Friday, May 29, 2009

Myself Forgiving Myself instead of I forgive myself

So, have been feel like through the mind and going on some roller coaster ride again. i mean, changing switching from one approach to another approach. Simplicity, it is quite Powerful when i was simplifying thing inside me[that make sense too if you complicate things and treat that as the right way or cool then you manifest complexities for yourself in your reality including your process and if you aim/having simplicity inside you you manifest simplicity and simplify as reflected on the outside reality including your/my process, how simple and myself didn't realize that!]besides, it is the mind that make/like things to be complicated myself presume the more complicated means more separation, else it wouldn't be defined and termed as complicated. being Simplicity itself is quite like a child being reborn again, when mySelf is as simplicity myself feels simple joy and like when i was a child experiencing quantum time learning/realizing myself recall when myself's a child, myself just view this world and knowledge so simple and everything myself learned was simple and fast - very fast. when myself read books[myself really enjoy reading then] myself is unfearful, uncomplicated totally embracing whatever is written in it and use myself's simplicity to embrace[termed as one and equally - myself realize now here]whatever myself read, myself see/touch/smell. when myself and mybrother went inside the shops we were 'embracing' the jackets[u know, lots of jackets for sale] and we enjoyed this so much but our mother/father[usually mother] feel embarrassing and hit us as hard as she can to stop us continue doing the unconditional embracing with the jackets - hence fu**ed us with the implanting of systems[|o| no one but ourselves/myself is to blame for her manifested behavior]. once yourself is implanted with the fear of being hit again[mainly]/there must be something wrong with myself's acts of unconditional enjoying embracing with the jackets/anything that ourself find interesting the consequence is myself begins build up a nutshell around myself - gradually and ultimately totally Shield myself up and what myself has learned to survive is not stop doing embracing with the jackets, Only, myself stop embracing with everything unconditionally that myself find interested in|o|. Embracing is from the perspective that myself/oneself wants to feel/touch/smell so bad that like the [referred as Dead]objects is Legitimately/of course they are Real/Alive/a being - yes, when myself/ourself is small as a child ourself don't treat everything like what ourselve through the systems as the mind when grown up just Use/Employ/Enslave/Control/Manipulate whatever around ourself, ourself as a child treat/view everything around us as alive/as a being in Desteni's term and this is unquestionable/no need to doubt or to question it just is and should be that way. when myself/ourself as a child ourself don't Listen to our parentself/what they told ourself our gut/Common Sense told ourself the other way around and ourself only stick with ourself's Instincts myself presume oneself can call it that way - ourself were totally ourSelf's way not Our Way as through the mind even if that exist within ourself myself would presume/recall it was working at a minimal level. Well, when myself refer this statement myself perceive it from a starting point of generally, some childrenSelf are more ealy infused/being copied/thrown by their parents for early systematic/temper/bully system[s] implants.

So, Simplicity. it is not bad, mostly, except when applying on watching porns|o| in that causing myself some difficulties at the moment. when things simplified it also means Direct/Instantaneous when myself apply it on testing on porns. should myself gradually apply simplicity in a correct way but currently it does have difficulties for myself in regarding to energetic reactions. Simplicity it the way to manifest[myself mean how it seems like trival point but can have so much effects on my/our process and myself missed that until now here! what ourself give attention to Manifest outwards in ourReality and things that we participated. myself mean, point /show ourself one thing that is not complicated equated as degree of separation inside that thing and the situation is the so called technologies are making things more and more separated inside hence as complicated through ourself through our mind!]

Ok, some of ourself might presume myself is making myself out of normal/like to be noticed by others for mentioning so many Self[s]. actually no, and yes myself switching to using Self to refer to i, you or we. myself's story is this. myself have been having difficulties in forgiving the thoughts floating out of deliberately hurting/harming myself[see myself know when to use the word mySelf, i didn't use harming me! it is still a mind associated word, when it comes to excitement/energetic excitements/s**, mast****tion as Ejection of Life/Life Essence inside us it is the me, i that experience, when it comes pains/suffering/harming/hurting it is mySelf] that haunted me for weeks/more that whenever myself wake up it was like a movie that yourself's tied up and Must have playing all around until myself get off the bed, then when myself's cooking/eating whatever myself do they haunted me|o| [still do but at a lesser degree]. so myself was 'waiting' for the answers or way out myself was like - i wasn't in the right track, they are showing me, would there be more efficient ways to handle them? no loop thinking just observing/slow down the process and wait. was like that every morning. suddenly, this pops out. why 'I' then forgive myself for accepted and allowed myself? how about MySelf forgive MySelf for accepted and allowed MySelf? it sounds very akward at first and difficult to adjust, but myself means would that be more Concurrent and step closer to Oneness and Equally? why[from my current definition of I as Consciousness I] consciousness I to forgive mySelf but not MySelf forgive Myself as what mySelf's true Intention? so myself starts applying that and myself instantly feeling more Release than before [in the solar plexes area, mainly] the reappearance of thoughts are not as Vivid as before so myself continue with all sorts of things violence/bloody scenes/action movies/r**e fantasies[myself means that Horror of thoughts/gratitude from the point of reflecting what we trully are is youself, currently for me at least, totally have no control of when they will pop out]. at least, myself got 20 to 30mins of relative peace before myself got out of bed to feed my physical body else myself would be lying for more. that's myself's experience and if this manifested experience has some meaning for yourself as yourself's reflection as if youself is reading it now here.

Myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delve into complexities as degree of separation inside the solutions and hence manifest complexities in ourself's/myself's reality instead of realizing what myself attended to manifest including out flowed on my process and everything myself involved in reality.

Myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to afraid of myself's parentSelf hitting and throwing of their angry to myself and create a shell to shield myself up totally not standing up but crowed accepted and allowed myself to be week and there was nothing myself can do and gave up unconditionally embracing everything being one and equal with and morphing myself live as them assimilate myself as themselve to yield myself for as systems.

Myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself's parentSelf as the cause of their throwing of their own emotional problems to myself as a child as it was their faults that make the now here of myself but not realize everything outward is plainly reflecting myself's inwards. it wasn't their faults of acts but the fault of myself accepted and allowed in before to cause their manifested acts, in some sense they are innocent in their acts.

Myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive/use/employ/enslave/control/manipulate whatever around ourself to satisfy my Pleasure never myself's Pleasure instead of from a starting point of achieving something goaling for common good in sense of working on something for co-existence and manifested outwards as what grown ups do.

Myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop and 'enjoy' at the stimulation level of pictorial porn but not enjoy stepping further through myself instead of me realizing there is more and keep furthering back to the journey to myself's source inwards and not just defined by that stage of beingness and stopped/halted and 'enjoy' the illusion of stimulation of ejection of Life/Life Essence through stimulation.

Myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the thoughts/want to get rid of the horror thoughts but not face my thoughts observe and 'look' inside myself for solutions. thoughts are mirrors that assist myself in revealing what myself have within myself similar to the outer world in a sense they are neutral mirrors around myself. it is myself that need to 'look' for solutions not push them away and pretend myself's clean and nice.

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