Thursday, May 21, 2009

Self Being Sound Expression inside intead of Energetic based

I have written something like this before. it is caused by this, my mom was reflecting i have rude and ignoring any physical objects/insects except myself/herself inside and live by energetic surges. we were cooking and she got rushed and hyper like slamming fridge/dropping food containers/slamming cabinet doors and i with a starting point that 'like to' remind her that what 'her[/which is me until i realize now when coming back to low energetic surge mode]' is Treating is actually 'planning and designing' her future lives maybe. she gets annoyed and smacked at me for being mumbling all around [my Self-Forgiveness] and crazy and told me to look at the mirror at what i am right now[to me, totally systematic ego speech - which is me operating through my ego]. ok, so all sorts of energetic surges comes up but i keep reminding myself she's showing me what i have inside/my past treating others and don't fight with her and others as Myself else things are just going to compound. it was temping to 'fall' back to energetic mode and express the uncomfortable feelings inside but i remind myself that is not the solution - once and for all and it was temping to judge[i was judging again] from the past few minutes of what happened between me and her and forgot about everything i have realized so far - because it was un-cool to have energetic/angry resonating inside you. she stick with her old believes and ego is what i am doing exactly the same.

Why i would repost topic about Self being/as Sound Expression, what i realized from this conflict is i am not yet living in/by Sound Expression yet and still in energetic mode, for instance, mind, s**ual aroused, angry, frustration and even tired these are all energetic based. words, self, physical subjects these are all Sound Expression based. we feel comfortable is not comfortable itself, it is the energetic surge of comfortable rise up and we feel comfortable[through the mind i presume hence it is the mind feeling comfortable]. so, if i can aroused by/through/as sound/sound Expressions operate and being as it. i have tried being one and equal with the energetic flow in the pelvic area but it currently keeps coming back and not yet switched/transcended to by sound expression. of course the point that need to remember is i am Sound Expression but also one and equal to another and view/treating any other things that i interact/consume/breathe in as me. Self as Sound Expression Existence. it is now here that i realize why winged's article is so difficult to realize and she can write so much so much in one article - it was not through the mind as energetic flow, it was sound based and pure sound expression interactions, need to use Self as Sound Expression to Realize. same as s**ual desire/arouse, it was not picture or sound[well it involves sound] that we are pursuing, it was the Energetic Surge/Flow insie us through the Actions Postured, figure that we are pursuing and once we get used to that, we delve in Deeper and More Various Excitements and Switching Subjects/Targets until what we presume those favours only happen to Perverts/Sicked and unconsciously/gradually we became the [another]Perverts and Sicked himself but we become it so much delved in and can't live without the Energetic Surge/Feelings however, we ask for more through more torturous designs/events/visual images[which is a disguise] it is the causing of Energetic Surge through s** and mas*****te systems that we are looking/pursuing for. |o| this really gives me the reason for why i need to stop and look for alternative way to express the es**tic expression through s** and mas*****tion, i mean it is a hole with no bottom and through pursuing as much energetic es**tic feeling experienced, you hurt/ignore yourself as yourbody bacteria and virus need to protect their environment which is your body so manifest/intervene to Stop what you are currently doing and you would also since accepted and allowed torturing/r*ping your own body - yourself reflects outwards into your world as gradually become a r*pist - equalized.

These are mentioned in and i realize them from the Sex, Porn and Masturbation Addiction Article from Desteni Web.

After reading Winged's article about Bacteria and Viruses as the Holy Spirit. i have realized why Bernard said it is Capitalism that is the cause of our problems |o|. we are living in what/how we treated others as ourselves/Self. in the name of Capitalism == personal Enjoyments through s** /mast****tion and money enslaving others[a very short one |o|] comes first and F*** the rest[other countries/people/animals/nature/universe] which is ourselves and we will live in how we treated others as self in our up coming days. the world is mad showing us we are mad inside, mad about s** and mast***tion's energetic surges inside and mad about enslaving ourselves as others. people as us as self need to realize Capitalism is the cause of harming and it is self that they are searching for - pursuiting directed outward that through my experience can never be satisfied for a long time at all. people need to observe and realize there is a Pay Back Time for every actions/thoughts/words that they perform/not perform - consider everything as Self equally.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be barbarian to others as myself and harming/hurting things as other selfs as self and i need to be live/experience in being treated barbarically.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to 'wanted' to stop other's reflections back to me and not seeing what i have been accepting and allowing inside me to stop the need of reflecting.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to obsessed into energetic surges which causes out of control/delving deeper and more/madness/losing control of myself instead of obsessed into sound expression as oneness as equally.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live through the mind as ego instead of change/alternate myself for the truth of self as oneness as equally.

I forgive myself that i haven't allowed myself to realize fighting/removing my mom out of my sight is hiding and fighting with my own self/my own reflections that is not the way of dealing with the problem that is originated from me at all, instead i was blaming her for her reflections/actions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge and through judging i was trying to protect me through as the mind's ego instead of realizing everything is self as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hate/dislike being threw and dumped as a punching bag to collect all my mom's angry/frustrations totally being ignored and i don't like the feeling at all and tried to dump it back to her assuming her for the cause, while it is me that have done in the past to others and she's reflecting back to me and not being as sound expression and no movements inside of me as the solution and realize what i have done to others in the past.

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