Saturday, May 9, 2009

so 10 Months later i masturbate again

If you were not from Desteni Forum, You must read and Understand/Realize what it is said and if you were an Addict to Sex/Masturbation stopped at least 6 months(as Jack has recommended would prefer longer like in my case 10 months) to get yourself totally clean since you Are Currently so Into the Beast. for any further information, check out Desteni Universe or Search Desteni in Utube for their videos.

Masturbation and Sexual Renew
Masturbation Practicality - Arousal

and an Article Masturbation - Keep it between you hand and your dick

Why i was doing this after so long period of stopped? it is i don't want to give up the orgasm feeling, forever|o|. i am working get arouse just with me/self without pictures that's what i like to see or discover that can/should be even better than aroused by a female posture. i feel it would be a petty for give it up, of course i also consider for the children on this world i don't like to support abu** them. partly is i don't want to be Enslaved, i mean, before people including me just Do and React you don't question why for your limited lifetime here on Earth, but now ever since i get in touch with Desteni things change quite a lot in how i view myself/the world/death and thoughts. so i try to see how/how less reactive have becomed so as my previous post stated, i start reading japanese s**ual cartoon covers again, yes it's covers that one need to overcome not the contents. i was observing of can i keep the "feelings" and port it to an unharmful way? what can be kept and what cannot. i was quite less reacted and i sticked with keep Awareing of Myself while watching them. i haven't done the Aware of Self practice for very long but i found it quite useful and satisfied with the results(in fact i just statred it recently 2 nights ago at most).

I mean, i like to know why certain postures of female will arouse a male like me, why certain parts of muscles when seen as certain movements /shape will arouse a male like me. why would i oppose to a male posture? then, some nasty posters really catch my eyes/interest and i have downloaded a few. then i have watched some of them, not totally fully turned on, but a bit more reactive than just the covers. i was like are there more attractive/interesting than these specific parts of body waving these ways? it seems what i did was not exactly the methods presented in the videos and i will go over them again later. so i was like can i similar to what i can recall from Bernard's Keep it between your hand and your dick's article saying of just want to stay with me, experience me with me for an expression involving orgasm?

I was ok when not watching those videos not as before that the surge constantly affecting me but i decide to try it on. i mean, at my stage it would be way easier to just Avoid it, however, if i just dodge it the question or problem will still be with me. one thing for sure was i need to able to control and stop it after done. which was not the case in before, i have once delved into Buddhism for some time before i found Desteni and was vegetarian for almost/over half year and i had stopped masturbation from the starting point of fear of depleting my body and die early |o| so i did stopped for couple of months then one day found boring and want to experience the orgasmic experience again and i felt like the fall of a dam, again again and again chase for those orgasmic experience and never stopped.

This time is different, i was aware of myself all the time and aiming at myself whenever image i stopped and speak the Self-Forgiveness. i actually did use SF to clear out my mind ~ 10 to 15 mins before i begin to achieve a more stable state. i was continuously watching those s** animations for hours. so this is not a good starting point for being aroused [although i was still keeping aware of myself during those time] and use Self as an aim for masturbating subject. i was able to staly in my 4 count breathe the whole time and keeping on experience it with me aimg at me without image, whenever i got recalls of image i stopped and speak SF. i just keep hang on Awaring of Myself and Experiencing it with myself so it happened when i was still aiming experiencing it with myself.

The result is different too which is something i ... i recall i haven't experienced this before. i am not totally sure it is the exact/correct way of doing it but it lasts for about 30 to 45 mins which i don't recall i have ever experienced such thing in my whole life so far. i will recall the best and detailed i can for what i feel like. first, it was like a Shower of your Soul/your Essence inside which is me like i was refreshed. no guilt of Emptiness at all which was automatically generated in all/most of my past Live Experiences. then, fullness, fulfillment like just done with some long lost Soul Mate long long looonng time/even generations ago that Fullness and Completeness is so big that i just smiled satisfyingly for over five mins. then, also, before was dizziness if you didn't do it for a long time and Electric Current like thing will through your Spine to your head inside and makes you dizzy. this dizziness is absolutely different, it is like your Drunk(feel like Dung by Champaign) yet your also Absolutely Aware and Awake just Consistently Escastic Drunk for 30 or so mins. the most noticeable different so far is, i am still consistently staying in Aware of Myself and not like in the past keep carving on the same feeling after a couple of hours(it has passed 8 hrs since then). this is not for sure but during those 45mins, when i am concentrating Aware of Myself while i was translating, it seems i am more floating than right now more rigid and stick inside my head/body.

What i will do is stop(currently plan for 1 month/at least) and cease at this stage and keep on just Awaring of Myself. Please Realize i am not promoting any escatic activities But if by chances you are currently Addicted to Practicing them like i was this is something i would like to share with you and can be as your Reference.

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