When i was Translating the Desteni Articles, i really pushed me to review and go through every points in the Article as Clearly as Possible before i can use my words to Re-Construct the sentences into Chinese. it was frustrated and painful. i stayed in my Breathe, it was better than when i was translating the FAQ, |o| which really feel like decrypting something out of space(i didn't know if Jack did that intentionally |o|) but the difference is you know you can do it. i did learn something from the task that things that i thought i realized/clear with it turns out i was not totally clear/i get a further imprint on the materials which is when i look it back is amazing 'cause i cannot obtain this just through reading them, no matter how many times i have read them in Hong Kong. so the Translating really helps me and others for the translated version will be there whenever someone read it, it is there.
We were having lunch with my brother's family. sitting next to us is some businessmen family that totally ignore others around them and talking loudly about their richy/how smart their family's children are like deliberately shouting to the rest of the restaurant 'Look at me, look at how richy and how lucky we are, look at me, i can do and speak whatever i want because i got more much more money than you, i won't be happy enough just to hide myself here i need to show you people that i can totally Ignoring you can you do the same to me? ' before, i would be unhappy but now, especially when i have read Heath Ledger's chats on consequence of being Emotional(which in another words == you are Powering up whatever you are aiming at in your head. eg. Let's be pity[emotional] and pray for world hunger, no matter what your initiative or your position, Energy and/for world hunger and world hunger will manifest, this was the example in one of the Desteni Video but i didn't get what i means before, just like Matix, with the answers but u have and only have the keys, you don't know which/where to look for the Locks which keys are for which)
To live a life that i can Express and Operate without/with as less energy/energetic surge inside me involved as possible and i am enjoying as much as before or even more. which i just Common Sensed that it means i become happy without energetic surge inside/being the cause. i laugh but with no energetic surge rise inside me. i can even mas****ate without pictures and no energetic surge invovled. i can be grateful to the food that i eat every couple hours but with no energy/emotion involved. is that what Bernard's talking about of crying inside but no tears for days? to live in this world but not of this world - live in/operate by life but not of energy/emotion. i wonder.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to totally ingore others around me and speaking loudly to promote how lucky and rich i am.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience pain as a substitute of mast****tion.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to pursuit of excitement and ecstatic feeling of just like shown in the movies that slashing people into their body by a japanese sword.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the ecstatic surge of torturing people.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy living in my mind that i enjoy violent and bloody movies and unconsciously projecting myself into the scenes and enjoy my senses, emotions and feelings while they are emotionally charged.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use scenes of other people/animals' torture scenes as a stimulant to simulate my fear of danger/fear of death as a drug and get hysteria inside, through this i get emotional charged just like mast****tion/s**.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without energetic surge inside me, flow through me i would be bored and it will be meaningless and unjoyful losing purpose to live like that.
i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that Here should be my purpose and i am not willing to change in me for that.
i forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize that energy itself is polarization of the mind and support the mind, when seeing everyone/everything as one self it is a form of abusing self, when i experience high someone has to experience down.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the Reflection in the outer world to make my inner self excited inside which is i enjoy watching female postures/animation characters with expression of lust/energetic surge inside them in other words they are high inside to make/reflect to make my energetic surge inside even bigger.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel whenever i am/my body is tired or when i am frustrated i used to exert it through mast****tion but now since i cannot/realize the consequence i stopped so i turn to having thoughts of producing pain in my body to experience the similar energetic surge inside me.
No comments:
Post a Comment