Not Controlled by Sex/Masturbation System

I asked Andrea for details of Breath Orgasm and why I don't have any orgasmic feelings - which is release of energy and I don't feel electric charges in my body. she asked Bernard and yesterday she reply to me that it's cool and ok with no such feelings - that's how I interpret it.

However Bern has point out one thing that I need to stop and prove to myself that I am not controlled by the sex system, and without pictures then! I can use the breath orgasm and masturbation together. I mean this is really a shocking realization to me - I don't have to suppress and stop masturbation but really the point is - not being controlled by sex energy feelings as sex systems.

Wow! what a realization. what an advice. really I mean I just keep missing points like that - and Bernard's advices are golden motto that really rings the bell and correct me in my directions in process. I was "controlled" by masturbation by sex system that I had to give myself up and masturbate for a couple of days and I was controlled and I didn't realize I was controlled. I just realize whenever I am aroused that I need an "outlet" to exert the frustration out else I would feel extremely uncomfortable - either need to make myself busy to divert my attentions on the discomfort or I need to "forget" that I have the urge to masturbate inside. It's like whenever I am aroused then the only way to make me feel comfortable or being as the normal me is to masturbate - else it wouldn't be complete, unfulfilled.

Of course, right now I know and am practicing Breath Orgasm that it assist me a lot in distributing the energies through out to my cells that used to be forming a knot holding in certain places of my body (mostly pelvic area) that I can you can 'simulate' an ecstasy of course it's not an shoot out is half second ecstasy and then there is not more. For my stage right now, the ecstasy is still in small scale(if I can call it that way) but sort of like in every cells, sort of like the feeling of eating ice cream and it stays there. All I need to do is concentrate on distributing the energy equally to each cells. I am still mostly distributing in area above upper abdominal area. I haven't really try distributing the energy to my feet area.

One thing Bernard mentioned is no desire - there must be no desire for any outcome any ecstasy or having a big orgasm - no expectations, just expressing and distributing. This technique already saves me a few masturbations that in the past - without distributing the energy evenly, the desire to masturbate would be big and most of the time I would bend and give up to masturbate it out then regretting for feeling just a half second shoot out then my body would suck dry and my face looked being sucked dry, flesh being sucked dried. That I really know I understand Life is not just masturbation, Life is more than that and I had no way to handle the energy knots the urge wanted to masturbate Properly - now Breath Orgasm is really really a great way to go and I will keep practice it, maybe until I get a Breath Orgasm lol.

Ok, will update more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself totally participate and yarn for more in the sex system.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that I was totally controlled by the sex system.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be self as Life but passed all of myself my controls to sex systems and experienced through and addicted the sex system.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that to a certain extent I can still enjoy sex/masturbation but keeping myself always aware here.

I forgive myself that I haven't accept and allow myself to see I am under the sex system's control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to precious the sex system so much that I fear if I lost sex or masturbation then there is no fun in my Life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accept and allow myself to realize I am actually enjoying the energy flow flowing through out my body when I see a female or a naked female.

I forgive myself that I haven't accept and allow myself to stand up and be the driver steering myself in every moment even when masturbating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself always desire for masturbation and sex and yarn for more sex feelings and energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for sex feelings and masturbation I can even give up everything for the split of second moments of sex feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses to me that once I am aroused for the desire of masturbation that there is no other way but in order to totally fulfill the desires I must masturbate to release it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think without female pictures or animation characters to aim at that masturbation won't be fun.

MC - two more points that I need to be more specific on I am controlled by Sex System.

S, 1019-1197, 1108-1197, 1154-1197, 1159 L - stoep.

Hmmm, don't understand. Confirmed by both arms - waiting for Andrea's assistance/reply.

MC - word that would most assist me in understanding how to apply the stoep in I am controlled by Sex System:

P - 818-929, 875-929, 881-890, 886 R - Power 動力.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sex energy as my power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live Sex system instead of living and experiencing my Life as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely to Sex system to live for me and I just under control of sex system.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to self-powered and self-fun.

I retest it as - 1159 L stoke 加煤炭.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I must have masturbation must have sex system energetically recharged once a few day to feel alive.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am addicted to using sex system to recharge me and recharge my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself subject to the control of sex system.

I forgive myself that I haven't accept and allow myself to enjoy sex system as self as equal to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses for me once I am thirsty of masturbation then the only way is to through masturbation and experience a second of sex energy flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beautify how wonderful it is for sex system's energetic urge and flows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself once I go back to masturbation then I am totally controlled by sex system and do not stand up myself steering myself to Live but mesmerized to the sex feelings.

MC - Do I need to be more specific on the point? N