Ver 1. Why I un-consciously resisting to change but hide within Self-forgiveness

The most important primary pattern point of why I don't want to change through practical real-life living but instead hide behind just using Self-forgiveness.

Feeling 91 - eroticize

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself want to be more and more eroticize in pictorial masturbate experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only define myself as more and more eroticize as living instead of realizing living is not only based on energy.

I forgive myself that I haven't accept and allow myself to consider every cells inside me is an individual beings as me as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself up only inside pictorial eorticity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not willing to change and hang onto to being more and more pictorial erotic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only acquire orgasm through erotic pictures instead of asking/working with breath orgasm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself afraid of giving up pictorial erotic feeling that I would have lost all my pleasures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define please must be through a female pictorial body instead of realizing it is through the mind and that is just pictorial of cells.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself limiting myself only on female pictures to obtain energetic orgasm and haven't consider breath orgasm is possible and it's all about energy.

MC - 1 more point need to be more specific on eroticize

So I just finish dinner just checked the Desteni website watched a few videos and using this moment to summarize what I have done today.

Have prepared and talk about a topic that I totally didn't anticipate talk to - Capitalism. At first this morning when I was listening to the radio alarm I heard the Canada liberal and NDP parties once again, electing for party leaders and the candidates all bluffing professing how much benefit I can/will consider if he/she got elected. I am totally sick of this I mean especially in Canada, I lived in Vancouver area for almost 10years now nothing nothing ever change it's all sorts of corruptions from the top the elected parties, leaders down to unions down to each person's day to day basics. It has never been good and will not be, of course if you are looking/comparing to what our neighor USA, for all their cheap and good quality goods then we can almost never even have a chance to become as "luxurious living style" as they currently have - of course with a price a consequence that you'd need to pay.

At first I wanted to talk about nowadays politicians how they are professional deceivers and how good they are in lying or how they are aiming only at one thing - not your vote, greed and greed and more greed. greed for more money for themselves. later during the day, an idea pops out: how about talking on capitalism? of course, it is a great topic and could educate the public of why equal money system is needed but I had no clues. I lived under capitalism ever since I was born since I am aware but if you ask me the characteristics and shortfall of capitalism, I am like most people - blank. so I start dropping points out from this point: to most people capitalism is just means USA, good and comfortable living, cheap and good quality goods, everyone has a car, I wish I were born in USA, please let capitalism comes to my country and all of a sudden - miraculously, everyone(in my country) would live in blissful joy.

When I look back at it, it is a pretty good start. I start in collecting what other people see in only seeing the "good" side of capitalism like only seeing how great and fun it would be for being kings. then I started to drop down how these "happiness" comes from and comes to the conclusion that capitalism is based on a country enslaving another country that's why you can have cheap labor and everyone just desperately find pitfalls holes in the laws and use for their own goods. For instance, in hong kong, those high ranking government officers that make the laws for restricting how land developments regulating buildings how they can be exempt for certain exceptions if they for instance, build facilities that can support environmental protection. These high rank officers once they retired - most most of them switch from "policeman" to "thief". employed by real estate developers that hire them to find ways how to dodge the laws that they made. this world at this moment is totally lost in greed and look at how chaotic we have become and at this moment most people still don't care.

It turned out pretty ok when I record the video except in the english version, I should have emphasize severals times on capitalism is greed and means: one country enslave another country(s) to have so happy livings. In general I do make the points clear it's just the english version is a bit sluggish and a bit ambiguous because I have limited vocabulary.

I wanted to make another two videos about my experience on laziness and how deceptive the polititians are, but I am a bit tired and it's 10pm now, I might wait and make them tomorrow.