do. Changing as much as I can in my essence to program myself into acting what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of accepting act in best for all then I cannot have feelings or masturbation again because they might not fit into best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed into the old plastic model kits geometric feelings and thinking that is fun and I can't have it within what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that act in best for all is no fun.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that best for all is the best approach because everything in existence is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about what I can feel and get but disregard everything else in existence and not acting in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to do nothing and just cuddle in doing nothing or do as least as possible instead of self-forgive my points that do not fit into what is best for all and change myself.

Within seeing I want to cuddle and stay the same I stop and breath and remind myself everything in existence is me and act in best for all is the best strategy for everything in existence.