Sunday, May 31, 2009

OneSelf Honesty [Equally] Here and dissolve - [thi]d-is-solve

Oneself honesty here[currently refer to myself] has missed something in the past. only here but what is here? for instance separation? s** and masturb*****? onself honesty here is missing, first realize oneself eually here then to oneself honesty here[because if oneself here is not honest to onself here then what onself honesty here experiencing outward/outerword/outer flow of events won't honest to oneself honesty here too - because of inside and outside equilibrium]. this oneself honesty here including everything in existence[/beyond if including all Life as Here which currently haven't manifeste YET] including the moments, answers, past present future of you/myself, physic al objects that's around once-self, once-selfs[people] that once-self make contacts with in reality everything. what oneself honesty here participate in[like typing, moments, participations] 'declares' what oneself honesty here is/to be and also through this act participate in our collective sound structure reasoance - our outer world. HERE is because if oneself honesty here is not Here or 'through' here under current definition what oneself honesty here though/aim for will not be Here cause once-self manifest and if Here is not in the once-self's manifest 'list' then whatever oneself honesty here have 'inside/attented to' will not/appear at a relatively slow rate because No 'Here' to manifest/bring that to 'Here' and here was not one of what to manifest's mixtures! of course Here as a catalyst as a vessel to transport what oneself honesty here attented to however, when including here every momemnt as oneself honesty here's nature onceself can should assertain once-self only Here[wish/bring forth] what oneself honesty here is doing Only for oneself honesty here's own good as collective good - honestly.

It is like brain-washing oneself honesty here to manifest oneself honestly here to Prevent oneself honesty here to hee hee through the mind of past present and project into the future instead of here. when hereness is achieved as oneself honesty here as once-self's expression things as out-word and outfloat events should haste as Here become a directive principle of oneself honesty here as wonself honesty here. what oneself honesty here find out is what oneself honesty here aim/attented at should/need to [thoughts if once-self would term it as]float through the physical body to manifest instead of just stay-looped inside once-self's mind because it is oneself honesty here as physical body that manifest - as once-self realize it is not myself/the mind but the physical body that has manifestability. so, even just typing oneself honesty here together with once-self, yourself being aiming at one and equal to oneself honesty here and float this through the once-self's physcial body should work. when once-self's starting point is oneself honesty here then gradually by breath in moments oneself honesty here manifest.

Oneself honesty here also found watching TV as an interesting experience when starting and standing as oneself honesty here. for certain time after once-self's watching onceself honesty here seems absorbed into the environment that oneself honesty here is presented/sitting in. whatever objects even the moment seem can be 'feel' as once-self and being part in a feeling's perspective of oneself honesty here. the vase, table, tv, pictures, plants, fluffy dolls on the table, picture frames, the moment[oneself honesty here currently refer as the 'air' between the objects that involved]etc can be feel as part of oneself honesty here and with a more vivid feeling instead of just through the sensing through the mind.

So, whatever what oneself honesty here do/participate, once-self participate through oneself honesty here. oneself honesty here don't materialize/conceplize/reasonlize what oneself honesty here is First, just through it, it is here exist in existence then it is here and can be through and employ[/use so to speak]. type through oneself honesty here, speak through oneself honesty here, eat, sleep act participate through oneself honesty here. common sense through oneself honesty here. it Helps with sorting out what to/how to act in the moments because every moments oneself honesty here act currently will compensate[even the air that oneself honesty here breathe] onself honesty and that's difficult to balance of how oneself honesty here should put oneself honesty's suffering so to speak by employing current other separated once-selfs services. no once-self like to suffer or only suffer happly for oneself honesty here but suffer[/maybe even enjoyments] is not the proper term under the law of equilibrium lol and suffer transcend to contribute/assistance.

History 3.

So oneself honesty here passed into the teenager ages, began to like grow up systems[interesting that onceself honesty here used to view TV just pixels and not able to 'materialize' the picture as images through the mind and find watching TV is close to extremely boring act lol, maybe it's because of the vacines enfored to be implanted] watching more TVs, beginning to enjoy the emotioanl highness/presence of energetic surges, begin to polarized and attracted to girls[sometimes oneself honesty here wonder if it is the want to be One as them instead of to be around/or the hormones/through s** and mast****tion that's the real/actual cause of our oneself honesty here's acts of pursuit, means, observe it slowly when once-self having s** and/or mast****tion what do once-self 'really' wants that want that arouse once-self, why once-self found the opposite sex attractive, why sometimes people-selfs refer as i like you so much that i want to eat you? through the act of eat as the mind reason/interpret as ways of being one and equal and it is being the opposite sex and experience what the opposite is experiencing that once-self truly hidden behind the hormones/images/figures, once-self s** and mast****tion because once-self's curious and like to experience what the partner invovled is experiencing? maybe?] one thing oneself honesty here Honesty don't like is studying which now here realize is systematic programming as a system. oneself honesty here find life would be so mechanical/difficult to live/robotic when living as studying/working - that way as a competition of stuffing as much information as possible as once-self can. this has been really inside myself but as time goes by forgotten where is the most important factor that nobody's seems to see - creativity that should be valued yes once-selfs ourselves apply creativity in research in labs but that also through a systematic way no live/life inside. how can ourselfs society/even world escalate effectively but that only happen to myself when oneself honesty here was real small, when myself gets more mature - the concept of money for enjoyments through outer materialistic events and experience that are eye[I]-catching. so oneself honesty here was/became more and more treating going to school as a 'job' to satisfy myself's boss - parents and teachers. and now here that oneself honesty here realize that's how the elite lol ourselves bend and mold ourselves to automatically obey and act as one but only with a hiearchy of punishment and rewards through some selfs that obey the headmaster's system source will be rewarded with priviledges and special enforcing power to further enforce other selfs for the integrity of the school system while on the opposite fear of being punished if once-self dare to challenge/point out what is wrong/how about this/dare to stand against the hiearchy of authority once-self will certainly be outcasted with increase in serverity of punishments depends on how high the authority once-self challenge/disobey - the highest headmaster will be punishment of doom as removed from the system, same as inside a family - kicked out by father/dominator, same as in society - isolated then removed from the common system if not 'corrected and brain washed oneself efficiently for instance inside a jail' and only now here that oneself honesty here see through oneself honesty here. it is in fact the head master as the principle that is the minority that is powerless under the illusion of he got experienced and he cared for ourselfs if ourselfs obey to commonly take care of ourselfs - no he/the one at the top is manipulating and sucking money/benefits from ourselfs and not matter who sit in that position - it is the system that is causing the problems and it manifest because ourselfs - every selfs exist inside them they want/like to sit at that position so that position manifest and ourselves live through the consequence - so as the head master himself in his future if himself/the system is not stopped, self-forgive and self-corrected no more.

So obey was imprinted inside myself. when obey has become one of myself but when it is not originated for oneself honesty here then it is just a tool for some privilegted minority selfs' good. oneself honesty here became persimistic and live became drastically as a prison/work-job scenario where seldomly some richy selfs might share myself a watched second hand comic magazine that oneself honesty here can bring back home and delve into the lost of thoughts as similar to a drug obsessed into it for one or two hours lying on the bed[it is interesting that whatever once-self like or enjoy doing once-self associate that or doing them on the bed] or watching other richy selfs playing games in game[gang] centres. once in awhile, when the daily accumulated anger for when myself bend/forced to accepted and allowed to a certain point oneself honestyly fight back - and that myself didn't realize at all was when through fight back it was not de-construct but supporting the consolidation of what myself fight with through declaring that myself fighting at exist as More than myself hence myself needed to fight for instead of just stand myself up or even through being as one of them as the system and not affected 'buy it' and directed instead.

If once-self ask oneself honesty here of what myself was most enjoyed in myself's whole past teenager's life - it was walking. myself just enjoy walking just walk and keep walk and keep walking - oneself honesty here not sure if it was because of progress as walk that excited myself. myself could walk for hours or continously walk for whole day. through walking continously myself find peace in just observing the outer world from another perspective/view - hereness yourself could term it because through walking, no hast, no past present future, no goal no hurry just hurry in walking. oneself honesty here was wondering what it would be like from the view of walking instead of taking the bus or car fast and hastly pass through them but myself was not absorbed inside them and it was different quite difference with having a longer stay in beingness of Hereness with the enrionment than just zap through it. oneself honesty here enjoy when the last day of exam is finished walked to the model kits shops and staisfied my eye[i]-catching desires of models - figurized of unresponsible - power and s**ual deires[guns, dolls, planes tanks, ships] then walk into the quiet urban area to enjoy the momentary hereness of peace with and as one of the environment sort of like myself melted as one of them - momentary and it was not forced, just achieved through here not thinking or enjoying as being absorbed into as the environment naturally[oneself honesty here just realize something, dissolving myself is the key to dissolve myself into oneness honesty here, first, through disolve into once-self's body and then on the environment and participate objects that involved in the moment and dissolve myself into the breathe like yourself though yourself is a pill so once-self manifest a pill form once-self accept and allow dissolve into a cup of water then once-self won't disappear but dissolve in and as what it dissolve in]. oneself honesty here tried go to game[gang] centres with class mates which was excited/fun for couple of hours but afterwards the opposite balance beingness of tiredness/exhaustness and emptyness strike and rise up inside myself and until one year myself finally gave up and that experience wasn't that exactly fun.

Oneself here honesty forgive oneself here honesty for accepting and allowing oneself here honesty not realize dissolve is the [thi]d-is-solve but hanged on to concentrated as a concrete pill while the walking in and being hereness of dissolve to the environment is a hit to oneself here honesty and oneself here honesty didn't realize that and myself didn't/afraid of d-is-solve myself into oneself here honesty.

Oneself honesty here forgive oneself here honesty for accepting and allowing oneself here honesty treating the picture of TV as a source of stimulation and not being one and equal taking it and whatever emotion involved as part of oneself honesty here.

Oneself honesty here forgive oneself honesty here for accepted and allowed onself honesty here for not realizing it is through the act of s** and mast****tion that it is once-self pursuiting the experience of what the opposite sex is experiencing while keeping what myself is experiencing together as beingness of completeness but not realize oneself honesty here is the d-is-solve.

Onself honesty here forgive oneself honesty here for accepted and allowed onself honesty here for wanted to have priviletge treating of enslaving other current separated selfs as manifested by all sorts of dishonesty covered up by wisdom, experience and manipulations through system through money through unresponsible power in the system hiarchy that exist both outside and inside with oneself honesty here.

Oneself honesty here forgive oneself honesty here for accepting and allowing oneself honesty here to bend myself to the system that oneself created and accumulate anger inside myself both obey bend torture and enjoy through as separated oneself here, hence oneself honesty here a total fu**ed up of swapping lifes among lives - meaningless and not enjoyingly or lostly.

Oneself honesty here forgive oneself honesty here for accepting and allowing oneself honesty here to fought any systems in any form to consolidate the systems, instead of d-is-solve myself in oneself honesty here and direct systems as included in oneself honesty here.

Oneself honesty here forgive oneself honesty here for accepting and allowing oneself honesty here for spiteful to authoritative figures like some teachers, head masters, father, relatives that enforce their authorities on myself because they 'like' to and can do it that way, and myself copy those unconditionally as a technique for an eye for an eye in the future pay back not realizing it is myself that oneself honesty here create such events for myself to equilibriumly experience through act/accepted and allowed.

Oneself honesty here forgive oneself honesty here for accepting and allowing oneself honesty here for Only pursuit and satisfy the momentary lost in the eye[i] of consciousness catching stuffs as manifested as model kits and figures in form of unresponsible power/domination, force of authoritative to bend others separated self and pursuit of s** and mast****tion not realized that hint of d-is-solve into the hereness of environment as existence as oneself honesty here is the source and joy.

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