Monday, May 4, 2009

Feeling my Breathe - could it be False alarm and Laughing

Quite some things that are worth mentioned. the Most Recently Departed section is finally translated and a little relief. tomorrow being the revise and maybe with a couple of translation on Bernard's articles and see how fast i can translate. it took me little bit over a month, if i recall it right 'cause when you work day by day, you last track of time and when you begin the work. it has been some time since i have begin translating and since i finish the FAQ, at first when using the writing board it was horrible and relatively slow which produce like 1/2 A4 page/a little it more if i stick with it straightly per day at most, which also Forced/Adapt to learn Chinese typing which at first was even way much more slower than using a writing board but i know, and was painful at first too, if i stick with it and getting familiar to the Common Words it will save Effort in compare to actually writing it out('cause no matter how many times you have written it/how simple the strokes are involved you still Every time Need to Write it out - Literally and as long as you type the right codes you get the corresponding word, not like the writing board only 50% of the words can be successfully discerned, why 50%? if you ask, it's because you hang gets very tired after couple of writings and will start Drawing instead of Writing - something i haven't concerned before i bought the board). i did see the Progress and quite Surprised with the speed for i can type right now, i have been avoiding Chinese typing for over 10 years now, for i did afraid of the Intricacy of it whenever i thought of it, it gave me the headache.

The Crossed Over series have a lot of ra**ings and s** involved, i don't like the readers to Energetically aro**ed/Being Extreme Emotional and hence creating more stuffs that i currently don't realize but for what i realized so far is Horrible enough. Like Heath Ledger said in Desteni's chats, if your emotional and maybe thought you are being pitying the animal during abused which you are a Sign of Human, your Energetic Surge inside you is actually being diverted to support all sorts and forms of Abuses in this World! (and he said he's known only/less than 1% of how this existence really runs) this is one of the Notes that i will ask/remind them to read before they continue. i effort to be a Responsible Poster to the articles that i translated. i could face every bit/things that i do/ things that i do not do |o|. keep working on Self-Forgiveness.

We are collectively responsible for everything that manifest in this world. before i was, it is difficult to Accept that i am responsible for all these ra**s, and s**ual crimes on earth, all ugly things that you can name it. it is not easy to prove, as i am just using my inner core to Evaluate whether it is the truth. however, i have another Insight/Realization today, i can also be happy that since i am responsible i can be part of Alternate/Change/Correct it yes, i would lose the ability to Blame but i Acquire/get back the Power to Change it! isn't it amazing? of course you need to know/realize how to change it - which so far as i realize is Stopping ourselves.

Back to the Breathe. i am not totally sure yet, because false alarm has happened before, it seems i can feel my breathe. the difference is, it is not tight/that tight when i was holding the breathe moments, feel cold in breathe which if i recall it right happen before but not as consistent as this time. i wasn't/not required as concentrated as before to count the Breathe. of course i was in my mind with all sorts of Images while i translate the Crossed Over Series, with ra**ing and s**ual images, together with the images of the covers that i saw couple of days ago. which getting me hay wired got distracted but the Breathe sequences were still on and not interrupted. the Breathe also can be slow down a bit which was not quite capable of before.

When i was looking for the Crossed Over Beging's video about his road on Mast****tion, i stumbled on a Chinese talk show host who is Pre-Programmed to be Talent |o| he's smart and write lyrics for songs which are also famous lo*e songs in the early 90s. watched couple of his clips on utube (there goes my 1 to 1.5 hrs), one thing his friend said was quite interesting, he said how come your lyrics was so Great and now your working are so Sh*t? |o| if they believe and know what has happened since 2005. i found out besides of s** and mas*****te, i realize i do very much like to laugh! not specifically to making people look dumb |o| which sometimes i did laugh too if they haven't shown signs of annoying on TV, laughing at ideas/Opinions which are energies. i am a bit surprised, for if i need to choose between s** and laughing, if i cannot have both, i will choose laughs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pursuit of Happyness which is the Polarized Expression of Unhappyness hence unhappyness have to exist.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to delve into the Laughing of ideas/Opinions which are energies and of this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed into polarized Goodness and Excitement instead of simply being Here.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to experience the Joy of Here and with Self.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that if i experience the happiness/laughing, someone/myself need to experience the Opposite of unhappiness/sadness for balancing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on Pictorial mind thinking instead of Common Sense and the Breathe to Operate my daily live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself when my mind is tired i feel frustrated and annoyed and wanted to exert my Accumulated Emotions out on my thoughts including harming myself.

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