Tuesday, May 26, 2009

No it is not Sex/Masturbation it is through and the Ejection you Aiming at

After reading Bernard's article of Can one Word be trapped? it was like a wake up call for me that tells everything that i have been pursuing for 'so long' and i didn't realize. it is the 'Stimulation' that i/we are looking for that construct this whole world/universe that built around and operated by it. i missed this point of how to put it out in words[of course not as much detailed as Bernard has put it] i 'feel' something but not able to put it in an organized way and not deep enough. when i was translating i came up with something, i realize that it is the process of simulating but was not the ultimate that we are looking for it is the Ejection that i/we are looking for. i mean look why do we want to keep/elongate the process of sex/masturbation the moment of burst[all sorts of fantasies, drugs whatever means you can find/imagine of], people want to stay in the moment of ecstasy as long as they can. in s** and mastur****** it is the process and if no Ejection occurred it is not the same thing any more[at all]. when i watched the hentai animations all sorts of rear fantacies were presented, i mean, this has 'trapped' me for sometimes, why would me as a man get reacted to a girl's brea** squeezing mi**, why would p**ing these all don't make Common Sense and what i am looking for through these that i am enslaved? it is not as a 'Thinking' base but just Self observing staying in my breathe and in Here waiting for an answer. what i have few days ago was ok the nipp*** are constructed similar to a penis and the woman/man have similar feelings and that's all i still can't realize why i was enslaved to have automatic Reactions to energetic surges. so when i was translating fragments of few scenes come up and suddenly the word - Ejection come up and things become elaborate/clear. it is not 'exactly' the stimulation that we want to experience to build up but for the purpose of achieving Ejection. the escasy that you like to experience as long as you can is [in my way of seeing it] in fact being able to Eject as long as you can and you experience through it [together with your systems]. this apply to both man and woman, the pursuit of having a baby and able produce mi**, rubbing[both on male and female]- what for? Ejection, when you pee the comfortable feeling that you feel - Ejection, why SM why stimulate, tied up, humiliation? most people just enjoy through it but not asking through Self why they are Enslaved by it, how about making the person more stimulated ultimately for Ejection and the viewer Resonance through viewing and bound a relationship to it, squeezing male/femal sensitive body parts but what for? ultimately if yourSelf break down the whole process slowly - it is for Ejection whether Energetically/Physically.

This also can apply to many other daily activities that we involve in for instance, typing - to feel cool or comfortable, i/we type[as a matter of fact it feels similar to mastur****/s**] very fast but this fast is not exactly haste that we were enjoying but the 'Shoot out feeling' inside us through typing that we experience the type of Ejections that keep happening while we type that makes us feel 'Good'. Movies, no matter how Exciting/Great the movie is if the ending is an open ended ?/the ending screwed everything up and ends Unstimulated at all i/we feel a great deal is missing in the process or Angry but what are we angry for/what is missing? the Ejection inside us. when i/we are driving we feel high/'comfortable' but we don't understand why, could it also be Ejection that we constantly experiencing and thought it was driving that we were pursuing? and the food that we eat, it is of course the energy and energetic feeling that satisfy us but i have consider it is also another form of 'Slow' Ejection inside me. we are participating all these but not clear of what we are looking for inside. why do we like to Talk? we are 'Ejecting' the words out not speaking them that makes we Energized/Excited.

All these activities when we take the Ejection/Ejecting part out the nature of doing it/the experience through it is quite different. how? i mySelf become as the Ejection itself and stay calm. when typing, being Ejection itself sort of like slow the Ejection down whenever it going to hyper mode sort of keep me from 'Losing Tracks' like a train when i type fast. when eating, without/being Ejection itself almost doesn't feel much during eating while in the past i will feel the tastes of it[like msg/sour]. when i speak and myself as Ejection, words are more 'clear'/calm and this calm is not achieved through suppression. when aroused in the pelvic area i become as Ejection itself and stop, the energetic surges inside seems 'lost' the purpose of accumulate inside and stopped. in what i perceive the definition of Ejection is shooting[sometimes quickly sometimes slowly] from a Accumulated Point to a Not Enough Area and we experience 'Joy' through this? it doesn't make Common Sense if you have realized the in and outs of s** and mastur****** like me through the application of Ejection. it makes more sense from a Systematic Pre-programmed way of 'Joy' and we experienced through it.

This is just what i observed this afternoon so haven't done extensive tests/applications on myself but i am already more than eager to share this 'finding' with you guys, someone might find it useful.

History 2.

So my father is always for control, domination, money, wine and s**[when he's younger and this part i 'fully' copy it from him] would have much materialistic enjoyments or care involved[i didn't know awareing of Self back then, actually from what i see it now based on how i feel when i am aware of Self this could make quite difference if i fulfill me this way]. my brother grow up become pursuing materialistic and if he can't obtain money through our parents he secretly work for it. and yes one more thing, my father is the type that he was a soldier before so he is god and he is always right and you obey him unconditionally. like once, he lost money in the clinic that he worked in[he later find out it is his co-worker duplicated his key while he's sleeping there and opened his drawer and take the money away] he presume it 'must' be us and beat us up almost like as a punching bag for throwing his anger inside in the name of teaching us and we were maybe 7, 10 or 12 somewhere there and we have no choice at all but to 'confess'. and whenever we make mistakes or even for 'nothing' just for the purpose of 'educate' you be a better person, we will be treated like animals to brainwashed or whatever ways you call it to write hundreds of times 'i will not do bla bla bal' or 'i will be doing bla bla bla' and can't go to sleep until finish. he called it military style training to 'strengthen you' more like a torturing enjoyment to throw out his anger to me/us. i mean, i were small but i know he accumulated all his anger inside through his works. so our lifes are like living under the name of fear me. he does reason to you at all he just control to make him feel comfortable. like when we were small he need to have s** with my mom, he will say you children made a mistakes so here is your punishment go to the room locked up for couple of hours why both? there is no need for reasons. later weeks there is no need/he can't wait for you to make mistakes, just locked you both up. through this type domination, control and fear me that makes us or at least me to adapt to survive and through this process i become numb and closed to my own world. in what i recall it now, partly maybe i was obsessed in mast*****ion is because it's the first time i really feel 'released' through the ejection inside me but in the real-world i cannot experience such 'feeling'/manifestation. so to survive, the most effective and easy way is to become the one that control you learn/copy from him and make it your own weapon|o|. i observe/practice my so called wisdom on reading people's mind inside/manipulation [for protective purpose] and controlling others [thankfully mostly for protective purpose for what i can recall, i was built-in/essence believe there is a consequence for every act that you make and i Common Sense/Instinctively believe else things won't Balance of course not as Details and Astonishing as Desteni's Presented]

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed delved into the materialistic Ejection experience as reflected by my brother.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use whatever means to gain/prostitute for money even in secrecy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame others that are subject to me and beat them up as my punching bag and throw all my anger to them to make them bend and yield to my believe or my way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to torture/throw my problems to people subject to me in the name of disguised as for their own good/to make their future sustainable.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy people worship me and appreciate me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy watching people being tortured and self-dishonest as 'it is for their own future good' but it is i dominate you and can control you of the ego of system.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy manipulating people and watching people fall from my hoax and feel hilarious not realizing i am manipulating myself in fact.

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