Sunday, April 17, 2011

My Story of writing Self-forgiveness on Piercing my eyes

9:03 So I am waiting for my PC to burn the XP image, need to prepare for reinstalling XP got virus in my OS.

I just wrote the self-forgiveness out yesterday and posted in on Desteni website. I used to think these thoughts of piercing my eyes or cutting my own tongue these thoughts will go away or fade away as time goes by but as Bernard has said: Human will be more possessed by the demons and difficult to control their own acts or whatever they have in thoughts they would act it out. So these thoughts keep floating out especially in the morning when I just wake up, partial conscious.

Sometimes you know my bladder has been holding my pee for whole night but I want to rest and don't want to get up right away, I was just lying in my bed listening the radio blurring -- I would have thoughts of cutting my penis, this has also happened when I was peeing. So these thoughts have come to an extent that I can not just rely on speaking the self-forgiveness and got to do something about it.

So I do a Ranting and Raving, still don't have time to go through Mind construct again(these are all in the Desteni I Porcess) currently totally concentrating on training myself become a education software salesperson. I myself use the software to assist me a lot in remembering the scripts -- It extremely shorten the memorizing process, time taken and the best of all -- It won't fade away, you know that inside it is in you. I know it might sound funny/stupid some might say: What are you taking about? Once you remember it is in you. No it's not try to remember it 3 hours later, you have to keep memorizing the information and you never remember them except for those that die hard memorizing and discipline themselves to 'death' bookworms could. A three pages script that I use 10 days through the education software to put the information 'into Knowing into me' and I can recite them to 90-95% accuracy each day in the morning -- Long lasting it has been 2 consecutive mornings by now, I usually recite them after meals where I need to rest and can't don much anyways.

Anyways, so I write out some Self-forgiveness out according to the R&R which is a release. Before I thought just speaking them out should be 'ok' and I never actually really look at them and write them out on the PC.

This morning the thoughts are much dissipated, but you have to be self-honest really honestly forgiving yourself for the points that I dis-regard existence as me and from there clean my points and find out the desires why I want to do that in my thoughts. Bernard call these back chats -- That really already alleviating these thoughts. These thoughts are so vivid and I am quite sure if I don't deal with them properly it would get worse to an degree that I would Act them out. Which I was lost(still working on my way out) to masturbation and energy and 'action' movies so much into my mind that I cannot even control myself. When I was in high school I just kept reading Japanese comic books and pursuing the stimulants the bloody scenes and I just read more and more. You know when you were a child I don't remember did I know how to masturbate back then, I shouldn't have started yet. Back then I don't know and I just it feels like I am 'alive' apparently I got to a higher stage actually it's all energy.

So it feels good extremely comfortable for being me again, I still need to walk my process of changing myself bit by bit in application until these characteristics are not inside my essence anymore. So I am/need to be aware in every moments to remind me: Don't have these thoughts again, if I have thoughts they don't just 'entertain' me if I don't fulfill these thoughts (Bernard explained before) I would have to come back in another Life and 'fulfill' these thoughts because we are all one and equal, including the thoughts. You think about it means you did it already, except if self-forgive properly, the thoughts keeps floating out is an alarm: Hey they are walking their way to manifest in your real life -- In space and time continuum , if you change your mind and don't want them better do something about them before it's too late and they manifested.

9:54 am.

I am being myself no cutting my tongue thoughts or want to cut my penis or piece my eyes thoughts. I still have an 'impression/imprint' of checking do I think about those thoughts again, and the (four count) breathe assist me of staying here and not into my mind wandering around.

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