Stinginess - it's still inside me! not self-forgiven yet

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize self-forgiveness is totally give up what do not fit within oneness equality and totally change myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to totally unconditionally give up my desire for pictorial ecstasy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself do not want to give up what I possess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself do not want to give up my money.

What is my primary pattern point on Equality?

G 479-523, 481-490, 487 R - Generous

On Y/N is it I am not generous enough? Y

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stinginess and want to keep every penny to me and thinking stinginess is protecting me and my future.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to think generous is only for those that had done evil and want to feel better inside them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking nobody care about me then why should I care for others not realizing that everyone is just me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only see what my eyes see and ignore receiving through I give first to those that needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hurt/pain when I need to give my money to others like Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to proclaim donating to Desteni but worry that I will feel upset for donating my money out.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to use common sense and trust my common sense in donating to Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuicking care about anyone and only care do I have enough money for survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable when I need to donate to people that in need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself using excuses that charity organizations are selfish self-interest and don't donate instead of find the best way to assist others while I can donate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to take max reward and pay the least whenever I offer assistance to anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself doing if you don't offer me any benefit in exchange than I won't give a damn care about you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself do not want to suffering do not want to lose money do not want service to anyone but must with a price.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to access everything as a whole and being generous and do what is best for all because everyone is me as part of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself afraid of once I got pay less or giving service to anyone for free then I will be treated/rewarded unfairly not realizing everything everyone in doing or not do there are consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/think there is no consequence no justice on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses as tons of faker approach me and I need to maximize my profits to compensate for the possible lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself classifying all children starving are being using by faker syndicates to beg for money for profit that I do not find ways participating in fix the earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking why should I care anyone when I must utmost protect myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking stinginess is best protecting me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize I should put my generosity as a gift to most efficiently assisting those that needed the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself using this world is full of fakers and suppress my generosity.

MC - Do I need to be more specific on the point Generous? N

Within seeing the pattern of don't want to be generous I stop and breathe reminding myself I need to use most efficient way and common sense way to give to be generous.

Within seeing the pattern of reluctant to be generous I stop and breathe reminding myself as long as my common sense see it is correct and should be generous then I must be generous in that path.

Now I knew this stinginess was in me because my father is almost exactly the manifestation of stinginess. Maybe I did/accept and allow exactly just like him so I got to experience this way. I grow up in a middle wealth family and because my father is greedy and extreme stinginess, me and my brother don't have any pocket money not until when we are like over 20years old. I went to my first cinema movie when I was? 16? and it is my mom secretly gave me $2 so I can go with my classmates. While I was writing the Self-forgiveness out(this time I keep reminding myself I need to clear these totally give it up - not with a trace) and it feels a release in my solar plexus area - it's very common when writing self-forgiveness. Sunette's article assist me quite a lot in her article she point out self-forgiveness is to totally get rid of the pattern totally give it up. I just realized I wasn't totally aiming at giving every bit up, for instance to masturbation to sex I still want to obsess to it, but as Bernard said: not to be controlled by the sex system.

So after writing these quite detail self-forgiveness(to me I used half hour the best I can to write them out) I feel extremely release relax like the stinginess has been released and from now on I can actually be generous do generous acts - that else I would just experience the same stinginess pattern and later regret and kept asking why I would have such uncomfortable unhappy feelings.

Just like what I did to Valentine this morning, I know he's Destionian, he's offering me to pay him after I got my first deal - yet, automatically I felt I am paying a too much money for asking him to do the design job. There was a though of should I bargain him for $150 like that flash inside me. But to be clear it's just a pattern - no matter how much I save no matter how much money I can make - I am donating them to Desteni for Equal Money for bring forth Heaven on Earth. As Bernard's reply: money is the most efficient contribution. I have not change my starting point - it's just how to handle my patternlized personalities and at this moment MC gives me primary pattern point Generous again.

Ok, talk to you later.